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|“||Fourscore and 65 years in the past/I won the Civil War with my beard/now I'm here to whup your ass!||„|
|~ Abe Lincoln as he battles Chuck Norris|
Abraham "Abe" Lincoln is the main protagonist the third episode of Epic Rap Battles of History. Abe is inspired by the real-life American President and a lawyer named the same.
He is portrayed by Nice Peter.
Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris
Abe Lincoln said that he is here to whip Chuck's ass and that he will lose his battle against him. Chuck then replied that he invented rap music when his heart started beating and that he doesn't battle, that he only allows you to lose. Lincoln then replied that he has his head on a mountain, as he had a bucket of full of coins, and he made it rain on Chuck's head. In second verse, Chuck Norris appears in his robe with black belt. He said that he attacks sharks and smells them bleed, that he doesn't swim, that water wants to be around him. In the end, Norris said to Lincoln, that he freed all the slaves, but Chuck is everyone's master.
Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney
Barack Obama and Mitt Romney told each other that they are stupid. Lincoln appeared with a giant bald bird, holding him by his shoulders. The bird leaves Lincoln where Obama and Romney are and the president starts criticizing both of the candidates. Lincoln first said that he wants to like Obama, but that he shouldn't talk about changing, that he should just do it. He then targeted Romney, for whom he said that America is a country, not a company and that he can't play it like in Monopoly. In the end, Lincoln face slapped the two, as the huge bird went behind him, flying him away.
Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton
Trump started to say that America is run 8 years by, as Lincoln appeared with his bird again, questioning if they're serious. Lincoln first said that he is sick and tired from the election, and if this is the best party gets, then his party should quit. Hillary started laughing, which is noticed by Lincoln who rotated and went towards Hillary, mockingly asking her if he said something funny, and said that she should whip her creepy smile off her face, and that she should beat Trump. Lincoln then goes on if she wins, that Trump should hold her the white house door, and that he shouldn't get his fans into conflict on social media. In the end, he smacked Trump twice, as the bird came back, flying away with Lincoln.