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| “ | I am Dylan, in house, Beekler, holder of the soccer participation trophy, master of the Italian accent, Googler of "What is sex?"! | „ |
| ~ Dylan Beekler |
| “ | Whoa, badass. | „ |
| ~ Dylan Beekler's catchphrase |
Dylan Beekler is the deuteragonist in Golan the Insatiable. She is the six-year-old child in a family of three, being the little sister of Alexis Beekler and the daughter of single mother, Carole Beekler and absentee father, Richard Beekler, whose fate is unknown. She currently works as the loyal acolyte to a supreme inter-dimensional demon, known as Golan the Insatiable. Together, the two plan on taking over the world but due to their constant arguing, they never succeed.
She is voiced by Aubrey Plaza, who also portrayed Cat Adams in Criminal Minds, Shadow King in Legion and Rio Vidal in Agatha All Along.
Biography[]
As exposed in a flashback in "Golan the Impregnable", when Dylan was three years old, she was an idyllic, cheery, innocent little girl, who especially looked up to Keith Knudsen, who was her only friend in a world, where she was treated as an outcast by everyone around her. They would occasionally go to carnivals and stuff together and Dylan was a happy child. However, one day, Dylan's entire childhood came crumbling down, when her older sister, Alexis met Keith and started hitting on him. Keith fell in love with Alexis and the two started dating, leaving Dylan in the dust. Dylan was heartbroken that her only friend left her and this led her down into a well of despair and misery, which caused her to become the emotionally disturbed goth girl she is today.
In "Pilot", Dylan was suspended from Oak Grove Elementary School for viciously attacking her bully, Mackenzie B and her mom, Carole Beekler had to come and pick her up. Carole took Dylan to the Work Office with her, where she told her to stay put, while she waited for her to finish her job. Dylan ignored this and went down in the basement, to play with the dead rats. There, she found a mysterious demonic book, lodged away in a crack in the walls. She pulled it out and took it home with her. There, she read some demon enchantments, which summoned Golan the Insatiable, demonic overlord of Gkruool into a portal, that sent him to Earth in her dimension. Dylan saw Golan fall from the sky and land in the forest, where she went to see him. After the two introduced themselves to each other, they quickly became the best of friends, sharing a zest for darkness, evil, and world domination. The duo became friends and they went on to cause all sorts of evil crimes together.
Villainous Acts[]
- Pilot
- Brutally assaulted Mackenzie B and her friends with a mace made of rainbow looms.
- Forced Carole to swerve off the road in her car, nearly crashing into everything.
- Lit Alexis on fire.
- Discovered the Gkruoolian tome of infinite evil and brought it home with her. She read some demon enchantments and summoned tyrannical and brutal demon ruler, Golan the Insatiable into her dimension.
- Retold the story of a time she stuffed dead rats into a girl's locker as a prank.
- Stole Golan's tome of infinite evil and lied, saying it disappeared so that she could keep Golan in her dimension forever.
- Brought a flaming crossbow to school and shot Mrs. Budnick in the back, which got her suspended.
- Tricked Mackenzie B into using a demon enchantment that brought her stuffed animals to life as demonic creatures, that mauled her and her friends and decapitated her mom.
- Beat up a bunch of fire fighters.
- Teamed up with Golan to form an evil team that would one day take over the world.
- Winter is Coming
- Intentionally rolled a giant snowball into a couple in their car to them off a cliff, killing their baby, and getting them trapped at the bottom of a snowy field for some time.
- Broke through the display glass at the grocery store to steal some cow brains.
- Attempted to catapult herself into the sun so that she can extinguish it, thereby prolonging the season of winter into eternity.
- Sabotaged the school play by refusing to melt. Instead she used her snowflake parts as weapons to throw at the other kids and light the entire place on fire.
- Fought the army of Alexis and the sun kids in her giant snow fortress and brutally injured and even flat-out murdered some of them.
- Shame on Pee
- Broke into Swingley's house by riding a giant boulder, which smashed through his wall and crushed his blood donor to death, who was going to save his life.
- Kidnapped Swingley and takes him to her house, so she could initiate him into the Cult of Golan.
- Tackled and attacked many people on the streets, when trying to hunt down the Shomonculus.
- Shell-Raiser
- Threw a bottle of toxic chemicals at a magician and burned his face off.
- Broke into a party van and fights a clown and eventually caused it to crash, killing the princess driving it, just so that she could steal a highly infectious turtle from it.
- Planned on using the highly infectious turtle to disease Oak Grove's giant bowl of chili and poison everybody in Oak Grove.
- Threw a guinea pig grenade at a veterinarian and blows up the animal hospital, killing all of the people and sick animals inside.
- Drove an underground drill machine to drill a newly recovered stoner in half.
- On Golan Pond
- Built a snare trap to catch and kill animals.
- Murdered a wolf and feasts on his still-beating heart.
- Golan the Impregnable
- Rode on horses with Golan through the Oak Grove mall, where they terrorized everybody and destroy everything.
- Murdered the horses and then ate their legs.
- Impregnated Golan with a demon spell, whereas to sabotage his relationship with Keith.
- Fought Golan with a bunch of weapons and tried to murder him so that he wouldn't go to the prom with Keith. This involved her slicing him with knives, blazing in a rapid fire from her array of guns, tossing grenades his way, and eventually decapitating him with a guillotine.
- Chased Keith through The Pre-Homecoming Museum with an ax, so that she could put him in a persistent vegetative state and make him prom king.
- When Keith got crushed to a cripple by the falling beer keg, Dylan used this to her advantage to make him the prom king.
- Allowed her newborn daughter, President Penis, to go around the prom and kill everybody.
Trivia[]
- As a 6-year-old girl, Dylan doesn't know what sex is. However, it's a running gag in the series for her to try and find out.
- Dylan is illiterate.
- Dylan's signature appearance of three streaks of mascara running down each of her eyes is revealed to have actually been caused by her being traumatized and clawing her face in terror, making permanent scars under her eyes in "Golan the Impregnable".