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I'll get my hands on your fortune if it's the last thing I do. And when I have it, I'll kill you and your siblings with my own two hands.
„
~ Count Olaf vowing to steal the Baudelaire fortune after Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire thwart his plans for the first time.
“
And then I'll be arrested, sent to jail, and you'll live happily ever after with a friendly guardian, spending your time inventing things and reading books, sharpening your little monkey teeth, bravery and nobility will prevail at last, and this wicked world will slowly, but surely become a place of cheerful harmony, and everybody will be singing, dancing, and giggling like The Littlest Elf! A happy ending! Is that what you had in mind?
„
~ Count Olaf taunting the Baudelaire orphans and Aunt Josephine in the film.
A former member of the Volunteer Fire Department, he is a greedy nobleman who will go any lengths to get what he wants, even if it involves murder. As such, he is the archenemy of Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire as one of his primary goals is to steal the Baudelaire's enormous fortune for himself.
He is a very intelligent man, having the ability to stay ahead of the authorities and know just what they’ll do in order to hunt him. Count Olaf can fool even the most intelligent (mostly dumb) person around him and even guardians of the Baudelaire's-some of whom have known Olaf for years - aren’t above his deceit and villainy. Except he can't fool the Baudelaire siblings, because they appear to be a lot smarter than Count Olaf, and the adults who should've never foolishly listened to Olaf.
Count Olaf is a ruthless, evil, cruel and immoral man who showed no concerns about physically beating children as young as infants, as is shown when he imprisons Sunny Baudelaire in a cage, and tries to marry fourteen year old Violet Baudelaire, although this is merely for his own financial gain and not for love - As he plans to kill Violet along with her siblings Klaus and Sunny. He has abused all the Baudelaires in some way, be it emotionally, physically or mentally. Count Olaf was apparently evil from his schooldays, as Lemony Snicket writes that "one day the world will know of O's treachery" and that "the Sun cannot shine through the blackest of skies" and Olaf seems to enjoy flattering people to gain their trust, such as Dr. Montgomery Montgomery, Josephine Anwhistle, Vice Principal Nero, Sir of Lucky Smells Lumbermill and even Mr. Poe, the Baudelaire's banker.
The world has originally been well aware of Olaf's evil acts, as in old newspapers in the books there are cuttings from Italy and Greece about a man resembling Olaf killing a bishop, escaping from prison within five minutes, and then throwing a widow off a cliff. It is likely Olaf's flattering skills stem from his days in the theater, with director Gustave Sebald, a young V.F.D. agent.
Disguises[]
Count Olaf assumes different disguises while targeting the Baudelaire children's fortune where each disguise has his one eyebrow and his ankle tattoo covered up by something. Among his disguises are:
Dr. Stephano - Dr. Montgomery Montgomery's replacement assistant in herpetology who has a long beard, no hair, and no eyebrows. Count Olaf uses powder to cover up his ankle tattoo.
Captain Julio Sham - A sailor with a peg leg that hides his left foot and an eyepatch (and cap) to hide his eyebrow. Captain Sham's claim of the peg leg is that he lost half his left leg to the Lachrymose Leeches.
Shirley T. Sinoit-Pécer - Dr. Georgina Orwell's receptionist who wears stockings that have eyes on them in order to cover up the ankle tattoo. T. Sinoit-Pécer is actually "receptionist" spelled backwards. In the 2017 TV series, the alias is changed to Shirley St. Ives.
Coach Genghis - A renowned gym teacher that wears a turban to cover up his eyebrow and expensive-looking running shows to cover up the ankle tattoo.
Gunther - A pinstripe-wearing auctioneer from another country that wears a monocle to distort his eyebrow and horse-riding boots to cover up his ankle tattoo. He speaks with a fake accent and frequently uses the word "please" in his sentences to make people think his has a poor grasp on English.
Detective Dupin - A "famous" detective that wears ridiculous sunglasses to hide his eyebrow and green plastic shoes with lightning bolts on them to hide his ankle tattoo.
Mattathias - Heimlich Hospital's new Human Resources director whose only presence is his voice over the intercom.
Kit Snicket - Count Olaf used this disguise in an attempt to fool the island's inhabitants to (for once) no avail. This disguise consists of seaweed hair, Esme Squalor's dress which she wore in The Slippery Slope, and a diving helmet with the Medusoid Mycelium to make it look like Olaf is pregnant.
Yessica Haircut - Unique to the Netflix adaptation, Count Olaf only used this disguise in order to trick Mr. Poe in allowing him to be the new guardian to the Baudelaire children. This disguise consists of a fedora and sunglasses to cover up his eyebrow and socks to cover up his ankle tattoo (Although Mr. Poe was unaware of its existence at the time anyway).
Quotes[]
“
In-trude!
„
~ Count Olaf's first words and through closed front door, after bell rings.
“
Well, hello, hello, hello! I am your beloved Count Olaf!
„
~ Count Olaf.
“
I must say, you are a gloomy looking bunch. Why so glum? (Klaus Baudelaire : ...Our parents just died.) Ah yes, of course! How very, very awful! WAIT! Let me do that one more time! Give me the line again! Quickly, while it's fresh in my mind!
„
~ Count Olaf to Klaus Baudelaire.
“
(Violet Baudelaire : Dinner is served. Puttanesca.) What did you call me? (Klaus Baudelaire : It's pasta... Pasta Puttanesca?) Where's the roast beef? (Klaus Baudelaire : Roast beef?) Beef, yes! Roast beef! It's the Swedish term for beef that is roasted!
„
~ Count Olaf to Klaus Baudelaire and Violet Baudelaire.
“
Why, you little-OOH! [Sunny bites him] (Sunny : Back off, Parrot Face!) Ohhhh! (Sunny : I'll bite higher!) [speaks gibberish] (Sunny : [baby talk] Don't mock me!)[speaks gibberish again] (Sunny : Wow, you are nuts.)
„
~ Count Olaf to Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire.
“
Now that we're a family, I can be the ulll-timate DAD!
„
~ Count Olaf.
“
She can if she has the permission of her guardian! And who's that? Oh, yes! ME! [laughing] Look it up, bookworm!
„
~ Count Olaf.
“
(Klaus Baudelaire : You won't get a cent until Violet turns 18!) Oh really? says who? (Klaus Baudelaire : The law! Look it up!)
~ Count Olaf is about to enter the store, leaving the kids in the car and and locks the doors.
“
(Uncle Monty : Now, the children will be helping us extensively with the research in Peru. Do you have any experience with children?) [in disguise as Stephano] Children are strange and foreign to me. I never really was one. I do know that they are an important part of the ecosystem.
„
~ Stephano to Uncle Monty.
“
Damnit! This was such a good character...
„
~ Stephano after realizing that he had been caught in a lie.
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And I realized I have been a bit standoffish, shall we say. Which in this case is a big, big word meaning- (Violet Baudelaire : Pure evil?) Tough, but fair.
„
~ Count Olaf.
“
Let us go back to the time when dinosaurs ruled the earth!
„
~ to the room of Count Olaf troupe of actors raises arms like a T-rex and screeches, walking around like a pidgeon.
“
What are you staring at?
„
~ Watches, bemused, as Count Olaf heads into the hall, still doing his dinosaur impersonation and Count Olaf screeches, then sees Klaus.
“
Why aren't you orphans in the kitchen preparing dinner? (Violet Baudelaire : Dinner?) It's the French word for the evening meal!
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~ Count Olaf to Violet Baudelaire.
“
Hello, hello, hello. I missed you guys. Looks like you could use a little assistance!
„
~ Count Olaf from his boat to the Baudelaires and Aunt Josephine.
“
Goodbye children. It's been fun. I'm gonna get you]! No matter where you go, no matter what you do, I'LL FIND YOU'!, Oh, you are so deceased!
„
~ Count Olaf as he says goodbye to the Baudelaire orphans.
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All that I ask is that you do each and every little thing that pops into my head, while I enjoy the enormous fortune your parents left behind!
„
~ Count Olaf.
“
This... is a little piece I like to call, "The Electric Chair". [Country/Redneck accent] I think ya' might have t' turn it up! [Regular accent] Is anybody [Pretending to be electrified] OUT THERE?!
„
~ Count Olaf Sits in a chair. Everybody stares at him, while nothing happens.
“
(Aunt Josephine : The children are going to serve puttanesca.) The very meal I ate before they took me leg!
„
~ Count Olaf to Aunt Josephine.
“
Hello, I'm going on a perfectly innocent ride in the country with my kids... whom I love. Is that clock correct?
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~ Olaf parks the car on a grade crossing outside the Last Chance General Store and goes in looks at the clock.
“
ORPHANS!
„
~ Count Olaf.
“
I will raise these orphans as if they were actually wanted!
„
~ Count Olaf.
“
I'm very disappointed in you children!
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~ Olaf tosses the children into their room after they fail to prepare a roast beef dinner and threaten to call Mr. Poe.
“
Take them Mr. Poe, before I lose it big time!
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~ Count Olaf's pretending to cry.
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(Klaus Baudelaire : Mr. Poe we're...) [to Klaus] Drowning! I saved him! I saved the boy from the leeches! Back to the depths, you fingery devils! You will not devour this boy's head today!
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~ Count Olaf's yelling to Mr.Poe from Olaf's boat pretending to save Klaus from drowning.
“
He's just a boy barely out of his Osh Kosh B'Gosh!
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~ Count Olaf.
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Hello, I'm looking for Dr. Montgomery Montgomery. My name is Stephano, I am an Italian man.
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~ Count Olaf as Stephano.
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Hot potato!
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~ Count Olaf handing off Sunny.
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You just stay where you're at and we'll come where you're to!
„
~ Count Olaf.
“
Sure, I get the good parking spots, but who could love a man with one leg and a face like a hen's arse?
„
~ Count Olaf disguised as Sailor Sham, a peg-legged sailor.
“
(Uncle Monty : I was wondering if you wouldn't mind milking Petunia for me?) Petunia? Well- uh- yeah. Sure. I'll take a shot at that. You know, they used to call me Old McDonald up at the milking lab. I used to milk these things all day long. But the little udders- they're hard to locate.
„
~ Count Olaf to Uncle Monty and Grabbing for snake with stick, unsure and lifting snake.
“
Oh, I'm the monster? I'm the monster? [grins evilly] You're the monster! These children tried to warn you, but you wouldn't listen. No one ever listens to children! You think you're innocent? You're accomplices! This certificate says that I have the fortune now! And there's nothing you can do about it!
„
~ after Count Olaf's plan to legally marry Violet during "The Marvelous Marriage" is revealed.
“
But I don't care about them. I chose to open my heart to you two lovely children and your hideous primate.
„
~ Count Olaf about the orphans who would love to take the Baudelaires' place.
“
(Mr. Poe : If something happened to the Baudelaires, you wouldn't get the Baudelaire fortune.) Say what? (Mr. Poe : Unless, of course, the exception of blood relatives and married couples.) Really? [thinks for a moment] Mr. Poe... Have I told you about our new play?
„
~ Count Olaf to Mr. Poe.
“
You know, there's a big world out there filled with desperate orphans who would gladly swim across an ocean of thumbtacks just to be eclipsed by the long shadow that is cast by my accomplishments.
„
~ Count Olaf as Stephano.
“
Do you have a hall pass? Didn't think so.
„
~ Violet tries peering down the dark hallway from her door and moves back from the door.
“
Now, who shall play the most handsome count in all the world? (Hook-Handed Henchman: Would you do it, sir?) Oh, all right!
„
~ speaking to his Acting Troupe strikes an awkward pose.
“
The answer "Liza" within you.
„
~ Coaching the Person of Intermediate Gender.
“
What do you think? Too diabolical? Give me some feedback!
„
~ Count Olaf.
“
What?! (Aunt Josephine: You said hadn't. That's bad grammar. You should have said, "You haven't been a trustworthy person.") Thank you, for correcting me.
„
~ Count Olaf to Aunt Josephine.
“
Oh, Violet. Violet, Violet, Violet. Violet. You're 14 years old. You should know by now that you can't have everything you want. You want a life of happiness? A roof over your head? A place to call your own and all that jazz? And what about what I want? I want that enormous fortune and for all investigations against me to cease. You're going to help me get what I want, tonight!
„
~ Count Olaf has revealed he has Sunny hanging in a cage next to the tower.
“
Now, now! Let's keep our heads here! If you do anything to me, you'll just sink to my level! Not to mention setting a terrible example for the children!
„
~ Count Olaf looks Mr. Poe and those attending the play get out of their seats and converge on him and Count Olaf gasps as he is then handcuffed by the Detective and Count Olaf as the crowd closes in on him.
“
(Uncle Monty: My chief assistant, Gustav, took sick and phoned not one hour ago.) He'd do anything to be here now.
„
~ Count Olaf to Uncle Monty, and Gustav chained to the front of a speeding train and screaming.
“
I's the boy who runs the boat down near the pier there! (Aunt Josephine: Oh... what happened to Captain Sam?) Uhhhh... he's me third cousin on me father's side. He's afeared of that big gale comin' in. Said he started to get that sinkin' feelin'. Sure he'll turn up sooner or later.
„
~ Captain Sam being thrown into the water, chained to an anchor.
“
(Violet Baudelaire: He's Count Olaf and he tried to kill us with a train!) (The Detective: Where is this man gonna get a train?) Where am I gonna get a train?!
„
~ Count Olaf remember about the train.
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YES!
„
~ upon throwing the anchor on the broken part of the house falls into the lake.
“
GET OUT!
„
~ Then cuts to Count Olaf in a boat trying to fend off the Lachrymose Leeches, Some Lachrymose Leeches get onto him.
“
Oh, no!
„
~ Count Olaf's last words as to a train coming towards Count Olaf who is trapped in the car on the grading as he screams to his death.
“
Oh, the Captain loved the ladies But he dragged himself a wife Now he's wishin' he was fishin' But he's on the hook for life! Well, I guess he shouldn't 've oughta But he drowned her in the water And then a flounder downed her That's why they never found her.
„
~ Count Olaf sings a sea shanty as Captain Sham towards the end of the credits.
Adaptations[]
Movie appearance[]
In the film adaptation, the Baudelaire orphans are sent to live with Count Olaf, their only living relative, after a mysterious fire destroys their home and kills their parents. Olaf's involvement in the fire was long suspected by the Baudelaires. When they finally confronted him and accused of him of starting the fire, Olaf did not seem surprised by the accusation but asked them "Is that what you think?" Whether this is a denial of involvement in the event or means something else is unknown.
Olaf was an actor and had an entire group of similarly evil associates who he refers to as his "theatre troupe". He wrote his own plays, under the pseudonym "Al Funcoot" (an anagram of "Count Olaf").
During the time the Baudelaires lived with him, the children immediately saw Olaf as a short-tempered and violent man. Olaf provided them with one filthy room and forced them to do difficult chores (such as making them chop wood solely for his own entertainment) as he schemed to seize control over their fortune. Olaf once hit Klaus hard for talking back to him, and picked up and dangled Sunny for saying No! No! No! in response to his demand for roast beef instead of the puttanesca sauce they made.
Later, Olaf had the children participate in a play in which Violet plays a woman who gets married to a character played by Olaf. The children learned that Olaf was using the play to disguise the fact that the marriage will be legally binding and that he’ll have full control over the fortune once the wedding ceremony is complete. To ensure that the children cooperate with the plan, Olaf kidnapped Sunny and had her tied up, put in a cage, and hung outside his tower window, threatening to murder her if the children refused to cooperate.
The plan to marry Violet Baudelaire to gain the inheritance went awry. Violet managed to thwart Olaf's plan by signing the marriage with her left hand instead of her right, which as she was right-handed, was the required one to make it legally binding. Olaf was exposed as a criminal and fled, but not before promising to Violet that he would get his hands on her fortune no matter what and then murder her and her siblings with his bare hands. The children were sent to different relatives, with Olaf following in pursuit. Olaf's plans became more dangerous and murderous in nature. Many of them included the murder of the children's guardians, such as Uncle Monty and Aunt Josephine. His plans were often complicated and many of the earlier ones involved him attempting to get the orphans legally into his care. Later, he simply wanted to abduct one child, murder the other two, and use the kidnapped one to blackmail Mr. Poe into giving over the fortune. Regardless of his tactics, Olaf's plans were always aimed at the goal of abducting the children through elaborate methods.
Olaf wears a new disguise of someone who works under the guardians or works near the area, usually murdering the person who had the occupation previously, that usually fools everyone but the Baudelaires. One or two of his henchmen, also usually disguised, accompany him and aid him in executing his schemes.
Villains