Thread:Jester of chaos/@comment-29414935-20190706142344/@comment-29414935-20190807165150

So you do understand me? Because yeah, in some things I've go to far. But in my view, these people just don't deserve to be happy and exist at all, no one would really be sad if they die. If somewhere on this planet would die a bad or evil person, I would be happy, because in my eyes, they deserve it. In fiction, it's something different than in real life. There, villains and bad persons are often not portrayed as that annoying or unlikeable, even the Pure Evil ones. But I guess, the creators do that, so you don't be annoyed by them. But these people really destroyed my life, even if it doesn't seem like that. It just don't go out of my head and other bad things came on top of this. I'm like I said, a really nice and friendly person and you can't really do something to make me hate you. That takes alot to make me feel this way. And even more rare is it to wish you death, and I've never before wish somebody death. The first time was with this people, and I think I was on the right with it. Because not only they did destroy my favourite character completely, no, they also extremely insulted and provoked me. And like I said I'm not racist and I myself are german, but god I hate so many germans. They are always this way. Americans and britians are always so much nicer imo. That's why I want to go to america, not only because I want to make movies there, but also because of the people. And because of people like that, I want to be alone again and want the old times back. They are the reasons why I'm more hating on humanity than before. And like I said, at the moment in my life, everything is s*it. I have lost friends and they lied to me, I don't know what to do, that's why I'm always sitting here in my boring room and do nothing, also because nobody has time for me, I have not that many real friends and my family also don't do much with me. I'm sometimes sad because I'm not as good as drawing as I want, I'm annoyed by many and I just feel unloved, unnecessary and unlikeable. And the worst thing, I have fear for my future, I feel like I do nothing, have nothing really done in my life and if I ever going to become a movie creator, what is my dream job. I was such a positive, friendly and happy person but all that turned me into a pessimist who becomes more sad every time I get older and met new bad people. I'm really thinking I'm depressed now, I never thought that. And the worst thing from all of that, what I also thought I never would do, I thought to commit suicide, because I just can't anymore and feel unwanted. I think I really should go to a psychiatrist. But I don't want to meditiere myself because there are people who have it much worse than I do.