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| “ | It's a shame you have to die. But look on the bright side: you'll be a story on the 6 o'clock news. You know, unless some local cat does something funny. | „ |
| ~ Diane preparing to kill Lois Griffin. |
| “ | That's right. You won't. Goodbye, Lois. | „ |
| ~ Diane Simmons's last words before trying to kill Lois. |
Diane Simmons is a major antagonist in Family Guy.
She was a news anchor who formerly acted as the partner of Tom Tucker. Most notably, she served as the main antagonist of the two-part Season 9 premiere "And Then There Were Fewer".
She was voiced by Lori Alan.
Biography[]
Diane was the co-anchor of Channel 5 News alongside Tom Tucker for most of the series. She began dating James Woods after meeting him at a party, and was for a while her life was perfect. When she turned 40, however, Tucker arranged to have her replaced by a younger, more attractive anchorwoman, and Woods dumped her. Diane who was now feeling devastated & enraged by being betrayed by both Woods & Tucker, so she formulated a retribution plot: She would kill Woods, and set Tucker up for the crime as retribution for casting her aside & destroying both her career and her love life, thus getting them both out of the way of her ultimate ambition to become lead anchor.
She tricked a young intern named Priscilla into seducing Woods and persuading him to become a born-again Christian. Wanting to atone for his past mistakes, Woods invited the people he had wronged - including the Griffin family and several supporting Family Guy characters - to a dinner party at his isolated estate. Unbeknownst to Woods, however, Diane had set a suppressed pistol to go off and kill him once he had sat down at the head of the table. Unfortunately, that backfired when Glenn Quagmire's date Stephanie sat in the chair before Woods while he went to check on dinner, so the gunshot meant for him killed her.
Realizing that her plot was in danger of failing, Diane improvised by stabbing Woods to death with a knife from the table blackout. While she was alone, she retrieved the knife to eliminate her fingerprints (after Joe Swanson pointed it out). However, Priscilla, who had not known of Diane's plot, discovered what she had done, so Diane killed her as well and hid her in the air vent in Tucker's room. Then Muriel Goldman saw her putting the bloody knife in Tucker's suitcase, Diane killed her to keep her quiet.
Finally, she killed Derek Wilcox by bludgeoning him with one of Woods's Golden Globe Award when he tried to summon first responders to help them out. She then hid the Golden Globe under Tucker's bed, setting him up for all of the murders.
With her plot completed, Diane was about to go home, but when Lois Griffin came in to comfort her and she revealed she was the real killer. Diane showed her a dress for her first solo news debut, but Lois realized that there was no way she could've known that she'd even have a solo debut since the events were so recent. So, Diane calmly explained what she had done, and then prepared to kill Lois. At the last moment, however, Stewie Griffin shot Diane dead to stop her from killing Lois before he could, thus avenging all of her victims.
Tucker was exonerated, and Diane was replaced as co-anchor by Joyce Kinney. James Woods was also brought back to life in a later episode, making it safe to say that Diane's plot was all for nothing.
Other Appearances[]
- In the episode "Da Boom", in 2000, there has been a catastrophe that devastated the whole world, Diane and Tom have become cannibals, eating Tricia Takanawa.
- In the episode "Family Guy Viewer Mail No. 1", There is a version of Diane when she was a child, but it was considerable non-canon because, at the end of the episode, Peter Griffin remains single.
- From the movie "Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story", Tom and Diane present the first viewing of the movie at the news, with the cast of actors.
- In the episode "Blue Harvest," she is the anchorwoman of the Death Star.
- Diane also appeared when she leads the news with Tom Tucker in the episode "Lois Kills Stewie."
- In the episode "April in Quahog," she took part with Tom and the rest of the news team to concoct an April Fools prank that the world was going to end. She outright says that the joke was a success since only 87 people committed suicide and there was widespread looting.
- Diane also appeared in the video game "Family Guy: The Quest For Stuff." Diane comes back to life as a ghost and Peter becomes her servant.
Victims[]
- Stephanie - Set up a firearm to cook off and pointed it at the head seat at the table. Stephanie was an unintended victim, as the bullet was intended for James Woods, who was to sit at the head of the table.
- James Woods - Stabbed during a power outage in revenge for dumping her although he was later resurrected shortly afterwards due to being a celebrity. Diane Simmons planned to set Tom Tucker up for his murder.
- Priscilla - Had her throat slit for knowing that Diane Simmons had arranged for the citizens of Quahog to meet James Woods for him to own up for his actions. Her body was planted in a vent shaft in Tucker's room, along with the golden globe used to strike Derek, in an attempt to set Tucker up for the murders.
- Muriel Goldman - Stabbed for catching her trying to set Tom Tucker up, though she was implied to regret having to do so.
- Derek Wilcox - Bludgeoned with James Woods' golden globe award as he had attempted to summon first responders for help. Dr. Hartman declares that Derek was killed before he fell, and that his death was from a blunt force trauma.
Relation[]
Family[]
- Unnamed Mother
Lena Simmons - Unnamed Husband (Deceased)
Friends/Allies[]
- Tricia Takanawa - Former Ally and Colleague
- Ollie Williams - Former Ally and Colleague
- Neil Goldman - Former Ally
Enemies[]
- Tom Tucker - Colleague and Frenemy Turned Enemy/Attempted Victim
- James Woods - Former Love Interest and Victim
- Peter Griffin - Ally Turned Enemy/Attempted Victim
- Lois Griffin - Ally Turned Enemy/Attempted Victim
- Stewie Griffin - Ally Turned Enemy/Killer/Attempted Victim
- Brian Griffin - Ally Turned Enemy/Attempted Victim
- Chris Griffin - Ally Turned Enemy/Attempted Victim
- Meg Griffin - Ally Turned Enemy/Attempted Victim
- Stephanie - Victim
- Priscilla - Pawn and Victim
- Muriel Goldman - Victim
- Derek Wilcox - Victim
- Jillian Russell Wilcox - Attempted Victim
- Joe Swanson - Attempted Victim
- Bonnie Swanson - Attempted Victim
- Glenn Quagmire - Attempted Victim
- Mort Goldman - Attempted Victim
- John Herbert - Attempted Victim
- Dr. Elmer Hartman - Attempted Victim
- Carl - Attempted Victim
- Consuela - Attempted Victim
- Seamus Levine - Attempted Victim
- Mayor Adam West - Attempted Victim
- Unnamed Anchorwoman - Attempted Victim
- Quahog police officers - Attempted Victims
Trivia[]
- Because Muriel's death was at the hands of Diane, the latter is indirectly responsible for the events of the episode “Burning Down The Bayit” as Mort becomes overwhelmed with financial troubles as a result of Muriel’s murder, which makes Diane the overarching antagonist in that episode.
Gallery[]
Images[]
Videos[]
