Roach (Demon Knight)


 * "This 'Hell on Earth' business? Big fucking deal. I got hemorroids!"
 * —Roach, to The Collector

Roach is a minor villain appearing in the 1995 horror film Tales from the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight. He was played by Thomas Haden Church, who also played Flint Marko/Sandman in Spider-Man 3.

Roach is the boyfriend of Cordelia, a prostitute living at the church-turned-hotel run by Irene. Roach arrives at the hotel, where he kisses Cordelia and talks briefly about how a man (who, unknown to Roach at the time, is Frank Brayker, now a guest at the hotel) was caught trying to steal his boss Homer's car before heading upstairs with Cordelia to her room for a sexual escapade. Later, Deputy Bob searches the hotel for an artifact that The Collector claims Brayker stole from him and comes upon Roach and Cordelia having kinky sex using a car engine; he orders the couple to put clothes on and escorts them downstairs, where The Collector appears interested in them.

Not long after, the Collector kills Sheriff Tupper and a fight ensues between him and the Collector. After the Collector jumps out the window, Roach watches with the other residents as the Collector uses his own blood to summon an army of demons. During the demons' assault on the hotel, Roach suggests that he and Cordelia flee and reacts angrily when Cordelia stalls. He exits the hotel while Cordelia tries to get him to come back inside. Unfortunately, a demon appears and Roach pushes Cordelia to be taken by the demon while he runs back into the hotel, leaving Wally to come to Cordelia's rescue.

During a pause in the demonic assault, Roach mocks Cordelia and Wally's friendship. Cordelia reminds Roach that he was the one who left her outside, but Roach simplys asks her, "Well, who the hell told you to follow me?" When Cordelia tells him she knows who her true friends are (meaning Wally), Roach retorts, "Whores ain't got no friends."

Moments later, while everyone tries to catch Jeryline's pet cat so Brayker can see if the animal is possessed, Roach bars Wally from following the others and asks to speak with him. He then proposes they band together and retrieve the key from Brayker. Wally protests, but Roach says about Brayker, "Fuck him." Cordelia stumbles upon the conversation and Roach tries to cover things up by calling Wally his "good friend." Cordelia insults Roach, telling him "Assholes ain't got no friends." Roach excuses himself from Wally and asks to talk with Cordelia upstairs. Upstairs, Roach argues with Cordelia and hits her before leaving her. Minutes later, Cordelia is seduced by the Collector and turned into a demon.

Roach is next seen standing around while Wally is heard screaming upstairs. After a transformed Cordelia has killed Wally and rips off Irene's arm before being killed by Brayker, Roach argues with Brayker over the next course of action, and he suggests giving the demons the key. Brayker refuses, telling Roach the only way for him (Roach) to get the key is to take it from him. Roach makes a move to get the key, but Brayker points his gun at him, saying "And then I'll have to kill you. Right? RIGHT?!" Roach simply replies, "Yeah, if you say so."