Earl Gundy

"My name is Beast."

- Earl Gundy aka The Beast. "F**k you! You will suffer forever!"

- The Beast aka Earl Gundy.

Earl Gundy, also known as "Governor Gundy", "The Anti-Christ" and "Satan", simply prefers himself as "The Beast", is a foul-mouthed, charismatic and seductive politician who is the governor of the American state of Idaho as well as the mayor of its capital city Boise, and he is actually the living Antichrist who seeks to rule the world, and he is the main antagonist of the 2013 apocalyptic, supernatural fantasy-comedy movie Rapture-Palooza (also known as Ecstasy).

He was portrayed by Craig Robinson who also starred as himself in the 2013 apocalyptic comedy movie This Is the End.

While he seeks only absolute power over all and to destroy Jesus Christ in order to prevent his prophecized defeat at his hands at the end of the final battle of Armageddon, Earl Gundy developed a lust for the beauty of mortal young woman Lindsey Lewis which make her boyfriend Ben House Earl's love rival, but Lindsey only loves Ben and together they both wanted to stop his unholy reign of terror and save the world.

History
It first began with the Rapture when all of the blessed living people of Earth were taken to Heaven while the rest of the world were left to experience and suffer a series of catastrophes and horrors both predicted (such as the skies raining blood and tormenting, talking locusts) and unforeseen (such as Wraiths and foul-mouthed, talking crows) and after a full year since it occurred along with the chain of events after it, Earl Gundy, knowing he is possessed by Satan, had risen to power and made himself known on the political stage. This prominent but dangerous political figure who was a former mayoral candidate for office turned mayor of the city of Boise, hails from the state of Idaho while he already somehow became the state's governor through unknown means quickly gained in his own favor.

He was later invited to the White House in Washington D.C. where he cleverly poisoned all the sandwiches and other food, thus killing all the government officials and White House staff including the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and quickly assumed total control over the United States of America. After he took over, he then assumed control over the nation's missile defense system as he started using the missiles to force everyone in the world to obey him. He does that by blowing up cities across the globe such as Chicago, Tokyo, London, and Orlando, to simply make everyone scared of him.

During his reign of terror, Earl Gundy who is the most evil individual that ever lived, demands that everyone (both the living and the dead) to forever address him as "The Beast". He later formed an elite army of his own bodyguards known as the Beastly Guards and set up his own hellish "kingdom" within the city of Seattle in Washington to establish his complete and unopposed dominance over the Earth and its inhabitants.

While most people are struggling to survive and get by in this apocalyptic world ruled by the Beast, others made a deal with the Devil as they are now on the Beast's payroll in order to make their lives easier and devoid of poverty as they serve him. He later appeared on television for his interview with interviewer Liz and discussed about his personal life including his divorce from his first ex-wife Kimberlee after 8 years of their marriage, and it is revealed he has an illegitimate son named Little Beast whom he sees as a "dud" when all he wanted was a lot of evil children within his unholy "family". he had Wraiths as his minions and also his Beastly Guards. There also has been a fictional comedic TV show watched by everyone called "The World Most Embarrassing Raptures" which shows people been raptured to Heaven in each most embarassing way.

When Mr. House, a local pool contractor and complete hypocrite who was once a Beastly Guard before went back to his old job, took his son Ben and his girlfriend Lindsey to visited Earl Gundy's mansion where he worked. When the Beast and his son Little Beast meet them in the manor's pool area outside, he hanged up on her. Later, when Mr. Gundy asked Mr. House who are his 2 "assistants", he introduced him to his son Ben and his girlfriend Lindsey whom he explained that they are not his assistants but merely visitors. Earl soon caught his eye on Lindsey and begun a lustful attraction towards the innocent young human woman while pushing aside her selfless mortal boyfriend Ben who he and Lindsey sees Gundy as nothing more then a monster. Gundy then asked Lindsey to walk around the premises of his manor on the account of the fact he is not a man that one would say no to, and took her around and into his house for a tour.

During the tour as they first walked around outside, Earl asked Lindsey to have sex with her behind the rose bushes, she than explained she is only a virgin, and Earl became surprisingly excited, knowing that virgins are so hard to find in the world.

During the tour that has continued, Earl took Lindsey inside his mansion while rudely slammed the door on Morgan and the Beastly Guards who still secure the mansion's perimeters, he suddenly asked Lindsey to marry him and become the mother of his wicked offspring which shocked and frightens Lindsey. Meanwhile back at the mansion's outdoor areas, the defiant Ben dares to beat up the Beast for trying to steal his girlfriend but was knocked out twice by his father with a shovel for the boy's protection, knowing that the Beastly Guards would kill him as soon as look at him and challenging the Antichrist would be an unwise and fatal decision.

At the end of the tour of his mansion as they both walked back to the pool area, the Beast shows Lindsey an ultimate weapon very few people knew about, the real-life XGLTLGL laser cannon. He explained to her that a tremendous rumor going around, a prophecy of sorts that Jesus Christ will come down from the heavens and vanquish him in their final battle at the fields of Armageddon. But Earl is determined to change all that with the laser cannon as his own weapon he can use to destroy the Son of God to stop the prophesy from coming true. He then demonstrates the machine's awesome firepower by shooting down a foul-mouthed foulmouthed crow that was flying by and dies in front of a shocked Lindsey. He christened his ultimate weapon the "You-Know-Who". When the Beast asked Lindsey to accept, she quickly replied no. The Beast than warn Lindsey that if he can't have her, he would slaughter everyone she knows starting with Ben & his father. Lindsey asked the Beast that she needs time to think about it. He only granted her 8 hours to think about it and tells her that she doesn't return back to his mansion in time marry him and bear his evil seed, the Beast will surely murder everyone she knows. Lindsey agreed to forceful deal and the Beast left on his golf cart, waiting for his hand-picked bride.

Realizing that The Beast himself cannot be killed because he was actually and knowingly possessed by The Devil as his chosen earthly incarnation and the only beings who can destroyed him for good are Jesus and God, Ben and Lindsey searched for clues through Biblical passages and learned that the Bible does say the Antichrist can imprisoned only for a thousand years instead of for all eternity, though they both find that redundant and senseless. Yet, no one thought it through that this is the chance to stop the Antichrist by locking him up. Lindsey thought of a huge cage-like kennel built by her recently deceased father Lyle for her family's dog Buster who was actually something of an escape artist. While they are planning, they began having hypothetical scenarios of Earl Gundy turned good during his 1000 year incarceration; such as him having a cute pet and even giving cookies and other sweets to children.

In order to trap The Beast and imprison him for the next 1000 years, Lindsey and Ben had team up with his drug dealer brother Clark and his idiotic friend Fry, and Lindsey's undead neighbor Mr. Murphy in lure the Wraiths away from the gates of the Gundy mansion with pot, distract the Beastly Guards and lure them away from the Beast's mansion, and to drug the Beast and trap him in Buster's kennel for the next millennium.

8 hours later, Lindsey since she was invited by Earl Gundy as his date in the night only to become his new wife, was dressed up and ready to go with their plan against the Beast. As Lindsey was escorted to the Gundy mansion, Ben with Clark and Fry move forward. Meanwhile, the crooked but dim-witted televangelist Reverend Rick Forrest who was drinking alcohol and gets more rich but more depressed due to the fact he did not taken up to Heaven during the Rapture, announced that Jesus is coming from heaven to smite the Antichrist for God to establish His kingdom on Earth, while foul-mouthed crows flies around in cities everywhere that night, awaiting the final battle between good and evil.

Back at the Gundy Mansion, as 8 hours have passed and it becomes night, the King of Darkness was well dressed and ready for the big night as he sings "Sexy Beast". Lindsey Lewis finally arrived and entered the manor. She walks into the mansion's parlor where the Beast calls "Where We Gonna Do It". He than sings "I Wanna Touch Your Booty". Lindsey tried to give him his eggnog drink laced with her "lady bits" while dealing with ignoring the Beast's perverse attitude as well as having elegant dinner with him, distracting the Beastly Guards and even putting Little Beast to bed. Meanwhile Ben House after he knocked out his father Mr. House during argument over how to deal with the Beast, came to the Gundy Mansion and released Mr. Murphy to lure the Human Beastly Guards including Morgan away from their master and Lindsey while her brother Clark and his pal Fry distracts the Wraith Beastly Guards with marijuana.

At the Gundy Mansion's pool area, just as the Beast was about to consummate his fiendish union with the pure-hearted Lindsey Lewis, she calls out to her boyfriend Ben House while their plan did not go along as they thought so. When Earl Gundy learned that Lindsey only loves Ben more, he attempted to rape her in order to have his evil children, but Ben quickly came to her rescue. When the Beast tries to kill Ben with a handgun, Lindsey stopped him and tried to hit him with a champagne bottle but he easily grabbed it off her hand and knocked out Ben instead. Lindsey who is through with putting up with Earl and his evil nonsense including the gross things he said and the fear he installed in countless people, shoots the childish Antichrist dead 3 times including the first time he was standing and tried to wrestle the gun from her. But suddenly, the Beast was still alive and Ben and Lindsey both shot him numerous times before knocking him out with a shovel.

Desperate, the loving couple tried using the You-Know-Who Buster device in order to destroy the Beast once and for all, instead they accidently used it on a radiant emerging humanoid being on a white house in the sky who turned out to be Jesus Christ who is only here to fight the Beast and end the apocalypse, but now ended up being vanquished upon his sudden arrival much to the 2 good teens' dismay. Than came thunderous skies filled with peals of lightnings appeared over the Gundy Mansion and God came before Lindsey and Ben in a physical human form. Angered and disappointed, God blames and berates both Ben and Lindsey for the ultimate demise of His Son which ruined his rather detailed and specific divine plan involving the fate of the universe and the destiny of the human race.

Earl Gundy was later revived and returned as Satan and came up behind God and knocked him out with a shovel. Later the 2 powerful supernatural beings begun their ultimate battle in hand-to-hand, martial arts combat that will decide the fate of the world. During that fight between the Lord and the Beast, the two felled into a Jacuzzi still fighting and they are still fighting each other. When Earl Gundy punched God and grabbed a stereo by mistake while trying to get out of his Jacuzzi during their conflict, it only electrocuted and killed them both completely, ending the Apocalypse and setting Earth free from opposing cataclysmic forces of good and evil, all because of both Ben House and his now pregnant wife Lindsey Lewis who were the real heroes.

Quotes
"I might take you to rock bottom, but I'm gonna bring you back up...!"

- Earl Gundy during one of his political campaigns. "...because I'm Earl Gundy, and we can make it!"

- Earl Gundy during one of his political campaigns.

"Well, she's kind of a stupid, vapid whore, Liz. I'm just kidding. No, I'm not."

- Earl Gundy talking about his ex-wife Kimberlee during Liz's live interview with him. "And now she's off in Los Angeles tryin' to be an actress. Good luck."

- Earl Gundy about his ex-wife Kimberlee. "I prefer to be right here in Seattle. Go Mariners."

- Earl Gundy "Well, the problem with most of the women I meet is that they are all sluts, you know. And I'm lookin' for somebody who is, uh, old fashioned. The girl next door. With a nice rack and a nice round..."

- Earl Gundy about searching for the right woman to marry during Liz's live interview with him.

"This is my son, Little Beast."

- The Beast (Earl Gundy) introducing his illegitimate son Little Beast. "Little Beast has some special requirements for the pool area."

- Earl Gundy about his son's demands for his pool area. "The pool area. You heard me say pool area, right? Yes. Where are we standing right now?"

- Earl Gundy "Are you dumb or just stupid!?"

- Earl Gundy "Kim. Slow down."

- Earl Gundy arguing with his ex-wife Kimberlee. "My name is not Earl, okay. It's Beast."

- Earl Gundy aka The Beast.

"Goodbye, Kimberlee."

- Earl Gundy with deep resentment and disgust towards his ex-wife Kimberlee "Very funny. Right back at you, kid."

- Earl Gundy to Little Beast. "Who's your assistant, contractor?"

- Earl Gundy asking Mr. Walt House. "No. Not Rachel Maddow."

- Earl Gundy insultng Ben House. "Can I get you anything? Some iced tea? Mocha? Latte? Hot dog? Corn on the cob? Sausage? Other dick-shaped food?"

- Earl Gundy becoming attractive towards Lindsey Lewis. "I'm not a man you wanna say no to, my dear."

- Earl Gundy's warning about never taking no for an answer.

"Come on. Come. Come. No pun intended. Okay, pun very much intended. I won't bite you. Come on."

- Earl Gundy "Back to work, contractor."

- Earl Gundy ordering Mr. Walt House to get back to work. "Back to the house, Little Beast."

- The Beast (Earl Gundy) ordering Little Beast to return to his mansion. "But daahhhd!"

- The Beast (Earl Gundy) mocking Little Beast. "Get the fuck back in the house now! Fucker."

- The Beast (Earl Gundy) ordering his son Little Beast to return to his mansion. "You are delicious. You know that? I bet your vagina tastes like pistachio mint ice cream. Low Fat."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis.

"Ex-boyfriend. I'm just kiddin'. Not really. Go ahead."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis (while continues to mock her boyfriend Ben House). "Ohh. Bad luck."

- Earl Gundy "Bad luck for you, but good luck for me. Huh?"

- Earl Gundy "You know who you look like? You look like a cross between Scarlett Johansson and Hilary Swank. Did anyone ever tell you that, Lindsey?"

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "You gotta be kiddin' me."

- Earl Gundy "You. Who she look like?"

- Earl Gundy asking Morgan who Lindsey Lewis looked like.

"Shut up."

- Earl Gundy "Both lovely ladies with lovely racks, like yourself."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis who reminds him of both actresses Hilary Swank and Scarlett Johansson. "I have a wonderful, spontaneous idea. Let's have sex in these bushes right here."

- Earl Gundy attempting to seduce Lindsey Lewis. "Don't fight the impulse now, Lindsey."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "I think you do."

- Earl Gundy "What are you, a virgin? You are? Really?"

- Earl Gundy asking Lindsey Lewis if she is really a virgin.

"Winner! You a virgin?"

- Earl Gundy asking Lindsey Lewis. "That's great. Honey need a little slap."

- Earl Gundy "Shut your mouth!"

- Earl Gundy "Where are your sunglasses?!"

- Earl Gundy asking Morgan where his sunglasses is. "I promise you, your first time, no anal."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "And at first, I swear, I thought you were just another hot piece of ass, but a virgin! Ohhh! That is really something."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis.

"F**k y'all."

- Earl Gundy "You know, I'm no good at this type of thing, but... Fuck it. Marry me, Lindsey. Marry me and become the mother of my evil offspring."

- Earl Gundy demanding Lindsey Lewis to become his bride and the mother of his evil children. "I know! Call me impetuous. Call me an incurable romantic, but something in my gut tells me you're the one for me."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "Argh! Little Beast is a dud. I need more children, a mini-bus full, you know?"

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "You are having reservations, aren't you, my dear?"

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "I can tell. This is a horse."

- Earl showing Lindsey Lewis a horse statuette while giving her a full tour of his mansion.

"I want to show you something, Lindsey."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "Not that. Not yet. You will see my penis later."

- Earl Gundy "I know exactly what you are worried about, Lindsey."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. ""But, Mr. Beast. As much as I'm attracted to you, and I am. The truth is, I'm scared. If I marry you and become your evil queen, won't people despise me? Won't I become a target, just like you? And unlike you, if I'm killed, I won't return as 'Satan.'" Why am I using air quotes?"

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "I will be Satan."

- Earl Gundy (better known as The Beast) who is destined to become The Devil incarnate. "See, there's this rumor goin' around, this prediction of sorts, that before long, someone who shall remain nameless, Jesus, is gonna come down from the sky and vanquish me."

- Earl Gundy about his prophesized defeat at the hands of Jesus Christ.

"Yeah, but I don't think so."

- Earl Gundy "Whoo! Yeah! Bam!"

- Earl Gundy "Yeah! Toss my salad, crow! Suck my balls!"

- Earl Gundy after blasting on the Foulmouthed Crows with his You-Know-Who Buster. "That big motherfucker up there has no idea who he is dealin' with."

- Earl Gundy after demonstrating the firepower of his XGLTLGL laser cannon as a means to destroy Christ forever. "Excuse me."

- Earl Gundy speaking in seemingly high-pitched, flamboyant voice. "Your choice, my dear."

- The Beast (Earl Gundy) forcing Lindsey Lewis to choose the lesser of two evils.

"Of course. You have 8 hours. And in that time, if you are not back here, ready to marry me and bear my evil children, I will kill everyone you know. Sound fair?"

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "Ohhh! I feel so good about this, don't you? Take the rest of the day off, Lindsey."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "Get ready for tonight. Paint your toenails, trim your bush, bleach your asshole, douche, whatever."

- Earl Gundy "Don't trim your bush too much now."

- Earl Gundy "Adieu, Lindsey, adieu. Bye."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "Toodle-oo!"

- Earl Gundy

"Slow this bitch down!"

- Earl Gundy "It's fuckin' with my vertigo, motherfucka."

- Earl Gundy "Oh. Have you been chewing on my books? You adorable little scamp."

- Earl Gundy petting a cute mouse in a hypothetical scenario of his kindness during his 1000-year imprisonment. "Chocolate chip cookies, kids?"

- Earl Gundy offering cookies to children in a hypothetical scenario of his kindness during his 1000-year imprisonment. "You hungry little motherfuckas."

- Earl Gundy "♪Who is a sexy Beast?♪ ♪I am a sexy Beast♪ ♪Who is a sexy Beast?♪ I am a sexy Beast♪ ♪Who is a sexy...♪ Turn the mirror."

- Earl Gundy singing the "Sexy Beast" song.

"♪I am a sexy Beast♪ Who is a sexy Beast?♪ I am a sexy...♪ Ooh! You a sexy Beast. You a sexy Beast. Yeah. You a sexy Beast.♪"

- Earl Gundy singing the "Sexy Beast" song. "You. Is that a turn on, turn off?"

- Earl Gundy "You like that?"

- Earl Gundy "♪I'm going deep tonight. I'm going deep tonight.♪"

- Earl Gundy singing the "Sexy Beast". "You wanna do it? Did that get you wet?"

- Earl Gundy "Wow. Lindsey, you look... Look at those titties. So lovely."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis.

"Trim bush! Aw!"

- Earl Gundy "That was me gettin' an erection."

- Earl Gundy "Thank you. Service it? No! Now is the time for romance."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "Lindsey, I cannot imagine a lovelier receptacle for my evil seed than you."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "Welcome to where we are going to do it."

- Earl Gundy "♪ I want to touch your booty ♪ All night long ♪ I want to touch your booty ♪ And stick my dick in you, girl ♪ Stick my Stick my dick in your ♪ Stick my dick in your ♪ Stick my dick in your yeah, booty ♪ Hmm, stick my dick in your booty ♪ ♪"

- Earl Gundy singing the "I wanna Touch Your Booty" song.

"That was something I was workin' on for you."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis about his "I wanna Touch Your Booty" song. "I fuckin' love eggs. They remind me of titties."

- Earl Gundy about his love and taste for eggs. "Chocolate eggs, Easter eggs. Any type of eggs. You put some eggs in that, I am eatin' that shit. You know what I'm saying'? Yeah."

- Earl Gundy about his love and taste for eggs. "I love jelly beans, too."

- Earl Gundy about his love and taste for jelly beans. "But I hate Peeps. I despise them."

- Earl Gundy about his hatred and distaste for Peeps. "I'm puttin' those assholes out of business. I promise. I fuckin' hate them. I'm gonna take that whole company down. Put them out of business. Tomorrow, as a matter of fact."

- Earl Gundy threatening to decommission the Rodda Candy Company and put the Peeps candy out of production.

"Marshmallow ass chicken. Feel the power of the f*cking Beast. Peepco."

- The Beast (Earl Gundy) expressing his hatred of the Peeps candy. "I kick so much ass my feet need condoms."

- Earl Gundy "So, how's the gay boyfriend taking all of this, my dear?"

- Earl Gundy asking Lindsey Lewis about her boyfriend Ben House. ""Please don't leave me." "No. I'm with The Beast now, tiny, little, tiny boy." "But please, I love you." "No. "Get away from me with your chicken baby penis." "Oh! Lindsey, please." "I want Beast cock." "Please." "Beast cock!" "Please." "Beast cock!" Something like that?"

- Earl Gundy (mimicking both Lindsey Lewis and Ben House). "What can I say? I'm The Beast. I know these things."

- Earl Gundy "Freaky."

- Earl Gundy

"Beastly Guards. You will now come to me and join me in toasting your new queen."

- Earl Gundy summoning the Beastly Guards. "Come, Beastly Guards. Get your fat asses in here. Drink the nectar of eggs. Toast your new queen. Make sure everybody gets some."

- Earl Gundy ordering the Beastly Guards to drink eggnog and toast his new bride. "Goddamn it! I promised Little Beast I would go say goodnight. He will be crying all night if I don't."

- The Beast about Little Beast. "Don't worry. We will fuck soon. Duty calls."

- Earl Gundy "Get your fuckin' ass into bed, Little Beast!"

- The Beast shouting at Little Beast. "Don't be a dud, little fucker."

- The Beast (Earl Gundy) to Little Beast.

"Kids. Did I say anything that deserves that? So much."

- Earl Gundy "What a dud."

- Earl Gundy teasing Little Beast. "Oh, my sweet, protective, mother hen."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "He's still a dud, though. He won't be like our children."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis about Little Beast. "Here's a naughty idea. Let's have sex on his bed right now."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis (about having sex on Little Beast's bed.) "I gotta take a poop anyway."

- Earl Gundy

"Oh! This is going to be fantastic."

- Earl Gundy "Do you want to blow up something? Let's blow up Helsinki. Buenos Aires?"

- Earl Gundy (about destroying more cities on Earth). "You're not the girl I thought you were. You little vixen."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "You gonna blow up the world with me?"

- Earl Gundy "We are gonna bust the world up."

- Earl Gundy "I'm gonna bust all over your face."

- Earl Gundy

"Was that too much?"

- Earl Gundy "I was young and stupid and seduced by a natural blonde. Do you know what I mean?"

- Earl Gundy about his ex-wife Kimberlee. "Her pubes were blonde."

- Earl Gundy (about his ex-wife Kimberlee). "My pubes are black. As you will find out."

- Earl Gundy "You know the secret to shrimp is to take out the dark line in the back. That's their poo."

- Earl Gundy about shrimps. "I poop a lot. 3 to 4 times a day. That's why I'm so healthy."

- Earl Gundy

"So, where do you want to go for our honeymoon?"

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "Not that it matters, because you'll be gettin' face fucked the whole time, am I right?"

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "Let's stay here and just have intercourse."

- Earl Gundy "And watch movies. I love intercourse."

- Earl Gundy "I love movies. Are you a Vin Diesel fan?"

- Earl Gundy asking Lindsey Lewis if she is a fan of actor Vin Diesel. "Oh! I knew it! F**kin' The Chronicles of Riddick, are you kidding me?"

- Earl Gundy after Lindsey Lewis answered his question that she is a Vin Diesel fan.

"Let's go make the beast with two backs."

- Earl Gundy "Get it? The beast with two backs, because I'm The Beast and I got a back and you got a..."

- Earl Gundy "It's not that funny. Come on, let's go."

- Earl Gundy "Jacuzzi? Sounds sexy."

- Earl Gundy "If I was a dinosaur, guess what kind of dinosaur I'd be. A Lickalottapuss."

- Earl Gundy "Do you get it? Because I would be lickin' your vagina all the time."

- Earl Gundy

"What cha lookin' for, baby? I'm right here."

- Earl Gundy suspecting Lindsey Lewis. "Are you callin' your boyfriend?"

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis whose heart belonged to Ben House. "Baby! I thought we had something. This hurts. I thought we had a moment."

- Earl Gundy after finding out that Lindsey Lewis is only in love with Ben House. "That's cool. I didn't really like you that much. Whatever."

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis. "This is who you are screamin' for? This Frodo-lookin' motherfucker? He even walks gay! I'm The Beast, baby!"

- Earl Gundy to Lindsey Lewis about his boyfriend Ben House. "Beastly Guards!"

- Earl Gundy summoning the Beastly Guards.

"Okay, what does that mean?"

- Earl Gundy "Wraiths, come to me."

- Earl Gundy summoning the Wraiths. "Fuckin' useless potheads."

- Earl Gundy about the Wraiths who are now high on marijuana. "That's a good one. Hey, I got a good one, too. How about you do like this (SPUTTERS) to my booty-hole?"

- Earl Gundy "What are you gonna do to me, anyway, huh? What you gonna do, kill me?"

- Earl Gundy "I don't even know how to respond to that."

- Earl Gundy

"But you know what? Seeing as how I have better things to do, like make it with your lady, how about I shoot you?"

- Earl Gundy before he tried to kill Ben House and steal Lindsey Lewis. "I killed Jimmy Neutron!"

- Earl Gundy who only knocked Ben House unconscious. "What? What are you gonna do, huh? You don't wanna shoot me. Unless you want me to come back as Satan."

- Earl Gundy's warning about himself coming back as Satan. "I'm lame? You're datin' Peter Brady."

- Earl Gundy about both Lindsey Lewis and Ben House. "Whatever."

- Earl Gundy "Let's party, baby."

- The Beast (Earl Gundy).

"See ya later, baby."

- The Beast (Earl Gundy). "Fuck. I am unstoppable!"

- Earl Gundy "That really hurts... Ah, damn!"

- Earl Gundy "Will you stop shooting... Fuck you!"

- Earl Gundy "This can't be legal."

- Earl Gundy "I know what you're thinkin'. Ow! Bitch!"

- Earl Gundy

"Quick question."

- Earl Gundy "Motherfucka!"

- Earl Gundy "What are you gonna do now, fool?"

- The Beast (Earl Gundy) showing off his immortality. "What time is it?"

- Earl Gundy "You don't seem like the type now."

- Earl Gundy "Go to bed, Little Beast. Little fucker."

- Earl Gundy (about Little Beast).

"That's right, big boy!"

- Earl Gundy "Oh, it's all about me. And my official name is Satan. So, none of this "Earl" bullshit."

- Satan (Earl Gundy) to God. "Do you think I wanna talk? No, no, no. All I wanna do is kick your candy ass."

- The Beast (Earl Gundy). "Thou shalt whoop your ass!"

- The Beast (Earl Gundy). "That's all you got?"

- Earl Gundy "C'mon. C'mon, bitch."

- Earl Gundy

"Whoo-hoo! Bitch."

- Earl Gundy "Time-out? No, you're fresh out of time-outs, bitch."

- Earl Gundy "Revelations, bitch!"

- The Beast (Earl Gundy). "Get the fuck off me, Tattoo! Now what?"

- Earl Gundy to God "Who the fuck do you think you're fuckin' with? Abraham?"

- Earl Gundy to God. "I'm gonna fuck your shit up!"

- Earl Gundy

"Come on, Confucius."

- Earl Gundy to God. "I'm gonna bottle you, motherfucka."

- Earl Gundy threaten to cut God with a broken bottle. "Almighty, my ass!"

- Earl Gundy to God. "You are one to talk."

- Earl Gundy to God (about who is a worse father). "My name is Satan!"

- The Beast (Earl Gundy) correcting God. "I had enough of this shit!"

- Last words of the Beast (Earl Gundy) before he and God died in the end.

Trivia

 * Earl Gundy's alias "The Beast", while everyone mistakes that he thinks it makes him sounded cool, is actually a direct reference to the demonic figure in the Bible's Book of Revelation. He along with his aliases served as somewhat a combination of all 3 unholy monsters (The Devil, the Antichrist and the False Prophet) who were all called The Beast.