Kurt Bozwell

"You mess with Kurt, and you go into the grinder."

- Kurt Bozwell's famous catchphrase.

Kurt Bozwell is the main antagonist of the 1997 Nickelodeon comedy movie Good Burger. He is the manager and owner of Mondo Burger and the arch-enemy of both Ed and Dexter. His goal is to put Good Burger out of business and make Mondo Burger the #1 fast food chain in the world.

He is portrayed by retired actor, Jan Schweiterman.

Personality
Kurt Bozwell is best described as rude, egotistical, arrogant, and selfish. He throws a whole lot of insults, boasts and slam-downs to just about everyone. Kurt is also extremely abusive to his Mondo employees and will stop at nothing to put Good Burger out of business. Kurt uses the illegal chemical Triampathol to make his burgers big and enormous. He states that he doesn't know what side effects his burger-growth chemicals have on customers, nor does he care, revealing to not care about his Mondo customers--only for the money and popularity they give to his restaurant. He crosses the line when he drops shark poison into Ed's sauce, not caring at all that it would severely harm or even kill several innocent people.

All in all, Kurt's greed and obsession of his restaurant being  #1 even if he had to do illegal things to make it happen, leads to his restaurant's downfall as well as his own.

Biography
In an attempt for pay for the damages belonging to his teacher, Dexter Reed (one of the main protagonists of the film) tries to work for Kurt at Mondo Burger, but Kurt fired Dexter for horsing around, so Dexter decided to go working for Good Burger. However, Kurt is upset that Good Burger is becoming more popular due to a new sauce created by Dexter's friend Ed (the other protagonist). Figuring that Good Burger won't stand a chance if Mondo Burger has bigger burgers and Ed's sauce, Kurt attempts to steal the recipe (such as offering Ed a job at Mondo Burger—which he declines; trying to get sexy woman Roxanne to seduce Ed to reveal the sauce recipe), only to fail several times.

Dexter and Ed later learn that something is wrong with Mondo Burger after they attempt to feed a dog with it, since the dog does not actually like it. Suspicious about this, the two disguises themselves as ladies and went to Mondo Burger, where they found out that Kurt has been making bigger burgers by using an illegal chemical called Triampathol. They attempt to inform the authorities, but Kurt (having spotted them through their disguises) had his henchmen Troy and Griffin to admit the two into an asylum to prevent them from spilling the beans about the illegal chemical. Kurt decides that if he can't have Ed's sauce, no one can. He and his cohorts spike Ed's sauce with shark venom, when Otis, the elderly employee at Good Burger, catches them in the act. Kurt explains that his shark poison will put Good Burger out of business once several customers get food poisoning by the next day so that Mondo Burger will be the sole burger joint in town. He then has Otis admitted to the asylum as well.

However, Dexter, Ed and Otis manage to escape the asylum and warn the staff of Good Burger about Kurt's intentions. Dexter and Ed then head over to Mondo Burger to get a hold of one of Kurt's Triampathol canisters, planning to turn it over to the authorities. Though Kurt and his men manage to capture them in the act, it is later revealed that Ed had took the opportunity to pour all of the Triampathol into Mondo Burger's meat supply, causing the burgers to grow enormous and explode. This causes the restaurant to shake violently, and all of the customers and staff flee from the scene.

The scene then attracts a number of policemen and firemen, where they find the Triampathol induced in the remaining Mondo burgers, thus exposing Kurt of his true colors. Kurt is arrested while Troy and Griffin are questioned by other policemen. After Ed and Dexter confessed of Kurt's use of the illegal food additives to make the burgers big and beefy, Kurt yells that they are lying, but the officers revealed that they have found the remaining Triampathol canisters, so they take Kurt to jail. As the cops lead Kurt away and place him in the back of a police car, Dexter and Ed yell "Hey, hey, remember: when you mess with Good Burger... YOU go in the grinder!" Thus with Mondo Burger destroyed, Ed and Dexter are praised as heroes for saving Good Burger.

Quotes
"Within two years, Mondo Burger's going to be the biggest burger chain on this planet!"

- Kurt Bozwell

"From now on, your life is Mondo Burger. You can forget about your friends, you can forget about your family, because Kurt is now both your mother and your father."

- Kurt Bozwell to his employees.

"(Dexter: Kurt must look awfully strange naked.) WHO said that!? Who talked while Kurt was talking? (Griffin: It was him! He uttered something). What I should've known. (Dexter: I'm sorry I uttered.). You think you're funny, don't you bro? You know what, Mondo Burger, there are no comedians."

- Kurt after Dexter made a joke about him

"Man, this place is the most nauseating, pathetic hole I've ever seen. I mean, what kinda diseased maggot would even consider eating here?"

- Kurt while arriving at Good Burger with his right hand-men

"(Mockingly) Well, ED. (Normal) You better watch your butt, man!"

- Kurt insulting Ed.

"I just think you Good Burger losers should be aware, that tonight is the grand opening of Mondo Burger. The second we open are doors, Good Burger goes into the grinder!"

- Kurt Bozwell

"Kitchen. (Intercom: Yes, sir). Make our burgers bigger. (Intercom: Bigger? But they're alread--?) Bigger! BIGGER!"

- Kurt's angry breakdown on an intercom.

"Alright punk, the game is over."

- Kurt to Dexter Reed

"Man, you're out of your minds. You crazy, man! You know who I am!? Huh!?"

- Kurt's last words before going jo jail.

Trivia

 * In his review of the movie, the Nostalgia Critic made several jokes about how unrealistically seriously Kurt was taking his job by, during his generic evil rants, cutting back and forth to a clip of Adolf Hitler talking to his followers and adding subtitles to make it seem like he was ranting about creating a "fast food master race."