Wanted: Gabriel Grudge-Gallows, the fiercest pirate in the world. For, pillaging, plundering and piracy!
~ Grudge-Gallows' wanted notice

Gabriel Grudge-Gallows is the antagonist of the comedy Tingleberries, Tuckertubs and Telephones book. He is a modern "executive" pirate who hoards modern objects like cell phones as opposed to heaps of coins.

He seeks to reclaim his old hoard. He was a feared pirate before being defeated by Detective Inspector Hobday, who is Saracen's grandmother. Thus, he breaks out of jail and goes on a vengeful spree.


Gabriel Grudge-Gallows was a feared pirate before detective inspector Hobday defeated him and humiliated him along with his crew. He was imprisoned in Hookywalker prison. But in his spare time he vowed vengeance and set about making a new crew together with his old shipmates and sewed new pirate flags in prison class.

One night, a blackout hit Hookywalker and the doors were unlocked, leaving the pirates free to escape. Grudge-Gallows stole his old ship, named Pirate Promise, and claimed his crew back, and left a mocking note saying "I'm off to the Antarctic, catch me if you can, Detective Inspector, ha ha ha!"

So Detective Hobday set off to the South Pole to catch the criminal. She left her grandson Saracen in charge of her home and island. He was sent a rare plant from the Antarctic called a tingleberry and was told by his grandmother to harvest it, meaning he became a millionaire from selling it to businesses. So, when his old black phone broke down, the company gave him a new gold phone.

Obviously, this attracted the pirates. Gabriel Grudge-Gallows had lied to Hobday and was actually skulking round her home, instead of in the Antarctic, making sure to kill her. When Saracen dialled Grudge-Gallows' number rather than a pizza company (due to being in love with an operator) he spoke to the feared pirate who told him he would invade and steal the phone. So, Saracen suddenly had to prepare for a pirate invasion.

The pirate invasion

You would be right to hide from us, shipmate, for we're not mere visitors! At this very moment you're talking to the famous pirate captain, Grudge-Gallows, and the moment I'm done talking I'll point this ship at Breakfast Island, and close in on that gold telephone of yours! Ha ha, a gold telephone! I  had my last chest stolen by a detective inspector, and its time we built up a new hoard!
~ Grudge-Gallows' remniscient boast

Grudge-Gallows set sail for the island with his crew and sang a defiant song (a parody of Fifteen Men on a dead man's chest). He then ran onto the jetty as soon as he saw the phone and would stop at nothing to get it.

But the jetty was famous for having loose planks, many of which arched up and hit the pirates in painful places, and catapulted them out to sea. But the remaining pirates tenaciously ran on and tried to tackle Saracen but were cut off by his trap which was a large pit. They fell in but furiously shouted "Fling the king!" and hoisted Grudge-Gallows out of the pit and he ran after Saracen, yelling that he would make the boy pay.

Saracen ran to his greenhouses where the tingleberries were, but Grudge-Gallows, after being hit by an angry cow which was protective of Saracen, threatened to poison the tingleberries and kill them unless Saracen gave him his phone. Defeated, Saracen handed over the phone but then the pirate said he'd kill the tingleberries anyway, as he was a treacherous pirate. But then Detective Hobday arrived on albatrosses, because she had spoken to Saracen about the pirate invasion. When Grudge-Gallows saw the inspector, he panicked, and ran back to the ship, but it was being towed out by the telephone operator. He was held up at the end of the jetty and the Inspector threatened to kill him but he lost his balance on a loose plank when the operator rang the gold phone and he fell in the sea. But an albatross caught the phone, saving it.


Saracen wouldn't let even an evil man drown so he dived in to save the pirate. Then he bought him back to shore and listened to the operator telling him how she ended up helping Saracen. Sickened by their love, Grudge-Gallows said to Hobday that he would repent and do anything to not have to listen to romance any more. The inspector was a bit disappointed that there was no fighting but she arrested him anyway.

Then, later in the day, all the pirates had tingleberries and all of them repented and said tingleberries had that effect on criminals. Hobday said that the prison needed tingleberries in its meals. But then inspector Cruddington, Hobday's rival, rang from Arabia, saying he was being held up by bandits. Cruddington was also the operator's father so Saracen asked to propose to his daughter saying that she has just fought off pirates. Then Cruddington said yes Saracen could have her but Hobday, Saracen's grandmother, had to save him. Hobday said she would and got the pirates and Grudge-Gallows to sail to the Middle East and get the inspector out of trouble.


Gabriel Grudge-Gallows was a fairly typical pirate, valuing money and treasure more than finer things in life. Unlike most evil pirates though, he redeems himself in the end. He is actually quite similar to Hector Barbossa. He has a great fear of cows and water, despite being a pirate he can't swim. He also cannot stand romance at all, being sickened at Saracen and Rosalindella's proposal. In fact, Grudge-Gallows begged to go back to jail so he wouldn't have to listen to soppy proposals.

However, he had a sense of humour and honour, and this ensured his redemption and he set off to save the day with Saracen's grandmother - even though she had to take loads of tingleberries to keep the pirates in order.


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