User:Jingle Bella

I feel misunderstood but I guess I can't really expect people to look past appearances. I used to come off in a certain light that made me look suspicious or disrespectful, but I'm really just bad at social interaction and failed to address things properly, my joking around probably didn't help. There were other times... Don't expect me to react with total niceness to hostility, disrespect or perceived unfairness, but I've learned to control myself and be objective to solve it to an extent. Forgiveness is nice. There's a point where forgiveness has its limits and accountability comes into play. If I do something out of line or unfair, I'd want people to tell me about my actions because I'm not perfect but I want and try to do the right thing. Like anyone, I make mistakes but I learn from them. I regret. I don't always understand others but strive to understand. People can always change for good, I can always change for good. The only thing I can do now is live and be what I want to be rather than what people label me. People aren't always what they look like and there's probably reasons why people do something. Being liked by everyone is nice and probably appreciated, but it isn't everything. It'd be nice to live in a world where I'm not hated, but if I must live in a world where I am, I'd like to spend it living with people who care about me and me them. I don't use people and discard them. If people care about me, I care about them. In general, I try to be caring when it counts. I'm socially inept and shy. I'm not really as mean as I might look. At times I felt responsible for other peoples' actions and felt like it's my fault for the way they turned out, if only I'd done or said something different, I kept thinking. I'm accountable and responsible for my actions too. Being pretty or handsome is a nice thing, eh? I don't think it's what should matter over what's on the inside. If I'm going to die, I'd want to die a good person and do the right thing.

I see no point in being selfish over power or money. I'd probably give up my power to someone else more capable, fair, stable, who has decent morals and is willing to enact change for good in a way that works. Only use for money and power is survival, good and helping others; that's only my personal philosophy.

There's songs that inspire me. The kind of songs that remind me about what I believed in. Reminds me of the idiom practice what you preach.

I would never cheat on someone and I'm also not a gold-digger or greedy. If somebody no longer desired me, I hope they just break up with me rather than cheat on me or use me but I wouldn't be vindictive regardless, I'd probably just move on. I hope they're honest and I'll not be getting a sexually transmitted disease... The solution is to not have sex and to be honest I could go without sex for the rest of my life. I find emotional bonds more fulfilling. I'm kinda weird since I don't personally get upset about girlfriend/boyfriend issues that happen to me, not enough to harm someone. I might accuse you of being an asshole for taking advantage of someone else depending on how you treat a girl or guy. In general, I don't like assholes. If said asshole was my friend I'd tell them what I think and disagree with actions, but they might have a reason why they act like they do. I can't say I'll disregard serious morals for someone because I believe in accountability for serious actions. I'm wary of trolls. Repeatedly cheating on someone, knowingly just using them, knowingly harming them by hiding an STD or harming someone isn't cool. Knowingly having an STD and having sex with someone, who doesn't know you have it, rape and domestic violence is sue-able in a court of law. In case I haven't made it clear, I think STD hiding and then having sex, rape, and domestic violence is absolutely wrong. There's the role-play element and consent to consider in BDSM, but there should be safe boundaries between consenting parties. People have open relationships too.

I was never the type of person to think people should die for me or think they're servants for me. I'm respectful towards women. I don't hate guys. I have redeeming qualities regardless of what anyone else says or assumes and I always tried not to be evil; I don't think I really am evil. I don't really care about power for myself, but it's something that can be used for good. I could choose to give up power and money in an instant right now, if it weren't so unpractical and a waste of resources to be able to help other people. I'm not much of a leader and being a leader is a responsibility. I wouldn't mind giving my power to someone who is responsible, has decent morals, is stable, fair, good and wants to help people who need it. I do care if people die. I've got morals. I don't have a need to be adored, but while it's appreciated and acknowledged, I'd rather choose to be a good person, do the right thing and true friends who've been there through thick and thin. I can always try in a fair way even if I'm boo-ed off stage for something, but I don't really like being on stage and am alright off of it; makes me feel free-er. I might not be on stage, but I can still do something to help. I might've not just been understood well in the past because of labels that don't really represent me, my social ineptitude and bad situations.

"Now this'll be a beautiful death, jumping out the window, letting everything go, letting everything go. (You got the power to let power go)(21st Century Schizoid)" - Kanye West

I'm not even pretty. I only see having money as a means to survive and help other people, but I would want to work hard for what I have and be grateful for what I have regardless and I will fairly work to achieve these things. I do a lot of self-reflection but I don't care only for myself and I do consider what other people feel and think and need. Oddly enough, it's not threats towards my person that I fear, it's the kind of person I am that I fear and the kind of person I am is something that I would like to control. It's probably silly to say I felt like I lost my identity a while ago and I've been feeling lost, trying to find my way back and just try to accomplish these goals I've set. I'm not the type of coward that does things only for themselves and not the type of person that does things because of self-preservation above everything else.

In gratitude, there's people out there I'd like to thank for being nice to me and understanding me and helping me.

I have depression and I've had it for a long time, but I'm not looking for attention or pity. It's something I'm trying to get past this year. I see myself in other people or characters sometimes, but I know I am not other people or characters, my actions, thoughts, name, feelings are my own. Writing is like therapy for me. There's nothing wrong with crying, but I never cry over losing a game or losing to other people.

I never lie to get others in trouble, I'd feel pretty bad about that... It would go against my morals. I'm mostly harmless, I like to avoid unnecessary violence in favor of defense, I like to avoid destruction in favor of reform. People can be stopped with words, but just in case that they can't, probably should act to prevent something bad from happening.

I feel at ease fading in the background, but I know if I really want to change anything out there, I have to be vocal and do something. There's nothing wrong with wanting a happy ending as long as it doesn't come about from harming people. Happy endings might pass by in waiting. The only happy ending for myself I could ask for is just being able to talk to certain people again and being able to just get on with life, surviving, being a good person, doing the right thing and helping other people.