|
| “ | They do not call me "Diehard" for nothing! | „ |
| ~ Captain Diehard's most famous catchphrase. |
Captain Diehard Auf Der Heid is the main antagonist of the 1993 South African comedy film, Yankee Zulu (a.k.a. There's a Zulu on My Stoep in South Africa). He is the German head of a fascist organization operating in South Africa called Threatened Immigrants Right-Wing Defence (T.I.R.D. for short) and Rowena's fiance. He is presumed to be possibly immortal as he has been known to survive through the most impossible yet deadly situations given the number of attempts on his life by some people in the past, making him state that "they do not call him "Diehard" for nothing."
He was played by Wilson Dunster.
Personality[]
Captain Diehard is proven to be exceedingly selfish, mean, sinister, racial, cruel, mad, temperamental, slightly aggressive, vindictive, optimistic, abusive, stubborn, ruthless, merciless, diabolical, arrogant, wicked, remorseless, psychotic, psychopathic, and sadistic. However, Diehard has been known to show some love, respect, and concern mainly for his fiancee, Rowena whenever she wants something done her way or gets injured in the process, aside from his fellow T.I.R.D. members even it also means undergoing a smoking diet against his wishes as well. As head of an organization focusing on fascism, Diehard has been known to abuse and mistreat mainly black people with quite a sadistic sense of humour including children, going so far as to try murdering both Zulu's biological daughter, Tienkie and her friend, Prince William by trying to shoot and have them thrown straight down to Crocodile Gorge in retaliation for all the pain and agony they had inflicted upon him and Rowena with their booby traps. Diehard gets easily offended when he finds himself either robbed, injured in all kinds of situations, or insulted by his enemies.
Biography[]
At his American fiancee, Rowena's house, Captain Diehard receives a phone call for the upcoming transport of a deported prisoner, Zulu Mashabela from America to a prison in South Africa for the next 3 years the next day while undergoing a smoking diet as he has been for the past 3 days so far as told by Rowena against his wishes.
After another phone call, both Diehard and Rowena are enjoying an afternoon of exercising in their bedroom until they are interrupted by the sudden yet unexpected presence of Rowena's former childhood crush and ex-husband, Rhino Labuschagne having come to confront Rowena about the $250,000 divorce settlement and the possible auction of his game farm. Although Diehard has received a rather severe knock on the head from the weight shot off and down by Rhino earlier, he quickly recuperates and recovers his automatic machine gun to drive Rhino off their property while quoting his famous catchphrase: "They do not call me "Diehard" for nothing!"
The next day, Diehard is transporting Zulu handcuffed to an officer in the back of his car. As he scratches out the numbers on a lottery ticket for a chance to win $500,000 at Sun City, Diehard is suddenly held at gunpoint by Zulu after having knocked out his guard and is forced to surrender his gun and give the latter both the ticket and the key to his cuffs before being forced to stick his head and right arm out the car window and close it on himself straight through his neck. Then, Diehard is taken for a drag until his head gets loose, leaving him humiliated in defeat. Later on, Diehard is having a breakdown as he drives to Sun City with Rowena in Rhino's former car the latter had to give to Rowena after the divorce to retrieve his ticket.
Having arrived at Sun City, Diehard and Rowena observe both Rhino (having had a ticket of his own for $500,000 as well) and Zulu at the lottery show cheering on TV after actually having won the exact amount of money. Knowing that Rhino and Zulu are still in the hotel, Diehard orders security to seal off all exits in the building to make sure their enemies don't leave while retrieving the check from them at the same time. Once they spot Rhino and Zulu, Diehard and Rowena try to go after them, only to be stopped momentarily by Rhino's legally adopted daughter, Tienkie and her new friend, Prince William using candied apples and a slingshot. After a brief chase through the building, Diehard and Rowena try to search almost every room including the costume and dressing room where their enemies are hiding. Later, Diehard enters the same room again to question the flamboyant dresser, Antonio about his fugitives whom he claims he hasn't seen, unaware that the latter had disguised his enemies earlier as men of opposite skin colors, Zulu as a white, neo-Nazi T.I.R.D., Baron von Mauchausen-Klarks, and Rhino as a black manservant named Moses.
At night, at a T.I.R.D. party in his house, Diehard is saluted by his fellow T.I.R.D.s including Rowena whom he helps up after she accidentally bumps against a glass door deliberately closed by "Moses" earlier. After having met the "Baron", Diehard announces his engagement and upcoming marriage to Rowena to his members including their alliance against the government "blinded by communists, terrorists, and schwartzes who threaten to overrun T.I.R.D." before they all join in for dinner. However, during dinner, after some slapstick antics, Diehard and Rowena finally recognize their enemies behind their disguises and try to go after them. Although Diehard suffers much pain and agony due to Zulu having set off his intricate security system, Rowena manages to capture Rhino and Zulu.
After having locked Rhino and Zulu up all night in the basement, Diehard and Rowena take the them to a cliff called "Crocodile Gorge" the next morning and put them on a plank supported by a trained female elephant named Elsie in order to coax them into revealing the other half of the check through radio since the former two already have the first half they retrieved from Zulu last night, giving them half an hour for a reply until Elsie gets up to greet her boyfriend, Doby approaching her even as they speak before they leave. While driving away, Diehard and Rowena are constantly thwarted by booby traps set up by Tienkie and Prince William with a little help from some wild animals: a lion and his pride of lionesses chewing on some meat attached to their vehicle, an ostrich kicking Rowena into a river before being frightened off by a hippo due to a scrambled egg, a crocodile sending Diehard into the air from a pit, and finally, a porcupine sticking its quills onto Diehard's head and face due to landing headfirst inside its burrow.
After a mishap with a sabotaged tractor, getting burned on the rear with a rhino-shaped branding iron, and getting knocked down with a wooden plank, Diehard awakens to find himself supposedly having died and gone to Heaven when he sees an angel (Prince William in disguise) greeting him. After settling down in a tub to cool off his burnt up rear, Diehard tries to enjoy his first cigarette in days until he notices Rowena riding fast in a mine cart and off the rail. Realizing the deception, Diehard tries to get back on his feet before accidentally dropping the matchstick into the gas-polluted water of his tub, presumably killing him in the explosion. However, after Rowena has been dealt with for good, Diehard suddenly reveals to have survived the explosion when he holds both Tienkie and Prince William at gunpoint while laughing sadistically and quoting his famous catchphrase yet again. Then, Diehard coldly forces the children onto the edge of the cliff where he intends to execute them in retaliation for all the pain and agony they had inflicted upon him and Rowena with their booby traps despite Prince William promising to have his father, Prince Charles pay him more money as compensation. Luckily, after Rhino talks some sense into Elsie about setting both him and Zulu free through fibs even after Doby arrives, Zulu uses his mud-throwing skill to knock out Diehard, making him shoot uncontrollably before sending him plunging off the cliff to his apparent death.
In the epilogue, after Tinkie reunites with both Rhino and Zulu, having been revealed by Rhino earlier that he is, in fact, her biological father from Thandi, Zulu's late childhood friend, and Prince William reunites with his own father, Diehard suddenly emerges alive from the river he fell into earlier and climbs out of it while muttering his famous catchphrase for the last time before he finds himself apparently squashed to death by Elsie when she sits on him.
Trivia[]
- Diehard's full name is a pun on the words: "Die hard off the hide."
- Diehard is often credited as a "General" even though he clearly calls himself "Captain" throughout the whole movie.