User:UnknownOutcast

I'd rather not have to deal with guild politics, but if it makes things better to implement something without mudslinging and hurting other people, just do good with it. I kinda got sick of serving someone who didn't seem to initially care for me much. By caring, I mean they probably would not have cared if I died. Spent online trying to honestly help other people in the past. Strength isn't about being a bully though maybe I was weak. I'd like to think I'm stronger than I was before, at least I'm trying. I'm not going to give up and die now. I couldn't bring myself to kill anyone in another sense. At some point, I didn't really care if I died in another sense and told others to let me die. Someone said I deserved to die. I tried to kill myself in some way. Living is a matter of persevering when things get rough or fine or great in a sense. My biggest regret is if other people died for me. I've lost who knows how many things... Thinking back on it, the only thing I really wanted from the past is a real friend and to do good. I rather have friends than underlings. Carl, even if it didn't look like I cared for you, I did. I know it's too late to say this however. There were other people I cared for too and there were other people who were nice to me... I couldn't bring myself to make a decision though and things happened. I would have been happier not having to make the decision between people or not get caught up in guild politics like that. Cheers though, if anyone cared for me in my past, but I'd understand if certain people don't anymore. Everyone has to move on sometime and I wouldn't want anyone waiting on me instead of focusing on their own life. I don't want the past to define who I am now and I know neither do other people... I just kinda hoped I could talk to other people again.

I see things. Ranging from a message that might be hinting that I'm a burden to someone who doesn't want me anymore, someone calling me fat or... It doesn't matter. I never asked anyone to do anything big for me, you know? I'm grateful that they even did something for me. I feel bad if I'm responsible for a potentially bad decision that hurt other people. I like taking what others think of as lesser in value and polishing it maybe because I feel like I'm considered of lesser value; another person's trash is another person's treasure. I don't weigh a person's value by how useful they are to me.

I had a good heart too, though I didn't always look nice to some other people mainly because I don't respond that nicely to someone who says something mean first and because things aren't always what it looks like. I'm not perfect, I can feel emotions that are probably best left unsaid. It's not like I couldn't see other people had a good heart either, but I'm not delusional enough to think that me or anyone is perfect. People have flaws, but most people do have redeeming qualities I'd like to think. I like to think of the better nature. I was sort of the person that kinda got annoyed by people bragging about sexual conquests. It's not that I looked down on sexually promiscuous people, rather it's the intent, but people can actually care about others even if they brag. I attempt to respect others but don't expect me to respect you for being an asshole.

I never actually cared much about power despite looking as if I did. I think it could be used for good if anyone acquired it. I'm a good person regardless of what other people think of me. Someone once told me that they lied for good, not all lies are bad, but there's ones that are obviously bad lies. It's not always black and white. I feel like not everything is finite, it's not too late for anyone to redeem themselves.

Some people don't really know me if all they're seeing is what's on the outside of the past. Yeah, I was a little bit unstable, but I never meant to harm anyone who didn't deserve it and I always gave other people a second chance. I stopped myself from harming other people even if I felt that they might've deserved it. I tried to do the right thing but I also owe other people too. I've always had this feeling that I was watched since a long time ago... I merely want to disappear in the background, but I know it probably is too late to talk to people who might not even want to associate with me. I don't really care for popularity much. I do appreciate it. Think I'm unpopular right now but that's fine. I don't always agree with other people. There's specific people who are important to me that I probably already lost. I know I gotta move, but I'm not one to just abandon people who I've had a connection with, at least in spirit; moving forward while looking back. It's alright though if they don't feel like associating with me anymore.