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This Article Contains Spoilers - WARNING: This article contains major spoilers. If you do not wish to know vital information on plot / character elements in a story, you may not wish to read beyond this warning: We hold no responsibility for any negative effects these facts may have on your enjoyment of said media should you continue. That is all.

Villain Overview

Agent Clappers is a major antagonist from the second season and latter half of the third season of Paradise P.D.. He is a corrupt FBI agent who is in cahoots with the Legion of Dooooom and later, the leader of the mutant army of Paradise Nuking Survivors.

He was voiced by Lance Reddick, who also voiced General Lunaris in the 2017 DuckTales reboot.

Biography

Agent Clappers first appeared in the episode "Big Ball Energy", where he told Paradise Police Department that he was taking over the houndstooth meth case. Randall was opposed to this, thinking that Agent Clappers had some "real balls" doing something as presumptuous as taking an important drug case away from the authorities. Ironically, it was revealed that Agent Clappers had massive testicles, as seen by the bulge in his pants, which Karen Crawford found herself getting sexually aroused by. Agent Clappers went on to steal the houndstooth meth evidence as well as the heart of Karen.

Following the demeaning of Randall, Agent Clappers kicked the latter, while he was down when he continued unsubtly to seduce his wife into loving him for his balls and mocking Randall for it right up to his face.

Randall fills his scrotum with a bunch of testicles and went to have sex with Karen. He thought it was a good idea to crush her face with his newfound "gift", which instantly got her sent to the hospital. In the hospital, Agent Clappers went to her bed with flowers to check on her. At this point, Randall was fed up with Agent Clappers hitting on his wife and challenged him to a "ball off". In this "ball off", Randall and Agent Clappers both took turns, kicking each other in the groin to see who has more endurance. Randall kicked Agent Clappers in the scrotum and the latter had a pained look on his face but he still held it together. Agent Clappers kicked Randall back, which caused his testicles to tear open, making Agent Clappers the "Ball Champ".

Agent Clappers returned in "The Father, The Son, and The Holy Post-It Note", where Randall got fed up with the fact that Agent Clappers was doing nothing with the houndstooth meth kingpin case that he previously stole from him and went on a public barrage to insult him, upon his stage, during his public sendoff to his long-time employee, Agent Dunfore.

Agent Clappers took Kevin into his car with him and tried to convince him that his father was a criminal who was up to no good, and that he needed to keep an eye out for him. Kevin initially denied his father being a criminal and refused to go along with whatever Agent Clappers was telling him to do.

Fed up with Clappers' slowness to solve the houndstooth meth case, Randall broke into the FBI agency and stole the houndstooth meth evidence back from Agent Clappers. Agent Clappers immediately suspected Randall but he didn't have any proof that it was him. That's what he made Kevin wear a wire so that he could get Randall to admit to his crime so that he could arrest him.

Later on, Randall admitted to breaking into the FBI to Kevin, just as planned and got promptly arrested by Agent Clappers and the rest of the FBI.

At the end of the episode, Agent Dunfore used the evidence that Randall stole and uncovered the Legion of Dooooom and found Gerald Fitzgerald as the kingpin and arrested him. Just then, he was shot dead by Agent Clappers, who was revealed to be a villain, who was actually working for Fitz the whole time, explaining why he took the houndstooth meth evidence and did nothing to put an end to it.

Agent Clappers made but a brief cameo in "Flip the Vote", where he appeared among the rest of the members of The Legion of Dooooom, firing guns at Paradise P.D. and running them out of town.

In "Operation DD", Agent Clappers told Fitz that recently, his plans have gotten way out of hand, once they started involving nuclear weapons and said that he was going to quit the business. Unfortunately for him, Fitz threatened that if he left, he would vandalize his family portrait, getting Clappers to grovel at his feet.

After Fitz kidnapped Paradise P.D., Agent Clappers set them free and helped them escape. Randall tackled Fitz to stop him from vandalizing the Clappers family picture and Agent Clappers got the picture back. Unfortunately for him, Fitz had ruined the picture with his fingerprints, leading the latter to commit suicide by jumping out the window. As Agent Clappers plummeted to his demise, he saw a billboard advertising a cheap photo restoration company, that would have helped clean his family portrait of the fingerprints. Sadly for Clappers, it was too late for him to make this choice, as he was already falling to the ground. Agent Clappers quoted his last words, "Ain't that a bitch?" just before crashlanding into the ground and dying in a pool of what could have either been pizza sauce or his own blood, making him ambiguously deceased at the end of that season.

It was revealed that Agent Clappers never died in the previous season after all, when he made a dramatic return midway through Season 3 in "How the Cookie Crumbles". After landing in the pool of pizza sauce, Paradise was nuked and Clappers was mutated in the explosion. His mutation was that his oversized testicles had shrunken by five percent and in this horrific state, Clappers fears ever showing his face to his family again so he faked his own death and went into hiding for over three months. When it came to light that Fitz had been pardoned for nuking Paradise and mutating several people, the mutated survivors wwere angry and made it their goal to find Fitz and kill him. While Clovis led a meeting in the Mutant Ghetto, Agent Clappers dramatically returned in a mysterious disguise and proclaimed himself the new leader of the group of mutants and vowed to lead them on their mission to take down Fitz once and for all. He wanted to maintain an allure of mystery but this was all ruined when the mutants flipped the light switch and exposed who he was, which kind of pissed him off.

Following his seizing control over the mutant army, Agent Clappers took the company in a different direction, starting with "Blind Drunk". Although Clovis was dead set on killing Fitz, Agent Clappers thought it would be a much better idea to let him survive so he could suffer every minute of him tearing his life apart piece by piece. Although Clovis wasn't completely on board with this idea, thinking it easier to just kill him, he still followed the whims of his new leader anyway, as he knew they at least shared the same desire to get revenge on Fitz.

Agent Clappers and the mutants broke into Fitz's apartment, while he was sleeping and took out a bunch of weapons and tools which they used to remodel everything in his apartment, making it ten times bigger. They also replaced all of his stuff with bigger versions of it. Agent Clappers planned to drive Fitz crazy by having him wake up in a crazy messed up apartment but after one full day of living in his giant apartment, Fitz didn't seem to notice a thing.

Clappers' second attempt at driving Fitz to madness was to make everything in his apartment 10 times smaller the next day but just like before, Gerald Fitzgerald couldn't even tell the difference.

At the end of the episode, Fitz left his apartment to go to a party at a bar but when he went there, he noticed that everything there was medium sized and this drove him to absolute madness. Agent Clappers, who was spying on him with s by van at this time, was finally satisfied to see that he had scraped the surface in driving Fitz down the road to madness.

In "The World According to LARP", Agent Clappers went into step two of ruining Fitz's life. He went up to his wife, The Dolphin Queen, in disguise as a seductive man named Loquacious Pussyjuice. As Loquacious, Clappers wowed her with tons of tantalizing tidbits about how amazing of a guy he was. He was conceived mid-skydive, he eats off a Chinese gong, all his toes are big toes, his college thesis was written with only the spacebar and he still got a C-, and he has sex with all of his food before he eats it. Despite this backstory, The Dolphin Queen didn't respond to his advances and left him.

Pondering over how The Dolphin Queen could have possibly rejected his advances, Agent Clappers, still in disguise as Loquacious, needed to think of a new plan to destroy the Fitzgerald family. Clovis came forth with information in the family. He notified him that Fitz's son, Junior Fitzgerald, was not actually his son, but the son of Bullet, born when he got drunk and had sex with Fitz's wife and with that, Agent Clappers saw a golden opportunity to ruin Fitz's family yet.

Agent Clappers ditched the disguise entirely and met up with The Dolphin Queen at Goopy Goobers, telling her that he knew about her affair with Bullet and their illegitimate son. Clappers threatened to tell Fitz about her adultery unless she put her iconic signature on a forged "Dear John" letter and left town, never to see Fitz again. The Mother Dolphin was heartbroken but signed the letter anyway and Clappers had it sent to Fitz. In the letter, Clappers, pretending to be The Dolphin Queen, claimed to have dumped his sorry ass in favor of Loquacious Pussyjuice. Fitz was so hurt and depressed over this and his life quickly sunk even deeper into a vat of pain and misery.

Agent Clappers enacted the third and final phase of his master plan to drive Fitz to madness in "Fetal Attraction". Clovis was getting real sick of all of Agent Clappers' overcomplicated plans at this point and just wanted him to go ahead and kill him already but Clappers told him to hold his horses because this plan wasn't going to be over the top or ridiculous at all. Phase 3 was demonstrated and it was exactly that. Clappers planned to hire Pee Wee Herman to come down to the Super Seedy Motel and sing the alphabet on national television. At this time, Gerald Fitzgerald was to be lure into the motel, after hearing a false crime report going on in there. When he got in there, some robot arms were to grab him and dunk one of his hands in a glass of warm water, causing him to be straight into Pee Wee Herman's mouth, while he said "O" on national television. Agent Clappers believed that if people saw Fitz pissing in the mouth of their beloved childhood icon, he would become the most hated man in America.

Before getting Fitz to respond to the false crime call, he needed to ensure he would be in the right location at the right time, so he infiltrated Paradise P.D. in disguise as a new officer named Officer Clippers from Bullshitsberg, North Dakota. Randall saw right through this disguise, since there was no such town as Bullshitsberg, North Dakota and told Clippers to get lost, which he did.

Agent Clappers immediately returned with a slightly altered disguise, now going under the alias of Officer Cloppers from Bullshitsberg, North Dakota. Randall bought this disguise and welcomed him aboard. He paired him up with Fitz because they were both black and sent them off to patrol the city together.

Like all pairs of middle aged black men working together, Agent Clappers and Gerald Fitzgerald spent their time, discussing 80's basketball. The two of them reminisced about just how great basketball was in the past and how it's just not as good today as it used to be. Their favorite part of 80's basketball was how the players' shorts were all so short, that you could see the bottoms of their testicles hanging out. Agent Clappers told a story about how back on February 5th, 1985, he had outside seats and saw The New York Knicks play The Seattle Supersonics and how Patwick Ewing's shiny testes were visible the whole time. They found out they had more in common than they previous though when it turned out that they both had the same favorite song, Michael Bublé, Celine Dion, and the Mortal Kombat theme song all playing at the same time. They put that music on the car radio and the two rocked out to extremely loud, ear-grating, incomprehensible claptrap. Little did Clappers know, he was starting to grow attached to the very man he was trying to destroy.

After playing a game of basketball with Fitz, Agent Clappers stopped by The Super Seedy Motel to see his mutants setting up the trap for Fitz but while Arm Head was explaining how the trap would work, Agent Clappers got distracted on his phone, looking at some funny Mike Tyson memes that Fitz sent him and started laughing at how funny they were. Arm Head told Fitz that his job was to trick Fitz. Not to become his best friend. Clappers got mad and slapped Arm Head to the floor, telling him that he needed to make sure he stayed on Fitz's good side and demanded him not to question his method.

The next time Clappers and Fitz were in the squad car, Clappers had given Fitz a really large sports drink, knowing that it would make him have to piss like a racehorse later. At this time, they drove right up to The Super Seedy Motel and parked in the parking lot to take a break. Inside that motel, the mutants had Pee Wee Herman being recorded on live television and they were waiting all for Fitz to come in. The distress call would be coming in any minute. All Clappers needed to do was wait. While waiting, Fitz asked Clappers if he had any family at home and Clappers said that he hadn't seen his family in months, ever since his balls were shrunken from nuclear radiation. Fitz told him that there was no reason for him to fear seeing his family again. If they really loved him, they wouldn't care about his deviation. This really struck a chord with Clappers and made him decide he really likes Fitz. Clappers thanked Fitz for the advice and took it to heart. Just then, the distress call came in and Fitz went on town to the apartment room, leading him closer to the trap. Clappers suddenly started having second thoughts about betraying Fitz and ran after him to stop him, officially liking Fitz now. When Fitz busted into the apartment room, the robot arms were about to grab him but Clappers shoved him out of the way and threw himself into the trap instead. The trap went entirely as planned. Clappers was shackled down by robot arms and his arm was put in a glass of warm water, making him piss directly into Pee Wee Herman's "O" mouth on live television. Needless to say, the mutants were not happy with Clappers for foiling his own plans like this and he had a lot of explaining to do, that he didn't even bother getting into. With that, Fitz escaped high and dry and the name "Cloppers" had now become a universally despised name.

After betraying his team with no explanation whatsoever, Agent Clappers went back home to see his family. Mrs. Clappers and the kids were so delighted to see Agent Clappers again and the family was happily reunited with him. However, when Agent Clappers revealed that his balls had shrunk 5%, the family was horrified and torn apart. The kids started crying and vomiting and the wife screaming terror. Their pet dog, Fluffy grabbed a gun and committed suicide right there on the spot. Agent Clappers was shocked that his family turned on him like this but Mrs. Clappers still shunned him anyway, telling him to get out and never return again. Agent Clappers left his house now going back to hating Fitz again for making him embarrass himself on front of his family like that. Agent Clappers, dropped to his knees, cursing to the sky, and damning the name of Gerald Fitzgerald.

In "PARAD-ISIS", Agent Clappers had returned to being the leader of the mutants, despite betraying them in the previous episode. Clappers had the mutants break into Fitz's apartment and kidnap Junior, leaving behind a ransom note. Fitz and Bullet both when in to save Junior and when they got there, Fitz was immediately trapped in a giant glass case. All of the mutants emerged from the shadows and Clappers emerged from the army of mutants to properly introduce himself to Fitz. Fitz's only interactions with Clappers in the past were either while he was under the influence of his kingpin persona, or when he was talking to him in one of his disguises. Agent Clappers revealed to Fitz that he was Loquacious Pussyjuice, Officer Cloppers, and Pepe Cabana. Fitz didn't recognize the latter of the three and Clappers said that he jumped out of the bushes and splashed acid in his face, exclaiming "Hachi mama boom boom!" but Fitz not having experienced such an attack let Clappers know that he attacked the wrong guy by mistake. Clappers put all that aside and told Fitz that as his true self, Agent Clappers, he was going to get revenge on him for mutating him by trapping him in this machine that he called the mutifier, which he would use to mutate him to a hideous creature, so that he could suffer the same way his victims did. Junior broke out of his chains and tried to attack Clappers by biting his leg but Agent Clappers kicked Junior off and sent him scurrying away. Agent Clappers saw just how much Fitz loved Bullet and told him the bitter truth about him. Clappers revealed to Fitz that Junior isn't even his son. He's Bullet's son from a time he had a fling with the Dolphin Queen. Fitz was so mad at Bullet that he made his final request before mutilation to have Clappers throw Bullet into the mutifier with him, which Clappers did. Bullet was so scared of his impending fate that he made his last request to be set free, which Clappers agreed to and opened the cage. Fitz realized that he could have asked for that as his final wish and then slammed the cage shut again, trapping Bullet back inside. Clappers just told Bullet, "Sorry, I tried".

Agent Clappers eventually pressed the button to turn on the mutifier and mutate Fitz and Bullet but for some reason, all of the mutation rays happened on the outside of the machine and it was actually him and the mutants that got effected, while Fitz and Bullet stayed safe and sound inside the glass case. The nuclear radiation mutating the already mutated mutants, caused them to become un-mutated. Clovis, Mr. Pussbubble, Arm Head, and all of the other mutants reverted back to their normal selves. This included Agent Clappers, whose testicles grew five percent, back to their normal size. Fitz explained that he reassembled the mutifier to make it mutate the people on the outside of the machine, just like how Superman did in Superman 2, offscreen and without much explanation. Agent Clappers and all the mutants were so grateful that they had been reverted back to normal that they decided to bury the hatchet with Fitz and set him and Bullet free. Fitz also explained to Bullet that he knew all along that Junior was his child and the only reason he had Clappers throw him into the mutifier is so that he could be safe.

Now that he was back to normal, Agent Clappers went back home to see his broken family. Agent Clappers brightened up their sorrowful lives by showing off his newly reformed testicles and slapping them to make them excrete a bunch of golden Christmas magic. His testicles emitted a glorious glow, which radiated across the wreckage of the room and turned everything back to normal again. The Clappers family was so happy to see that Clappers had returned to normal that they all rejoiced and hugged him. Agent Clappers had finally rebuilt his life just him time for the holidays and he wished everybody a very merry Christmas.

Appearance

Agent Clappers is a tall and slender African-American man with a perfectly clean-shaven bald head and a sculpted face of chiseled features. He has a long nasal bridge, deep cheekbones, and pronounced lips. Agent Clappers wears a black suit, black pants, dark black shoes, a white undershirt, and a burgundy tie. Clappers' most distinguishing feature, however, would have to be his massive testicles, which are so huge, that they create a massive bulge in his pants, that form the shape of his large scrotum stretching out the fabric of his tight pants.

Personality

Agent Clappers is a very serious, no-nonsense FBI agent, who's all business and has no time for BS. Agent Clappers has very little respect for the Paradise Police Department, deeming them unworthy of dealing with the houndstooth meth kingpin case. Clappers is rather condescending toward Randall Crawford, looking upon him with little to no favor. Agent Clappers is a blank slate, completely immune to emotion, claiming to have never cried in his entire life. Despite Clappers' professional demeanor, it's obvious there's some shady stuff going on behind the curtain, given how he's done nothing to handle to houndstooth meth kingpin case, after confiscating the evidence from the police, specifically for the purpose of handling it on his own.

It would turn out later, that Agent Clappers is secretly an evil villain, working for Gerald Fitzgerald at The Legion of Dooooom. Clappers is so cruel, that he had no problem with shooting dead his long-time FBI assistant, Agent Dunfore all for the sake of saving Fitz. Despite how evil he is, Agent Clappers still has standards, thinking that using nuclear bombs on the city of Paradise is taking things too far.

Beneath his coarse and stony demeanor, Agent Clappers does actually have some emotion, as he demonstrated being a family man, who cares deeply about his family photo of him and his loved ones not getting sullied or vandalized. If anything bad were to happen to his family photo, it would destroy him inside and immediately drive him to a failed suicide attempt, as he would have nothing left to live for. When his testicles were horrifically mutated, Clappers decided it was best not to let his family see him in his new state and fake his own death, playing along with the ruse of his suicide attempt.

Quotes

No you won't. The kingpin case is mine. Agent Clappers, FBI. You had your chance to solve this case and you botched it.
~ Agent Clappers' first quote.
I'm not a sentimental man. I never cried in my life. Not even when I was born. I came out of my mother's front tunnel and said "I've got work to do, where's my gun?"
~ Agent Clappers, making a public speech.
Drop the nerd porn and get in the car!
~ Agent Clappers, to Kevin.
Bing bang boom! Dick titties! I am Agent Clappers!
~ Agent Clappers sounding just like Randall, mocking him.
Sorry, Agent Clappers, I didn't realize you were in here- Wait a minute, Agent Clappers never works this late... Also, I'M AGENT CLAPPERS!
~ Agent Clappers coming across a decoy of himself.
What do you mean you don't know about The Wire!? It was the best show ever! I loved it when that handsome, smoldering Lt. Daniels would be like "McNulty!" or "Hey, McNulty!" or "My office now, McNulty!"
~ Agent Clappers, breaking the fourth wall, in reference to his VA's other character, Cedric Daniels.
At least give it to Season 2, Episode 12. That's when Lt. Daniels takes his shirt off. You'll be like, 'How can a man be so skinny and so ripped at the same time!?' If that don't take your dong dumplings to the disco, I don't know what will.
~ More fourth wall breaking references to The Wire.
You're welcome... boss!
~ Agent Clappers' villainous reveal.
Kingpin, we need to talk. I heard about the nuclear weapons and I'm not taking orders from you, anymore.
~ Agent Clappers rebels against Fitz.
You know how hard it is to get the perfect family photo? You know how many times we'd get dressed up nice just to have a kid drop GoGurt on his shirt? Or my wife smear lipstick on her teeth that I failed to notice? And if you manage to make it to Sears portrait studios in one piece, what are the odds that not a single person's gunna blink or get red-eye or put up some God damned bunny ears!?
~ Agent Clappers stressing the importance of family photo values.
Okay! I'll do what you say! You Goddamned, maniac!
~ Clappers falls a slave to Fitz.
Ain't that a bitch?
~ Clappers' last words ... that season.
I'm your new leader with a mysterious identity. I bet you knew who I am but you won't be finding out anytime soon. I plan to keep hidden from everyone ... Goddammit! Who flipped the switch!?
~ Clappers' dramatic return.
The radiation shrank my testicles by 5%! Look at these goddamned baby balls! I couldn't bare to have my family see me in this repulsive form. So, I faked my own death. I won't rest until Fitzgerald feels our pain.
~ Agent Clappers complains about his shrunken balls.
Clovis: So, boss. How are we going to kill Gerald Fitzgerald?
Clappers: We're not. That would let him off too easy. I wanna take his life apart piece by piece. Make him so bing bong bananas he blows his boom boom brains out.
~ Agent Clappers explaining his revenge plan to Clovis and the mutants.
Welcome to medium world, motherfucker!
~ Agent Clappers after driving Fitz to madness.
Clappers: Hello, dolphin. I am Loquacious Pussyjuice. I know what you're thinking. "Who is this delicious chunk of chocolate and why is he wearing roller skates?" The answer is simple. I have never not worn roller skates. "Tell me more tantalizing tidbits, Loquacious." Okay, I will. I was conceived mid-skydive, God damn right. I eat all my meals off a Chinese gong. Oh, yeah. I travel with my old backup singers.
Backup Singers: Loquacious Pussyjuice!
Clappers: I once bought five things from IKEA, tore up the instructions, threw it all on the floor and made a God damned robot that looks just like me. I call him Ikea Pussyjuice.
Backup Singers: Ikea Pussyjuice!
Clappers: And my best friend is a falcon.... Well, he must be busy. Now sit back, while I perform Color Me Badd's "I Wanna Sex You Up" on the most seductive instrument of all, the didgeridoo.
~ Agent Clappers hitting on The Dolphin Queen in the form of Loquacious Pussyjuice.
What is this, a mutant-ny? Pause for laughter.
~ Agent Clappers after the mutants gang up on him.
You will contact Pee Wee Herman's agent and hire him to shoot a fake commercial for the alphabet. Meanwhile, I will join the Paradise P.D. and gain Gerald Fitzgerald's trust. I will then lure Fitzgerald on set, where four robot arms will restrain him, while another robot arm unzips his pants and even more robot arms submerge his hands in two goldfish bowls full of lukewarm water. Just then, Pee Wee Herman, who is singing the alphabet song, hits the letter "O" and Gerald Fitzgerald pees in his mouth. This will be broadcast live around the world. After which, the most hated man in the world will be Gerald Piss-Gerald. Pause for laughter again but also don't because it's very dramatic.
~ Agent Clappers explainng Phase 3 of his evil plan.
Clappers: I'm Officer Clippers, your new cop. They transferred me from Bullshitsberg, North Dakota.
Randall: Get out of here, you fraud! There is no Bullshittsberg, North Dakota.
Clappers: I'm Officer Cloppers, your new cop. They transferred by from Bullshitsberg, South Dakota.
Randall: Welcome aboard!
~ Agent Clappers goes in disguise to infiltrate Paradise P.D..
DAMN YOU, GERALD FITZGERALD!
~ Agent Clappers swearing revenge on Fitz for real.
Hachi Mama Boom Boom!
~ Agent Clappers' catchphrase as his alter-ego, Pepé Cabana, the Brazilian Fuckboy.
My real name is Agent Clappers. I'm the man you turned into a mutant and I'm about to get my ultimate revenge by doing the same thing to you. I call the machine you're inside, "The Mutifier" and it will turn you into a mutant, just like us.
~ Agent Clappers explains the final step of his ultimate revenge plot on Fitz.
God bless us, everyone.
~ Agent Clappers after being reunited with his family.

Trivia

  • Agent Clappers is modeled after Cedric Daniels from The Wire in both appearance and personality. He is also voiced by the character's portrayer, Lance Reddick.
    • In "The Father, The Son, and The Holy Post-It Note", Agent Clappers leaned on the fourth wall to reference to his actor's other character, telling Kevin to give "the wire" (referring to the covert listening wire he was wearing) a chance and at least watch up until Season 2, Episode 12, ("Port in a Storm") because that's when the character Cedric Daniels takes his shirt off and proceeded to rave about how attractive of an actor Lance Reddick was.
  • As seen on Clappers' identification card, his director is a woman named Lauren Andrews. "Lauren Andrews" is the name of the real-life director of the episode this card seen in.

Navigation

          Paradise P.D. Villains Logo.png Villains

Paradise P.D.
Randall Crawford | Bullet | Gina Jabowski | Dusty Marlow | Gerald Fitzgerald | Stanley Hopson

Legion of Dooooom
Gerald Fitzgerald | Thester Carbomb IV | Frank Flipperfist | Jerry Flipperfist | Pedro Pooptooth | Edna Dorsaldigits | Puffy the Cigarette | Pat Robertson | Harvey Weinstein | Russian Mobster | Marcos Narcos | Agent Clappers | Brett DeMarco | Jesus Christ | Flipper People | Dolphin Queen | The Kingpin

International Society of Insulted Selebrities
Ron Perlman | Pat Robertson | Tucker Carlson | Steve Harvey | Tom Selleck | Carrot Top | Jenny McCarthy | Bill Clinton | Joe Biden | Mitch McConnell | Russell Crowe

Repeat Offenders
Karen Crawford | Robby | Delbert | Dean Hancock | Frank Flipperfist | Mr. Meowgi | Mrs. Two-Toes | Dr. Johann | Karla 9000 | Satan | Lady Gertrude | Tucker Carlson | Thester Carbomb IV | Dobby | Cop Bot | Agent Clappers | William | Paradise Nuking Survivors | (Clovis | Mr. Pussbubble | Arm Head) | Agatha Culpepper

One-Time Offenders
Terry Two-Toes | Edna Dorsaldigits | Russian Mobster | Pedro Pooptooth | Marcos Narcos | Marvin | Tuco | Leroy | General Bumfuqué | Jabowski Family | (Mr. Jabowski | Mrs. Jabowski | Cooter Jabowski | Bo Jabowski | Baby Jabowski | Granny Jabowski) | Joe Biden | Yucko the Clown | Dark Zuckerberg | Radioactive Panda | Puffy the Cigarette | Jerry Flipperfist | Santa Claus | Glenda | Harvey Weinstein | Brett DeMarco | Gal-Qaeda | Kev-Man | Cory Romando | Walt Disney | Catholic Priest | Poachmaster General | Tom Selleck | The Kingpin | Polyp Man | Ninja Army | Samurai Leader | Earl | Stuffed Animal Midgets | Lumpy Larry | O.J. Simpson | Chip Fuckyeah | Smart Guns | (Mr. Bang Bang | Jean-Claude Van Blamme | Gun of Jehovah) | Weight Watchers | Steve Harvey | Bill Clinton | Clit-3PO | Monsters of the Forbidden Forest | Yog-Sothoth | Ikea Pussyjuice | Ginger Pedophile | Fetus | Coyotes | Buffet Bandit | Carrot Top | International Society of Insulted Selebrities