User:DamnedToHell

I'm at peace with being dead some other place as long as I get to live as a ghost and haunt people that are important to me and be around them... Whoaoaooo! Throwing out all the chances that I've had to pursue power at the expense of other people and leaving it behind. It's a lonely, arduous road that in the end will leave you bankrupt as an individual sometimes. I wouldn't recommend it. I'll support anyone who pursues power and money for good within moral constraints and acceptable standards of conduct and reform. I was never actually that mean. Half of the time I'd be misunderstood for something I said. I'm also generally not a bully and don't care about popularity for the sake of being popular. I also think some of the people around me may've been misunderstood, but at times felt acted like an asshole. People do change and I want to believe in that, but I know not everyone is what they look like all the time. I tried to be understanding but I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes myself. Probably damned myself to hell for others, but I change too. Every time I could've done anything at the expense of other people, I most often just chose to do something at my expense. Some people are motivated by power and money for the sake of having it, but me I couldn't give a damn about those things. I sacrificed every material thing, image, that I owned in the past. It doesn't mean I'd sacrifice other people or leave anything to destruction. I didn't however sacrifice certain morals or people. I can be labeled any type character out there, but it doesn't mean people really know me. I obviously don't like torturing people. If you're going to act like an asshole just don't expect people to be nice to you, but I digress of having tried to at least be civil and try to be understanding. I do admit to trolling just a little in the past... I can... snap sometimes but that's only when provoked. Most of the time I didn't really feel anything other than an innate sense of a defense mechanism. I would not invite someone back with the purpose of humiliating them however. I kind of used to test people sometimes, but I would never use violence and torture. I'm a lot better at handling these type of things in modern times and I'm quite honest about what I think to others nowadays. Not going to lie, I did feel at one point I wanted revenge on someone for somebody else, due to reasons that would've probably been justified, before I realized how much it wasn't worth it and probably the only reason I didn't was because I cared along with having apprehensions of whether what I was doing was okay and I certainly wouldn't destroy planets... I'm not okay with destruction.

I once wanted to arrest Atomsk, who was allegedly the Pirate King at the time, without actually knowing him personally. That awkward moment when he's next to you. Obviously my aim wasn't to get someone elses' power. Obviously I didn't rob anyone to sustain my selfish desire to live a world where I committed suicide. I think I owe people though and I wanted to return what I owed out of gratitude. I guess I wanted to see some progress, reform and change. Yeah, I'm probably going to get flak for that.

I poke fun at myself mostly, I poke fun at situations, I poke fun at people, but it's almost never really in a mean-spirited way unless someone is determined to be hard to deal with... Assholes. I know trolling when I see it. Though, there are different types of trolls with different alignments. I just didn't want to prolong a pointless fight. I didn't want to do anything that would be a burden, but I really could not help but feel the way I did. I did things that I have probably regretted for reasons. It doesn't matter though now, because I know people change and they're not always what they look like... Most of the people I joked around with were people I knew and were comfortable with. On the surface of things, most people didn't really know me well. At times, I am quite sarcastic in a fun loving and non mean-spirited way. People don't always pick up on that. Never called anyone a loser. I never called anyone fat in a mean way. Never taunted people for their appearances, which by the way was only mentioned in a rap battle which shouldn't even be taken too seriously. I quote "Beauty will fade with age, what's left is your soul, personality and knowledge.". I didn't lead people in a chorus mocking someone for being a 'king'. I was never racist either. I refuse to fit into the mold someone else makes me out to be and that is why I tend to often state, that yes I'm a good person. I'm just not too great at expressing myself. I'm not a narcissist by the way... I'm not after being the center of attention. I don't consider other people to be chained to perform my will. I also don't consider people to be something to use and discard. I just want to be okay with what kind of person I am. I was upset at the death of someone else... I'm divided between sides though, and the past isn't always applicable to how someone is now. It's perhaps best to start new elsewhere rather than purposely sabotage other people. I grew up in a pirate type of guild even though I didn't like piracy myself, which by the way, has probably become The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything TV trope type of guild. I'd rather have it that way, unless they're choosing to act in defense or against the destruction of guilds and reform, but everyone has their own lives. In the end I wouldn't want the death of others. Though I think people should take responsibility and be accountable for their actions. I wouldn't mind starting with a clean slate, not just for myself but others, even if I was previously threatened by others. One thing that won't make me follow someone is out of being threatened. I've got other reasons for it.

Quite interesting how people seem to want to rule the world without considering the massive responsibility it entails and the massive mobilization it would require and the consequences of having done it the wrong way. It's in my opinion, that it can be too much for one person to hold and so it is necessary to pass it on to the right people, because absolute power can corrupt absolutely. There will always be people diverging on ideologies. It's why some wars are instigated, if not for profit, built on the blood of millions, but it'd be nice to prevent bloodshed wouldn't it. It'd be nice to live in a world where no one has to do die and everything's right. Don't expect people not to point a gun at you if you've got one pointed at them. Don't expect no resistance when committing to unjustified invasions. I'd probably accept help to rebuild for my former country though, if that's what others offer and what they choose to do, and I'd be grateful. It was just a place where I felt at home before, family, if I had a choice, I'd reform it to represent what's good, to provide aid to other people, if it's not already reformed, but I'm not going back to my former country. To change anything, you've got to say something and do something, I'd rather take the reform route, but I know that route isn't always viable.

I don't care if you're famous, have power, have popularity, have intelligence or have money. I would still care even if you weren't... If someone cared about me, I would appreciate that a lot and make an effort to care about someone else back, but I would ultimately disagree if I have to on certain issues that I can't bring myself to agree with. I was once a generally compassionate person and I do try to be so right now, but I'm quite jaded. I'm not going to agree to everything someone else says. I actually wanted independence for my former country, but I didn't want bloodshed or destruction or slavery or to commit unacceptable standards of conduct. Ha, I once had the intention of creating healer ninjas. I am however, great-full for others support. The deaths of others is a big regret of mine, and I probably would've rather died instead. I'm not a saint, but I've always been caring... The only times I feel like I want to live is to talk with people who are important to me. It's not about status for me, if I cared about that, I wouldn't associate with people others look down on for the wrong reasons, but maybe because I'm look down on too.

I don't think I'm entitled to something I did not work for or earn or feel like I've done something that is unacceptable to my standards of conduct. I am pretty grateful to others when I am warranted to. I am trying to determine what is happening and what I should do in regards to current events or if I even should mention or do anything at all, taking a second look at the different perspectives I'm looking at. Everyone has a reason to do what they do. I really don't think that someone's a psychopath just because they're labeled one, but people have their own reasons for actions. I also think that there's a reasonable limit where the past shouldn't really be considered as the person they are now. They're not always what they look like. People change. I never actually killed anyone because I committed suicide instead. Although I'm grateful to others, I can probably hold my own and never really thought about romance much in the past before I realized I was in love with someone. I won't however, let people destroy my new home, what I've built along with others to represent a place for people to feel welcome as long as they don't act like an asshole towards others and can get along with them, and against the elitism rampant elsewhere. I'm not going to die there. I wouldn't abandon people, even if everyone hated them. That is of course, is if I have to let go because they want to. I'm unwilling to frame others for something that should be my responsibility and I wouldn't consciously frame anyone. Right, and rape is something I'd consider not acceptable to be okay with.

Do you know what it takes to be a real hero? Real heroes don't frame people and don't have a need to be a hero by slaying others just to gain a title of hero when people show regret and changes. It's not about a destiny, it's about the choices you make and you can make your own choices outside of destinies people set up for you.

I would probably like Neil Goldman as a friend. He can probably find someone else to love him as more than a friend someday. He seems like a nice guy.

It's okay to be gay. I love gay boys. No wonder. O.o

It's comforting to know when alone and abandoned that there's someone out there who will always care about you, even if you don't necessarily agree to everything that someone does or says. For that, I'm grateful. Even on my own, with everything raining down on me, I won't kowtow to your tune just because you're powerful, popular, have money. Just give me a good reason why I should agree with you. I don't care about being a hero at all costs because at the end of the day I couldn't look at myself and be okay with what I did to someone, specifically people who I should consider friends or someone who is actually innocent. I just care about doing the right thing no matter how hard it is and the friends that I have made. I wouldn't frame other people who are innocent just to make myself a hero. I did not plant bombs at my old home or somebody elses' home, even if I did want revenge for someone else, I just really can't bring myself to use these tactics, but I'm willing to die so other people don't have to... Even if it makes me a villain. If I had a choice between money and the people who actually cared about me, I'd rather take the people who actually cared about me, but I've also got a responsibility to do the right thing, but I believe do change and aren't always what they look like. That's why I'd rather pass it on to someone who I know will do something right and good with it and then die. The people who I usually respond ill to look kind of like assholes, but perhaps they're not really what they look like and I wanted to believe that maybe there's something more to it than what their image portrays. I actually gave them a chance and winded up having to cover for some people... I was genuinely a kind person though and I've lost quite a bit of that innocence. Pshh, please, you think I'm after wealth for myself? I've always said I thought it's something to be used for good and if I pass that on to someone who will use it for good, then I don't mind. I was caring, but I'm tired of caring for people who toss me into the dirt despite how much I cared. I'm not cruel or a sadist. Perhaps all I wanted was someone who genuinely cared about me instead of being used and discarded like I'm a tool for other people. I return what I owe and I do owe gratitude towards others. I dislike it when others are so willing to sacrifice other people who aren't willing to be killed, who are innocent, to claw their way into power and then choose to discard them like they don't matter, but I'm not that person and I'm not going to end up that way just because I'm labeled as such due to a past image that doesn't represent who I am. I don't do things out of personal profit a lot of the time, but more as an interest in doing good, defending the innocent and weak. Perhaps make people independent enough to continue on. To spend time in general with people who are important to me. I don't destroy, merely reform. I didn't order destruction. Revenge is a waste of time. Do something good. Everyone can change... I probably can't abandon someone unless they do it first, I just don't find some things acceptable. I really do not mind being used to heal people so long as I'm not actually helping someone murder innocent people or murder in general or violence when there's other ways you could do something. It's not like I trap people in towers out of a selfish desire to be beautiful and young forever and immortal at the cost of someone elses' life.

When you make someone a monster. You'll probably get a monster. Maybe they're not that bad and all they need is a chance. I really can't disregard the lives of other people. Cough, on a few occasions I have only pretended to stomp on people. I don't mind just setting people free from their contract to me if it makes them happier. Maybe all I was just looking for were people who actually cared in spirit so it didn't feel like I was alone, and other people didn't feel alone. I really do appreciate the friends I do have. I'm not the type of person who'd climb over the corpses of others and still be okay with myself. I'm not against fair role-play type of wars by the way. I dislike wars that are fought with subterfuge that somehow breaks a ton of moral constraints. I do understand that some people break the rules for certain reasons, maybe for empathetic and sympathetic reasons... It's not an excuse to commit a morally unacceptable plan though. Anyways, I always did genuinely care for a select few people and I always did try to care on a general caring for humanity type of thing. If someone cares about me, I would reciprocate that care. It wasn't about making myself look good. I do so utterly loathe tactics that involve framing others for something they don't do and I'm not going to be proponent of that, but I also do owe it to other people to say something in their defense. I also owe it to other people to keep them alive. There's two sides, it's sometimes hard to discern which one is actually true, but even so people do change and they aren't always what they look like.

Dear Diary, Mello is merely misunderstood, writing this down so he doesn't have to live with a mask forever. Redheads and pink people are also probably misunderstood. Chris is probably misunderstood too. I'm pretty much blind to sides. I just kind of want to see everyone turn out okay in a modern world. I believe people really don't have to live in the past or a preset.

I somehow didn't kill Robert Baratheon when I had the chance. O.o


 * 1) Because fuck game of thrones.

Can always start new after an artificial death. I'm not about sacrifice other people for my mistakes. I don't mind being damned, but I'm not Jesus - I mean Yeesus. Humans can be labeled demons - It doesn't mean they actually are one by default because they're labeled as such and it doesn't mean people deserve to die for being labeled as a demon, in my view even people labeled as demons can achieve redemption and a non hypocritical Jesus out there would extend that forgiveness to even former demons who actually want to change and are remorseful instead of slaughtering people just because of their lineage. Even if I do think people should be accountable for their own actions, but you know not everyone is what they look like all the time. Besides, no one actually has to die in an illogical world, if you play your cards right, there's other ways you can achieve something. Sometimes force can actually be justifiable... In an illogical world it is scarcely needed as you only really need it when in a defensive state most of the time. White lies can actually be justifiable. Just not the type that frame people for selfish reasons when they are unwilling to take that burden. e_e

Funny, I wouldn't destroy a marriage for a selfish desire to have some guy or girl all to myself. I feel empathetic to other people that kind of look like a w00bie... Everyone can probably get along if they try or want to. Well as long as people are happy and it doesn't infringe on the basic human rights of others. XD

Imagine living with a narcissist, but even then I'm grateful and I tell them this, which somehow always results in me being accused of being ungrateful. I only respond back with the same rudeness I am treated to when it becomes overly unbearable. However, I have always been grateful. Never been that arrogant. I am a master of none, but I have a variety of basic skills... That I haven't really practiced continuously. I get increasingly distracted by a lot of things that are hard for me to get past and stop thinking about. I'm often at half attention when I do most things on the computer. I don't blame everything on other people and it's not like I blame others for my mistakes, but other people don't necessarily understand where I come from all the time, a lot more so because of some of my inability to effectively communicate. I'm really not a spoiled brat even though somehow people get that impression and I don't blame them, but they don't necessarily know where I come from. It's really tough to concentrate when getting an earful of things... I also don't call people weird in a mean way... Yeah there's probably reasons why I somehow come across certain ways in the past. I'd also rather people tell the truth than lie to me, I'm totally open to constructive criticism, but if all you're going to be is negative and threatening without actually providing something that people can use to improve, then please resist the urge to be an asshole. O.o

I'm almost always willing to give people a second chance on multiple things as long as it's morally acceptable to do so and it probably won't come back to somehow cause major havoc... I'd probably jump at a second chance if I was ever given it. I do value the friends I have, even if they're not totally in line with what ideal person I have in mind. I'm not perfect either.

I think the following has interesting lyrics.

In this moment - Whore

One Mic - Nas

The All-American Rejects - Top of the World

Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest