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So, my friends, we have caught you eh? And you wouldn't beat me? So, now I'm going to whip you to death!
~ Fukaire to the Corsican Brothers.
Oh, there you are, eh? So you Corsican dog, eh you trouble maker, why couldn't you let me kill you quietly in the guillotine? No, you had to make revolutionary speeches! You turned my beloved dirty peasants against me! One more execution, that was all I needed for the record! You spoiled my fun! Well, my friend, from now on you will find I am no longer Mr. Nice Guy eh!
~ Fukaire's last words.

Fukaire (also known as The Evil Fukaire) is the main antagonist of the 1984 comedy film Cheech & Chong's The Corsican Brothers. He was the corrupt royal advisor of France during the French Revolution. He plotted to steal the throne but was thwarted by the Corsican Brothers Lucian and Louis.

He was portrayed by the late Roy Dotrice.

History

Early Life

Prior to the events of the film, the Evil Fukaire managed to become an advisor to the King and Queen of France. One day, the King and Fukaire went into the woods for a hunt and the King was never seen again. The clueless Queen took no notice that Fukaire murdered him and still kept him around, while the Princess knew what really happened.

The Corsican Brothers

Sometime had past and the Fukaire still held power and abused it by taxing and hurting the village peasants or "dirty peasants" as he liked to call them. During an outing, Fukaire's Tax Collectors brought him his beloved French poodle Poofta and a peasant they had captured to his carriage. Fukaire spoke to his pet claiming the peasant was caught stealing a log from the royal forest and said it was for his hovel to warm his starving children. Fukaire knew better that it was going to be used to make weapons and said they were forbidden. Another Tax collector brought the peasant's wife and Fukaire laughed and claimed that he was considerate to bring his wife to join him for company. While taking a seat, an unseen person threw feces at Fukaire's face and yelled he was hit. He then ordered his coachmen to leave and noticed his pet was missing and shouted to his men to find his Poofta.

The Tax Collectors found his dog and the Coriscan Brothers and brought them to the castle. During the day's executions, Fukaire was seated at his throne on a plateau and twirled his hand at the brothers welcoming them to their death. Lucian looked around the crowd and looked at Fukaire who then made the neck cutting gesture indicating he was going to die. Lucian then thanked him for giving him an honorable death and said he was Corsican and did not fear death causing the crowd to cheer. Fukaire then applauded him and said what great pity that noble words would be his last words and ordered their execution. The Corsican brothers then started a brawl with the executioners and Fukaire commanded his Tax Collectors to stop the fight. Fukaire then addressed the crowd and said to his dirty peasants that he decided in his great mercy to spare the Corsican brothers lives. The crowd cheered and Fukaire noticed the Princesses on the balcony admiring the brothers angering him.

Fukaire then attempted to kill the Queen by tainting her strawberries with poison. The Queen had her royal taster taste the berries and the taster died instantly. Fukaire then entered the dining room and said what delightful executions he had that day and asked the Queen if she was enjoying her meal and noticed the dead taster and laughed it off. Fukaire claimed the strawberries were good for her and the taster was allergic to them but the Princess knew what he was up to. Fukaire then said that he himself was disappointed at sparing the Corsican brothers but said they were popular with the crowd but assured her that he had a fate worse than the guillotine for the brothers. The Princess then called him a series of insults that he enjoyed until she reached the word "perverted" and Fukaire said that was the one he wanted to hear. He then said the Princess made her day and almost ate a poisoned strawberry during his excitement and excused himself.

Fukaire later went to the dungeons to a guard boiling a vat of oil and tested the temperature on the guard's finger and claimed it was 230 degrees and said to make it hotter. Fukaire was then lowered to the prison floor by use of an elevator using a prisoner as the dumb bell. He approached the brothers calling them his friends and spoke to Louis asking if he was enjoying his "hospitality". Fukaire then had Louis stand in a spot above the oil and entertain his prisoners and promised him a surprise. After Louis constantly asked him questions about the surprise and entertainment, Fukaire grabbed him by the throat and said all he wanted was for him to sing a song and started to sing the French National Anthem. Suddenly hot oil poured on him by Lucian, who discovered the plot and ambushed the guard, and Fukaire screamed and howled as the brothers managed to escape the dungeons and castle.

Later the brothers disguised themselves as the Queen's hairdresser and a traveling fortune teller and sneaked into the castle. Louis, as the hairdresser, whispered to the Princess that he would meet her later but Fukaire, standing behind her, thought he was speaking to him and infatuated himself with Louis and told him he got his message about meeting later and the pair walked together. Later Louis ran into a darkened room looking for the Princess who ran away from him and said romantic gestures. When a leg with a high heel raised up and Louis, thinking it was the Princess, approached the person laying down when it was revealed to be Fukaire. He then tied Louis to a wheel and whipped him constantly with a fabric bullwhip wanting him to scream but Lucian instead felt the pain while Louis didn't. He then used the whipping style of Montezuma's Revenge on Louis but still didn't scream frustrating him.

He then burned his feet with candles when Lucian finally ran into the room screaming and blew out the candles. Fukaire then whipped Lucian thinking he wanted Louis and Louis finally screamed. Fukaire then tied himself to the wheel and asked Louis to whip him who was about to when Lucian stopped him and they both left. Fukaire begged the brothers to whip him then called out for his guards to stop them. The brothers were caught and Fukaire yelled and violently whipped around the room ordering the crowd back and whipped a guard for their failure. Fukaire laughed and approached the brothers stating they would die by his whip. Lucian and Louis then removed their disguises and revealed to Fukaire that they were the Corsican brothers enraging him. He then ordered the brothers to the dungeons by guards and imprisoned Lucian and Louis. Lucian later escaped the dungeons but Louis was left behind to face execution.

Execution 5000

The following day a great crowd gathered outside the castle for the Execution 5000 festival of Louis. Fukaire stood on the plateau platform and watched the guards bring him to the guillotine and addressed the crowd. Fukaire said that the day was special as it was the 5000 execution of the month and was grateful to the dirty peasants and asked Louis if he had any last words. Louis listed all things Fukaire had done to him and said the worst of all was making Louis very hungry as his head was placed into the guillotine. Fukaire thanked him for the kind words and stated his only regret was that Lucian the revolutionary was dead and wished he would watch the death of his brother when suddenly feces were thrown at his face. Lucian revealed himself alive and atop the castle and accepted his invitation. Fukaire ordered Louis be executed but Lucian raced to the stand via sky line and stopped the blade with a french bread. A battle then broke out between the villagers Lucian rallied against the castle guards. Fukaire stood watching the may-lay growling and raising a fist while ordering his Tax Collectors to stop the brothers. Fukaire suddenly noticed an angry mob rushing towards him and told the dirty peasants not to touch him while his guards tried to stop the mob. Fukaire said they could kick him but not touch and overpowered the guards and attacked Fukaire overwhelming him.

Defeat and Death

Fukaire later ran into the dungeons stripped of his clothing except his undergarments and bull whip in hand and found Lucian there. He walked towards him calling him a troublemaker and asked him why he couldn't kill him quietly at the guillotine. He then told Lucian that he turned his peasants against him and said he spoiled his fun and prepared to whip him. One Tax Collector was behind Lucian and raised his axe while Fukaire raised his whip when suddenly a potato grenade landed in the dungeon and all three looked Fukaire exclaimed and tried to run but perished in the explosion along with the collector while Lucian swung to safety. Paris was now free from Fukaire's tyranny and the revolution was won.