Doctor Phage

"Oh, dear. You'd better calm down there, gramps, we don't want you blowing your booklungs all over your freshly mucused gown, do we? Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back with our head transfusionator. We'll have those hearts pumping healthy yellow bile again in no time!"

- Dr. Phage to Fern, showing his complete incompetence with treating grey-zoners

Dr. H. M. Phage, T. E. is the head of the hospital in the webcomic Awful Hospital and Fern's main antagonist, seen as the one who separated Fern from her diseased son.

Description
Dr. Phage generally sees himself as the smartest doctor to ever exist, and regularly flaunts his percieved superiority over everyone else and treating people with what he percieves to be superior healthcare. He talks in great length about his accomplishments and degrees, many of which he himself invented. He seems to be clueless to the fact that peopel regularly tire of his narcissism. Despite his highly magnified self-image, however, he appears like a doofus to most people. This is especially true of grey-zoners, of whom he knows very little. He does, however, seem more knowledgeable about patients not in the grey zone.

When Dr. Phage is walking around in the hospital, he is often seen walking with Doctor Phleboto Mizer. Mizer is generally more level-headed, and questions Phage's greatness regularly. Phage generally shakes these remarks off or is annoyed by them, refusing to accept that he isn't the most knowledgeable doctor to exist.

In addition, he also enjoys ducks and bowties a lot. In fact, Dr. Phage has such a large collection of bowties that he rarely, if ever, is seen wearing the same bowtie twice, even within the same layer. His tie collection comes from a tie zone within his head, and he regularly expects deliveries for more bowties. He also sees the world in drawings, which ironically makes sense given that this webcomic is digitally drawn. This does lead to a moment when Dr. Phage is tricked into not entering his lab when he sees a drawing of himself already in the lab and assumes it to be his real self. Given the way that "time" works in this webcomic, this also ironically makes sense. This also leads to a situation in which he sees his reflection on the floor and races with it, assuming it to be another him.

Phage is completely asexual, and as such, he never ships himself with anyone. He does enjoy shipping others, however. This does disprove a previous fan theory that Phage has feelings for Doctor Circula Tori, though he does still recognize her for her skill.