Sir (A Series of Unfortunate Events)

"I'M THE BOSS!"

- Sir's catchphrase

Sir is a recurring antagonist in the Series of Unfortunate Events, he is the owner of the Lucky Smells Lumbermill and one of the main antagonists of the series, even though he is not in Count Olaf's troupe.

Origins
Sir's real name is never revealed. Lemony Snicket himself says that he never saw Sir's real face, but it's hinted Sir may be Asian, because of his many varying wrong names,  such as Mr Wuz, Mr Qui, and Mr Bek. His real name may be something like Mr Quiwuzbek, or some Asian name. All that is revealed is that his real name is "very long, and too difficult to pronounce" Mr Poe says "If it's too difficult for an adult it's much too difficult for a child."

Sir was part of V.F.D., the Volunteer Fire Department, and was implied to be their financier. Sir was originally a volunteer, but he became greedy and ambitious and power hungry, and became an arsonist, instead. Sir was neutral in the schism, on neither side, and only cared about himself and his goals. He mistreated his partner, Charles, and denied his employees money, only paying them in illegal coupons.

Count Olaf
Sir had some trouble with Count Olaf in his past, because Charles remembered that to make the Hotel Denouement, they had to ship a whole load of lumber in the middle of the night. But Charles thought Sir hadn't heard from V.F.D. again. Sir said him and Charles split the shares equally. Sir knew of Count Olaf before he appeared disguised as a receptionist and he wanted him out of his town.

The Baudelaires
Sir agreed to foster the Baudelaire oprhans, whom he greeted with a note on the dusty floor of his yard rather than a warm welcome, and the note coldly told them to report to main reception, where Sir was. The Baudelaires were alarmed by Sir's appearence, his entire head was covered in cigarette smoke, and he was the smallest man they'd seen, further hinting his Asian origins. Sir was outright unwelcoming to the children and said that he was only fostering them until they got their money and left. Sir offered "one of the most unfair deals" which was: if the Baudelaires stayed and worked every day, then Sir would try and keep Count Olaf out of the town. The Baudelaires tried to say that a lumbermill was too dangerous for children to work, but Sir kept saying that it was good for them to learn work. Charles also tried to stand up for the children, but Sir bullied him into making them work.

Sir also appeared when Klaus had been hypnotized by Count Olaf, and Sir got angry at Phil's broken leg caused when Klaus smashed the machine. Sir sent the Baudelaires a very rude letter, and then threatened them with expulsion if they "caused any more accidents." Sir said he knew of a nice woman in town named Shirley, who would adopt them, but she was really Count Olaf in disguise. The Baudelaires could take it no longer and went to see Sir, who yelled at them for not making an appointment, and he said that did he look like an idiot to them because he knew Shirley was a woman. But the Baudelaires wanted to see Mr Poe but Sir denied them their safety saying his money was more important, and told them literally to piss off out his office.

Sir appeared next after Phil had almost been sliced to death in the saw by a hypnotized Klaus, but Violet unhypnotized him and all the Baudelaires saved Phil from the bald man, Count Olaf's henchman, who was going to kill Phil with Count Olaf. When the evil hypnotist, Dr Orwell, was sliced up in the saw by accident, Sir appeared with Mr Poe to discuss the Baudelaire money and the mill's safety.

Sir dismissed the Baudelaires on the spot when Shirley was revealed to be Count Olaf and said don't bother come back to Olaf because the Baudelaires wouldn't be at his mill. Sir said boarding school would be much better for the orphans, and only reluctantly agreed to call police about Count Olaf's escape.

Hotel Denouement
Sir reappeared with Charles at the mysterious Hotel Denouement, where he had been summoned to a party where he'd be rewarded for his prized lumber. Sir said that it was JS who had organized the party, meaning Jacques Snicket, because of his V.F.D. connections. Sir was looking forward to his business profiting and he was suddenly reunited with Klaus who was a conceirge there. But Sir didn't recognize Klaus because he was in a sauna - but although he was in a sauna he hadn't undressed, he was still in his business suit for some reason. Sir was just as rude as ever to everybody, even hotel managers, and he dismissed Klaus on the spot and said that Charles wasn't to tell Klaus anything. Sir said that one of the Baudelaires, who the paper had said were killers, could kill him, and Sir said that he liked to drop a cigarette into a pond and watch the ripples.

When Dewey Denouement was killed, Sir was in the trial of the Baudelaires and Count Olaf, and Sir was against the orphans. Sir presented evidence to condemn the children. Later, when Olaf escaped, Sir was one of the witnesses who was searching for the orphans in the hotel, and was seen arguing with Charles. Sir didn't believe the Baudelaires when they told him of the fire they'd started to tell V.F.D of their failure, and Sir was presumed to have died in the fire.