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| “ | Larry, shut your maggoty mouth. I'm trying to slo-mo away from this explosion and you're killing my vibe. | „ |
| ~ Gertrude |
| “ | FLUFF MY LIFE. | „ |
| ~ Gertrude |
| “ | KILLED! Yes, I know what you MEANT! I have spent decades here getting my SASS handed to me because I would ignore how literal this place could be. You set up the rules and worded them so perfectly that any interpretation could be the wrong one—and now we're playing your FLUFFED up little game even longer. I'm sure if I had killed [Cloudia], you'd have a different reason to prevent me from going home, because that's what you do—you get some twisted enjoyment out of manipulating everyone and everything! You're nothing but SICK CONTROL FREAKS! Well, FLUFF that and FLUFF you! You can't control everything all the time. And you should have learned long ago, you can't control me! Now... SEND. ME. HOME. | „ |
| ~ Gertrude |
Gertrude, also referred to as Gert, is the main protagonist of the Image Comics series I Hate Fairyland.
She is a human girl from the Real World who was taken to Fairyland by Queen Cloudia when she was six years old. Since then, she has quested for the key to get back to her house with the help of her guide, Larry (aka. Larrington Wentsworth III). She was a complete failure, though, and it took her almost forty decades to accomplish her aim. She has since then developed into a bloodthirsty, aggressive, sadistic, and extremely violent mass murderer.
Gertrude has not aged physically during her search because of Fairyland's regulations. Despite being in her 30s and around 37 years old, she still has the appearance of a child on the outside. After the conclusion of the first series, Gert aged and returned to the real world, looking like a proper adult.
Appearance[]
In her child-resembling body, Gertrude is dressed in a faded pink dress with yellow ribbons and has curly hair that is brilliant green. She also wears black shoes and stockings with stripes of pink and white. Her teeth have terrible damage and are crooked. She still has her signature green hair in her adult form, but she is taller and wears a pink sleeveless jumpsuit instead of the pink and green frock.
Personality[]
| “ | Larry: Oh, no. I've never seen anyone like the person you just described. No one at all. I'm definitely not looking directly at a person that's anything like you described. Gertrude: Are you saying that I'm annoyed with her because she's basically me... and I'm getting to witness just how terrible a person I've become over the years? That in some twisted way, she's acting as a mirror to show me that I'm really just an unhinged maniac with no grasp on basic human emotions and lack the understanding to relate to the normal world in any way? Is that what you're telling me? Larry: Yeah, pretty much. |
„ |
| ~ Gertrude seeing how much of a bad person she is. |
Once a cheerful girl filled with an endless capacity for joy and imagination, Gertrude's long and tumultuous years spent within Fairyland have drastically transformed her essence. The enchanting surroundings which once inspired her have, over time, molded her into a malicious, murderous, bloodthirsty, and deeply insane individual. She has become an extremely jaded psycho-sociopathic misanthrope, a twisted and wrathful shell of the innocent person she once was, now characterized by an alarming lack of sympathy, conscience, or regard for the life of anyone or anything around her.
Gert is utterly and completely fed up with her excruciatingly prolonged stay in Fairyland, a place that she once viewed as magical, but is now a prison that stifles her spirit. In her desperation to escape the confines of this fantastical land that has turned nightmarish, she has become obsessively fixated on leaving by any means necessary. This determination drives her to consider and pursue extreme measures, including but not limited to schemes involving murder, torture, mutilation, genocide, and just general the mass extermination of those who stand in her way. Gert is also a profoundly heavy alcoholic, firmly asserting that the very essence and life-blood of any good quest, whether it be adventurous or challenging, is, without a doubt, alcohol.
Gert possesses an exceptionally fractured mind that is likely riddled with numerous mental illnesses, which includes, but are not limited to: sociopathy, psychopathy, and depression. Her behaviors and actions frequently showcase these conditions. She is deeply sarcastic, flips off random people, has a grumpy demeanor, an overarching sense of cynicism, an often explosive short temper, and she picks fights with and kills anyone who looks at her funny. Gert has a propensity to lash out aggressively at anyone who causes her even the slightest irritation, regardless of their intentions. Her existence is defined by frustration, and she carries this sentiment with her wherever she ventures, resulting in frequent conflicts with others. As a consequence of her disruptive behavior and the chaos she leaves in her wake, she has become extremely despised by the other inhabitants of Fairyland, who suffer from the injuries and havoc she causes in her various antics and outbursts.
Since Gertrude has seldom, if ever, had the opportunity to use genuine swear words because of various forms of censorship that have surrounded her, she is both curious and excited when it comes to encountering real profanity. She would later engage in a discussion about this specific matter with her creator, during which she would reveal that she actually did use real curse words in her expressions, but there existed a group of mages whose sole responsibility was to sustain an enchantment designed to transform and filter those curse words into what she referred to as "cutesy crap".
Her only companion in this unforgiving world is Larry. However, she doesn't really share a deep bond or connection with him. In fact, her feelings towards him are quite negative; she openly expresses a desire to cause him harm, indicating that she fantasizes about ripping his guts out, and she dismissively tells him that he can go "eat a dick", which reflects her contempt and lack of appreciation for his presence. She also takes the opportunity to punch Larry whenever circumstances allow her the chance to do so. On the other hand, Larry does not view her as a friend either in his own eyes. At the end of the first series, however, she eventually does express her gratitude to Larry for everything he has accomplished and contributed throughout the course of their experiences together. This would later not hold significant importance, as Gert would revert to her pattern of abusing Larry in the second series.
Lessons from Gertrude.
Gert has a strong, almost obsessive love for murder and acts of violence, proclaiming that the very essence that sustains a worthwhile quest is the literal lifeblood of anyone who fails to assist in the fulfillment of that quest. She relishes and revels in the act of drinking the blood from those whom she has slain, feasting upon the remains of the deceased, or repurposing their skin into garments for her own use, doing it at any opportunity she can. As a result, she is regarded as a universally feared figure due to this, and King Cloudeus believes that even the deadliest assassins cannot reach her before she inflicts upon them the most deadliest of fates.
Sometimes, she won't even make deaths quick. She will actively employ every ounce of her strength and skill in an excessively violent manner and drag out the encounter, prolonging the suffering of her victims. Granted, Gert sometimes tends to refrain from engaging in wanton and indiscriminate attacks on others without cause. She is, however, very quick to take decisive and often ruthless actions to annihilate anything or anyone that displeases her or disrupts her plans. On a side note, even as a terrible person, Gert can surprisingly exhibit a cheerful demeanor and display enthusiasm, an instance being when she encountered Gwag the Barbarian, excitedly claiming to be her biggest admirer and supporter, but after being rejected, it's likely she hates her now.
Despite her well-established reputation for villainy, Gert is still a profoundly insecure individual, who carries the heavy weight of deep emotional damage, and is constantly desperate for the love she tragically lost many decades ago. Because she is often viewed as a failure by nearly everyone she encounters, including Larry, this compounds her feelings of frustration and contributes to the further deterioration of her already fragile sanity. The downward spiral pushes her toward an even deeper level of self-loathing, as she grapples with the sense that she has not lived up to her own or others' expectations. Although she does possess the capacity to show genuine affection towards certain people in her life, it is typically fleeting and short-lived, as she struggles with her own tumultuous emotions. She's demonstrated a willingness to betray others when it serves her own interests, illustrated by her abandoning Duncan in a video game and leaving him to be trapped, and her ruthless decision to sacrifice a newly befriended gremlin to a relentless horde of clones.
As much mayhem and destruction as she wreaks, causing chaos and disorder wherever she goes, she often finds herself to be the unfortunate recipient of the worst kind of bad luck, with absolutely nothing ever turning out well for her. Even after she makes her way back to the real world, now as an adult, her glaring lack of any real-world skills and practical knowledge means that she is inexorably doomed to constantly juggle a series of different job positions, never quite managing to hold onto any for long.
Biography[]
Background[]
Gertrude was a little six-year-old girl with a vivid imagination and an insatiable curiosity about the world around her, who wished deeply to be whisked away to a fantastical world filled with wonder, magic, laughter, and joy. Naturally, this fervent desire summoned a swirling wormhole right in the middle of her bedroom floor, which filled her with trepidation and fear, as she couldn't help but worry that she might never return home, feeling a chill run down her spine at the thought that she could die in such an unfamiliar place. This hurled her into the enchanting realm of Fairyland, a delightful and whimsical land packed full of wonder and magic that grants young children the very opportunity they dream of experiencing.
As she bloodily fell into Fairyland while injured, she was greeted by Queen Cloudia, the ruler of all Fairyland, who took a moment to explain to her that there existed a door back to her own world, and all she needed to do to return was to embark on a quest to find a mysterious key that would unlock this portal, a quest that should only take "two shakes of a bogglezig". Cloudia gave Gertrude two things: a helpful guide named Larrigon Wentsworth III and a beautifully illustrated map that detailed all the known territories within Fairyland. With that, Gertrude, had all she needed, and began her adventure that would not take more than an afternoon at most.
Due to a mixture of incompetence and a great deal of bad luck, Gertrude ends up on her quest for 30 years, although most children complete it in a matter of hours or days. She became a woman painfully trapped in a child's body, even if her looks hasn't altered. She is now in her thirties and has long since made the decision to abandon answering riddles in favor of beating the living daylights out of anything and everyone until she finds someone or something that can help her return home because she is so tired of the tooth-rotting, sugarcoated world around her.
First Kill[]
The first person on-panel to set off Gertrude is in fact Mister Moon, a living entity and once the narrator of Gertrude's story. Gertrude uses a cannon to kill Mister Moon, though the Moon is later shown in crescent form with many bandages so he may be alive, and then proceeds to kill the stars in the sky as they may be witnesses. This gets the attention of Queen Cloudia, who was among the first people Gertrude met. Cloudia appears to be annoyed by Gertrude even before the stars are wiped out. In response to the slaughter that Gert unleashes, she plans to kill her, but due to Fairyland rules, she is unable to use her magic to harm Gertrude, and as such, hires others, including a mercenary, a witch, and anyone else able to kill Gertrude.
After Larry spends an hour engaged in shopping, Gertrude robs a nearby casino and leaves fire behind, which eventually leads to her capture, after which she is taken directly to the Slug Lord. Once there, she finds herself forced to listen to an enigmatic riddle, something she finds profoundly irritating, so in a fit of frustration, she begins to strangle the Slug Lord using his own necklace. At this moment, the Shroom Patrol arrive to kill her, but Gert manages to overpower each member of the patrol, leaving a trail of chaos, and then she begins eating his coppers in a display of mockery. As more members of the Shroom Patrol are dispatched to get rid of her, Gert leaps out of a window in a frantic escape and lands on the back of a monster who is serving as her getaway vehicle, with Larry on it as well.
However, Gertrude's incessant chattering and nonstop talking become increasingly overwhelming, causing the monster to lose its focus and purposefully drop them off at Ice Cream Island. There, in the midst of sugary delights, Gertrude proceeds to vomit, declaring that she desperately needs a "puking rally" to regain her composure and energy. Just as Gertrude recovers and her and Larry start to leave, they find themselves confronted by Bruud the Brutal, an assassin who has been specifically hired to carry out the deadly mission of eliminating Gertrude for good.
Gertrude briefly experiences a romantic infatuation with Bruud, whom she characterizes as "brutally beautiful". But this admiration is abruptly shattered when Bruud refers to her as "wench," a term that ignites her fury. Bruud asserts that "wench" simply denotes a woman or a young girl, yet Gert dismisses his explanation with disdain. In a fit of violence, she decides to take drastic and violent action against him, forcefully stretching his nipple, twisting and vastly elongating it with considerable force, relishing in the moment of exerting her strength over him. Eventually, she releases her grip, and, consumed by rage, she takes her battle axe and mercilessly kills Bruud. After the act, Gertrude, along with her Larry, departs the scene and takes Bruud's head with her, leaving the chaos behind them.
Gertrude, while drunk, is seated at a bar, using the severed head of a barbarian as a hand puppet. She wishes to be normal, free from the whimsical yet burdensome magical influences of Fairyland that have shaped her existence. To her astonishment, her wish materializes, transforming her into what she describes as a monster. As it turns out, she has been drinking Wishers Ale, a potent beverage known for its ability to grant the wishes of those who partake in it. Larry explains that she has subsisted on a Fairyland-inspired diet for the entirety of her life which is basically an excessive intake of sugar, leading to the conclusion that her notion of "normal" has developed into a bizarre existence resembling that of a grotesque, walking type-nineteen diabetic tumor.
Gertrude continues her search for the key along with wiping out any opposition to her goal until she learns that Cloudia has conjured up another child from Earth, Happy. Happy already possesses magical powers when Gertrude met her for the first time and attempted to wipe her out, Gertrude was severely damaged after their first fight.
Gertrude's Powers[]
In response to Happy's appearance and magical powers, Gertrude looks for a means to level the playing field. She seeks out Lord Darkwraith, considered one of the seven dooms of Fairyland and after Gertrude bests the creatures in his dungeon, she is granted his powers. Which include energy absorption, magical creature manifestation, and the ability to project energy blasts. Gertrude uses her "Kill-You-So-Hard" powers to defeat Happy by splitting the ground and causing Happy to be sucked down into the ground. The ground was sealed and Happy is not seen again, though it is not specified if she is in fact dead or not, simply believed to be so.
Once Happy was defeated and killed, Gertrude seized the key for herself and was finally able to open the door to return home. The victory was short lived however as Gertrude was preparing to leave after nearly 30 years trapped in her own candy-coated nightmare of talking stuffed animals and mythical creatures, she was confronted by Cloudia who was upset at Happy's demise but glad to finally see Gertrude leaving. Cloudia watched as Gertrude was about to leave and remarked "I am indeed sad, that your goodbye does not contain more death". The response caused Gertrude to pause and kill Cloudia, obliterating her into ash in front of the door. The door then sealed shut with Gertrude stuck in Fairyland as Fairyland law states that any being who kills the current ruler of Fairyland must take their place as ruler of Fairyland.
Gertrude's Dream & Rule[]
After the death of Cloudia at the hands of Gertrude, she was placed as the new ruler and had a dream of a tyrannical rule where she was powerful, beloved despite her cruelty and finally an adult with a curvaceous and busty build just like that of Cloudia. Gertrude is rocked from her dream by the discussion of signatures and documents as she awakens to find herself, still young and in a throne room being forced to sign paper after paper and learning that the entire job of queen is far more boring than she had bargained for.
Death and Return[]
Gert dies and was trapped in Hell being tortueed by Satan himself. Realizing that Gertrude is the only one who can defeat "Dark Cloudia", Duncan and Larry confront the Fairyland Council and tell them that they must resurrect Gertrude to save Fairyland. The Council initially refuse, citing the rules of Fairyland, but Duncan retorts that the rules, and the Council, are directly responsible for the crisis, and that by kidnapping children like him and Gertrude, they have abdicated any moral authority. One of the Council member concedes that Duncan is correct, and orders Bill to deliver the pocket dimension containing Gert's Hell to the council chamber. Duncan and Larry enter Hell and inform Gertrude about Dark Cloudia, retrieving her from Hell. When returned to Fairyland, she attempts to renege on the deal and says she would rather go back to Hell than save Fairyland when she realizes that her actions would serve the Council's purpose. The Council nevertheless promises to return Gertrude home if she succeeds, and forcibly empowers her with their combined magic. Meanwhile, Dark Cloudia destroys the army of King Cone, the new Fairyland king, who tried to stop her wave of destruction in vain. Before the villain could slay the king, however, Gert appears and attacks her with their new magical powers, depowering Dark Cloudia and beating her up. Although Gert almost kills Cloudia again, Larry reminds her that the Council never specified that Cloudia has to die in their request, and Gert decides to follow his advice for once and gives the defeated villain to King Cone in order to be imprisoned for her crimes. The Council then appears, angry because Gert didn't kill Cloudia, despite the fact that she technically fulfilled their request, and threatening to exile her to a remote place in Fairyland, until Gert reminds them that she still has their combined magic inside her and would use it to kill them unless they honor their part of the deal, and the fearful Council quickly sends her back home, much to Larry's sorrow.
Unfortunately, back on Earth, Gert, now a proper adult woman, finds herself living a boring and depressing life, working as a clerk in a TV station in order to earn a living, realizing too late that normal life isn't as marvelous as she remembered, before she says "fuck Fairyland".
Returning to Fairyland[]
In the 2022 revival series, Gert lived a miserable life, losing every job and later getting beat up in a bar where William Wiggins offers her cash to go to Fairyland. In this comic, The adult Gertrude would die only to be revived as a child, along with the other versions of herself. The current Gertrude would then go around killing anything and would regain the feeling of being happy again, along with her absorbing the other versions of herself.
Quotes[]
| “ | FML. Riddle away | „ |
| ~ Gertrude to Slug Lord. |
| “ | WHAT'S UP, MUFFIN FLUFFERS?! | „ |
| ~ Gert attacking Fairyland. |
| “ | IS THIS ENOUGH DEATH FOR YOU?! | „ |
| ~ Gertrude as she kills Queen Cloudia. |
| “ | ...Ah, you know what...? Fuck Fairyland. | „ |
| ~ Gertrude. |
| “ | I KNOW THIS LOOKS BAD. I TOTALLY STABBED THAT GUY. IT WOZ MƎ. AND I MEANT IT | „ |
| ~ Gert. |
| “ | Nope, fuck off motherFUUUUUUcckkerr. | „ |
| ~ Gertrude to a beggar. |
Trivia[]
- Gertrude once had a husband that she ended up murdering.
- Gertrude has Diabetes Type 19.
Gallery[]
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 Villains
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Humans Fairylanders | ||