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We're you're guardians, you stupid girl! Until, you're eighteen, you have to do everything we say! And don't forget the most important rule of the Kensington System. SILENCE IS GOLDEN!
~ Boggs to Eliza

Boggs and Ulcer are the main antagonists of the story The Kensington System, a segment in the book Christmas Dinner of Souls by Ross Montgomery. They are the evil, greedy, abusive guardians of Eliza Kensington who invent "The Kensington System" in order to abuse her into perfection so they can marry her off and get rich.


After Eliza Kensington's parents are killed in a storm at sea, she is sent to live with her distant relatives Boggs and Ulcer, who immediately belittle her and tell her that they don't want her, before deciding to make her their personal slave. The next day, they tell her that she's going to be educated in what they call "The Kensington System", which, according to her, they just made up while drunk. The Kensington System is a system intended to make her perfect so they can marry her off to a rich prince and get all her money. They then reveal that the first rule is that you can only wear perfect clothes, which they use as an excuse to force her to wear painfully tight clothes, before sending her back to her room for the rest of the day.

The following day, they reveal to Eliza that she is no longer allowed to leave the house, and she is not allowed to have any friends. Eliza yells at them, and they respond by telling her that the most important rule is that "Silence is golden", meaning that she isn't allowed to speak. When she immediately breaks this rule, they whip her until she bleeds and shut her in her room.

Eliza declares war on Boggs and Ulcer, and breaks out of the house before destroying her perfect clothes, resulting in another violent whipping from Boggs and Ulcer, who then psychologically abuse her by destroying photos of her parents in front of her and sack the servants when they try to intervene. Eliza decides that she can't let them win and, the next day, breaks every single rule, resulting in Boggs and Ulcer whipping and starving her. The next day, they reveal that they discovered a space in the walls that goes all the way through the house, which they now intend to imprison her in until she learns her lesson. They then do this, forcing her to live in darkness eating insects for five days until they eventually let her out. They repeat this constantly until she appears to be completely broken.

When she's eighteen, Eliza receives a proposal from the prince of Lugentstein. Boggs and Ulcer are delighted, as this means they can marry her off and get her money. However, they then discover that the prince has died, and that Eliza is now the heir to the throne of Lugentstein. Boggs and Ulcer are ecstatic to hear this and begin to celebrate, only for Eliza to reveal that she is not in fact broken and order their arrests. She then has Boggs and Ulcer sealed inside the wall, where they remain to this day, still alive and driven completely insane by their confinement.

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