Giant Gila Monster

The Giant Gila Monster Mexican beaded lizard that appeared as the titular antagonists of the 1959 classic film The Giant Gila Monster The movie opens with a young couple, Pat Wheeler and Liz Humphries parked in a bleak, rural locale overlooking a ravine. A giant gila monster attacks the car, sending it into the ravine and killing the couple.

Cut to a lone Hitchhiker on the highway. A man wearing a three-pieced suit, hitchhiking along the highway in the middle of the night in BFE, Texas. Yeah,  that  happens a lot. (Kids, if you don’t know what "BFE" means, then ask your father.) Scary music indicates that this lone, although well dressed, hitchhiker is about to become a midnight snack.

Chase and the Sheriff head back to town but stop to investigate when they come across an abandoned suitcase standing beside the road. (The one from the Well Dressed Hitchhiker.) Cut to next day. A drunk, drivingly wildly (as drunks are wont to do), crashes into a ditch. In an incredible coincidence, Chase Just Happens To Be Right Behind Him In His Tow Truck, and pulls him out of the rut. As Chase Winstead meet Steamroller Smith labors with the wreck, the drunk explains that he crashed after seeing a giant pink-and-black lizard in the road, but since he’s, you know, drunk, Chase dismisses his story as hog wash. Oh gee. Cut to a large fuel Mr Compton driving his tanker truck trundling along down a lonely road. Hmmmm. A quick shot of a gila monster sticking its tongue out is enough to cause the driver to raise his hands to his face and yell, "Ahhhh!" with about as much enthusiasm as could be mustered by an actor trying to act afraid of a non-existent menace. For some reason, merely letting go of the steering wheel causes the truck to turn into a model, tip onto its side, and burst into flames explosion, Well, this heart-breaking scene is interrupted by the phone ringing. Yes, the fuel truck wreckage has been found. Chase Winstead, Sheriff Jeff, and Old Man Harris head out to take a look. The driver is missing, and dad-gummit, they just can’t figure it out. Going to find Mr Compton? Cut to Old Man Harris driving down a lonely road. He spots a train cruising alongside the road, guns his car, and zips across a railroad crossing just a few feet in front of the speeding train. (Needless to say, the type of locomotive pulling the train changes from shot to shot. In fact, I saw at least 3 different types of trains right after each other. Nice job, guys.) Unfortunately for the crew aboard the train, the gila monster has knocked out a bridge a little further down the line. Harris can only watch in horror as the speeding locomotive turns into a model train and hurtles off a toy bridge into a table-top ravine complete with a sleepy gila monster at the bottom Harris drive back to the Police Station. and Gila Monster Attack the Train.

long, boring scene where Steamroller Smith plays a song by a new ‘mystery’ singer. The crowd goes wild for the song, but can’t seem to figure out who the singer is. Well, let  me  take a shot in the dark:

It’s Chase! It’s Chase! It’s Chase! Let’s get moving here! I’m not getting any younger! OK, well at least the monster has arrived outside the barn and is about to raise some living hell. Chase’s rendition of "The Mushroom Song" is (mercifully) interrupted by the monster smashing through the side of the barn and peeking around a bit.

Teens scream and run outside. The gila monster smashes up the model barn. Pretty standard stuff here. Blah. Sheriff Jeff chases the monster off with some well placed rifle shots. Meanwhile Chase has a light-bulb moment and rushes home (along with Lisa) to collect the jars of nitroglycerin (each jar is labeled simply with "XXX", whatever the hell  that’s  supposed to mean…) that he has stored behind the gas station.

Chase drives around for awhile and spots the trail of destruction left behind by the gila monster. (This destruction comprises mostly of a knocked over tree and a ruined fence.) "They usually travel in a straight line!" says mechanic-cum-gila monster expert Chase. His heart leaps in his throat when he notes that the house where Missy Winstead was staying at His Mom was kills by Gila Monster (don’t ask, she spent the night at her friends house…I think) has been destroyed by the monster. Alas, Missy is nowhere to be found. Well, I take that back. Chase decides to cut across a bumpy field (with a gallon of nitro bouncing around in the front seat) and sees Missy laying helpless in the middle of nowhere. (Umm…What the  hell  is she doing out there? My head hurts.)

Lisa jumps out to protect Missy as Chase directs the car directly at the lizard. Jumping out at the last moment, Chase watches with relief as the car smacks the gila monster in the nose and explodes, thus blowing the lizard into smithereens.

Tie up loose ends, everybody smiles, cut to burning gila monster, fade to black.