The Spanish Inquisition

"NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisitions!"

- Announcement of the Inquisition's arrival

The Spanish Inquisition are a well-known group of three Spanish cardinals in Monty Python's Flying Circus, portrayed by, and  respectively.

Biography
The Inquisition appear in three sketches in the episode "The Spanish Inquisition", the first being "Trouble at the Mill". It is 1911 and a mill worker tells Lady Mountback that there is "trouble at the mill". However, Mountback doesn't understand, and the mill worker tells her "I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition". This prompts three men wearing red uniforms to burst in and the one at the front of the group (Cardinal Ximinez) to shout "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition". Ximinez then says that their chief weapon is surprise, only to correct himself and say "Surprise and fear", then begins listing off more weapons (at one point leaving the room and coming back when the mill worker repeats that he wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition) until he ends up with fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms. Embarrassed, he asks Cardinal Biggles to take over as he can't say it properly, but he refuses and Ximinez bundles the cardinals out again, forcing the mill worker to repeat again that he didn't expect the Inquisition. However, Biggles makes even more of a hash of it than Ximinez, forcing Ximinez to skip the main weapons and move on to the charges. The third cardinal, Fang, reads the charge of heresy from his charges sheet and tries to digress before Ximinez interrupts. Lady Mountback pleads innocent, prompting a laugh from the Inquisition and the subtitle "DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER". Biggles tells her that they will soon change her mind, leading to another superimposed subtitle, "DIABOLICAL ACTING". Ximinez tells Biggles to bring in the rack, only for Biggles to produce a dish drying rack as he forgot the real one. He then makes a pathetic attempt to tie Lady Mountback to the rack and turns an imaginary handle to torture her at the orders of an infuriated Ximinez.

In another sketch, "Photos of Uncle Ted", an old woman and a younger woman are looking a pictures of someone called Uncle Ted standing in various places around the garden shed. However, one picture is actually of the Spanish Inquisition hiding behind the garden shed. The young woman comments that she didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition and, right on cue, the Inquisition burst with Ximinez's trademark "NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!".

The scene then cuts to the old woman in the Inquisition's dungeon. Ximinez charges her with three offences, but changes it to four after reading them out and realising his mistake (all the charges are different forms of heresy). She refuses to confess, forcing the Inquisition to pathetically attempt to torture her by poking her with cushions (despite Biggles insisting that all the stuffing has gone over to one end, this predictably fails). Ximinez then orders Fang to bring in "the comfy chair". Fang is horrified, but Biggles brings in the chair regardless. After roughly pushing her into the chair, Ximinez tells her that unless she confesses, she will stay in the comfy chair until lunchtime with only a cup of coffee at eleven. He then realises how pathetic this is and suggests that they "make it worse by shouting a lot".

In the final sketch of the episode, "Race Against the Credits", a judge who was put on trial in the previous sketch is sentenced to be burned at the stake. Surprised, the judge comments that he didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition. Everyone in the courtroom then looks expectantly towards the door, but the Inquisition doesn't burst in. The scenes cuts to the Inquisition, who are running across town while the credits roll in a desperate attempt to make it to the courthouse before the episode ends. After a frantic dash across town, during which they break the fourth wall by jumping off a bus in response to the producer's name coming up on the screen, the Inquisition reach the courthouse just as the words "The End" come up on screen. Ximinez tries to shout his line, but only gets to "Nobody expects the" before realising it's the end and saying "Oh bugger".

Trivia

 * Ximinez appears in a later episode during the sketch "Vox Pops on Aftershave", claiming to use four different types of aftershave: frankincense, myrrh, sandalwood and one other that he was cut off before being able to name.
 * Also in that episode, a police constable says he'll do a chemist for heresy and the chemist says "Heresy? Blimey, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition", however nothing happens.
 * This suggests that the Inquisition may have disbanded after their failure to reach the courtroom in time.