| “ | But there is one army that keeps wanting to disturb the tranquility of one city... An army not belonging to any country, but to a mad professor called Darnacus Damnation... The Army of Grinning Darns! | „ |
| ~ Noitu Love's intro. |
The Grinning Darns Army, oftenly referred just as Army of the Grinning Darns, is a private terrorist organization whose purpose is to destroy Omicron City, mankind, and the world. They are the main antagonists of the 2005-2009 beat'em up, hack and slash, platform point and click Noitu Love games, created by Joakim Sandberg (that also created the famous Iconoclasts).
Background[]
Story[]
The Grinning Darns Army was founded around 2188 or before, by the evil scientist Darnacus Damnation as his personal army. It is formed purely by Darnacus' robots, The Grinning Darns, or simply Darns, as humans are not allowed in it except from Darnacus himself. The Darns follow some type of hierarchy amongst them so in order for Darnacus to control every single one of them without trouble he created smartest Darns to serve as his tophead generals. They terrorized Omicron City for years, but the protective organization Peacekeepers League and their star hero Noitu Love always ended with their plans. However, Darnacus and their generals plotted a plan that would end with Noitu and the civilization forever, planning to turn every citizen of Omicron City into monkeys using a forbidden technology. That plan ended up in Darnacus demise and presumpted death, and the remaining Darns were either deactivated or destroyed, thus ending with the army.
(For more information of the in-game story of the first game, see Darnacus)
Revival and rise of the New Darns[]
Even after Darnacus dissapearence, their headquarters were untrackable thanks to their defense A.I system Tango Source. After the army's destruction Tango runned amok as she had no master, and plotted a revenge against mankind. She used old data of Darnacus' Darns to mass produce a version of hers. A more powerful, resistant and smart kind of Darn, called New Darns. She also revived the old generals that served his master with new, powerful bodies according to the New Darns' design. With the help of the already revived Grinsley Gunsborough they started their corrupt funds again, gaining new weaponry and vehicles. The Army was again on the loose but this time they ruled by a new, genocidal administration. When Tango got destroyed forever, the fate of the army stayed unknown. But with their generals destroyed again, it is likely that the remaining Darns were deactivated, ending with the armie's reign of terror for good.
Darns[]
Basic Darns
They are low-height, crazed, aggressive robots that are mass produced by Darnacus. They are not to strong, but what they lack in strength they got in numbers, as there are almost an infinite amount of them. They aren't also very smart (specially Darn Dimwits that were programed as dumb), needing some sort of Darn leader to give them orders. There are strongest Darns than others, being the most powerful ones the generals. It is unknown if they have the ability to talk, as they are often mute, and only the generals are showed being capable of speaking. Their trademark characteristic are metalic lines carved at the bottom of their faces shaped as a grin that gives them their name. They come in different classes and hierarchies, everyone with a specific role. These are the basic ones:
Normal Red Darns are the most common of them. Thanks to their numbers they can easily overpower amount their enemies. Their only attack are metallic punchs, a poor weapon that makes them weak if they are alone. They can also use artillery, as seen by Darn Duo, a two-cannon turret controlled by two normal Red Darns.
Hyper Darns are a variation of the normal Darn. They have the same design, but with a brilliant purple-lilac color. They also use their punches, but theirs are more powerful and damaging than normal Darn ones.
Darn Nitwits, as their name suggest, are just flying yellow Darn heads with a propeller on the top. They have no weapons, and only attack by bashing on the player.
Darn Scoundrels are more of the assassin type. They are green, human-sized Darns that attack with knives and bombs. They are more smart than normal Darns, as they are used for sneaking missions. They can turn invisible to ambush their foes, as well as having stunt skills.
Darn Bastards are artillery much like Darn Duo, but these ones can go by their own. They are big grey Darn heads with a cannon on top that shoot bombs. They are very popular in warfare missions.
Darn Nincompoop are kitten-shaped blue Darns that shot some sort of laser sphere from their mouth. Their real motive of existence is unknown.
Darn Dimwits are perhaps the most important part of the Darn army, as they are one of the few Darns that are programmed to use vehicles and machines without ruining it or destroying themselves. They are conehead orange Darns that always wear an orange cloak. They can also attack with weird, sphere like bombs coming out of their cape. The Darns in charge of them are the Practitioners of Dim. Despite being specialized in vehicles, they are not the only ones that can use them, just like the Darned Eagles from the second game, Darn Fab and Sleeper Brakeman.
There are also special Darns that serve specific generals, such as the Darn Piece of Crap and The Grin Reaper that serve O2-JOY, or Darn Served that work for Grinsley.
New Darns[]
These are new versions created by Tango, more dedicated to warfare and destruction instead of tactical missions, based on the data of the old Darns. Some of them got enhanced, other completely changed, and others got rejected.
Normal red Darns now are more resistant and smart. Their silly punch got completely boosted, being granted with a hyper punch that shrouds their hands in a force shield, doing critical damage. They still can use cannons, as seen by Darn Marksmans who are the principal artillery of the new army. the red Darn has several themed variations of it, just as Darn cowboys that serve Grinsley, Darn preachers that serve O2-JOY, Darn mobsters that serve The Grinning 4, etc. Some versions of it can also use vehicles just like Darn Dimwits.
Hyper Darns, now renamed Darn Worse not only punch harder than normal Darns, but they can shoot bombs from a cannon in their hands
Darn Nitwits again only attack by bashing on the player, but they are granted with wings and a jet propeller that makes them more mobile and aerodynamic, thus making their bashing more damaging.
Darn Scoundrel got remaked. They are no longer assassins, but dangerous marksmans that use flamethrowers.
Darn Bastards are perhaps the ones that got changed the most. Instead of big Darn heads, they are tall, strong grey Darns with a giant sword, not using cannons anymore.
Darn Dimwits still are Darns specialized in vehicles, but as a defense mechanism they can trigger a big, deadly energy explosion out of their capes instead of the energy spheres of the first game.
Darn Kappas are green Darns specialized in aquatic combat. Their weapon of choice is an highly damaging, sharp-razor yellow boomerang.
Generals[]
These are the smartest Darns and the ones at the top of the hierarchy. All Darns are supposed to obey them, althought some of them have personal goons or minions, not needing to controll all kind of Darns. Thanks to their intelligence, these Darns are able to think for themselves and are conscious of who they are. They can act whenever they want, making them specially dangerous as they don't have a limit of what they can do, specially with Darnacus at their command. Despite their high intelligence and capabilites, they don't have free will. They still follow specifical programming that force them to be treacherous, dangerous and evil, and also follow Darnacus despite constant failure. They can also establish conversations, control all kind of vehicles and weaponry, being able of constant revival and of course, legions and legions of Darns under they command that will do their evil bidding without hesitation, or simply please them.
Practitioners of Dim[]
| “ | NGEH NGEH NGEH! Is Noitu we see! Is going to die! | „ |
| ~ The Practitioners facing Noitu at PL HQ |
The Practitioners of Dim are three Darns in charge of the Darn Dimwits, as well as the smartest ones amongst them. Their design is almost the same as their minion counterparts, except that they are gold-yellow instead of Orange (their sprite still shows them as orange, though) and their cloak is white. They are three units that work as one, meaning that they are always together and tend to talk at unison. However, they are brutish individuals who worship violence and oftenly act without thinking about the consequences whatsoever, being prone to deranged, mindless destruction despite their rank. They always talk in engrish, and ride a giant, bipedal mecha shaped as their heads that has no weapons, but due to their size works as one. Despite their important role as Darn Dimwit's teachers in the old Darn army, they were not even considered for revival by Tango, maybe due to their brutal nature or that Darn Dimwits didn't need leaders at that point at all.
Sergeant Killburne[]
| “ | NGAH NGAH! Yes! Noitu! You! You're Noitu! Show me your strenght! | „ |
| ~ Sergeant Killburne |
Sergeant Killburne is a multi functional Darn among the army. He is the one in charge of leading Darns into civil warfare missions, meaning that he was a recurrent foe to Noitu Love. However, despite of his Sergeant rank, he was demoted every time he was defeated or destroyed by Noitu Love, meaning that he was Brigadier General at the time of his creation. He is a green, military-themed Darn with no legs and moves with a pair of caterpillar tracks, however, for fights and terrorist missions he uses his personal vehicle, a strange, big dragon-like head (that might be a platform or an aircraft) equipped with machine guns and missiles. He is in charge of all Darns in general, but Darn Nincompoops seem to follow him in battle for some reason. He was also not revived by Tango for unknown reasons, maybe due to his incompetence.
O2-JOY[]
| “ | YOU...!!! You dare interrumpt my beautiful requiem?! This requires DRASTIC measures! Which means i'm going to kill you. | „ |
| ~ O2-JOY |
O2-JOY is the entertainment recreationist of the army. He is a highly narcissistic Darn that appears to be harmless at sight, but is in fact aa wrathful, homicidal Darn that easily loses his temper for insignificant things such as someone touching his instruments, or playing a song wrong. Althought this might not seem so bad, O2-JOY will actually try to kill the person who enraged him. His role is to create classic music and do parties inside of the army, but he works as an operator by times. To attack others, he uses a personal platform that controls traps inside his room, and also has the ability to control Darns with a modified baton. He was revived by Tango after the first army was destroyed, giving him a lot more narcissistic, melodramatical personality, albeit still wrathful and homicidal.
Grinsley Gunsborough[]
| “ | The city skyline looks marvellous, does it not? It is a marvellous day to destroy it as well! | „ |
| ~ Grinsley |
Grinsley Gunsborough (later renamed Gumsburrow in the sequel) is perhaps the most important member of the Darn Army. He is not only a general, but also the official funder and financial manager of the army. He has many headquarters around the world where he and his minions laundry the money the army has gotten in stealing or sacking banks, using it to create more Darns and get new weaponry. He is a blackish-grey Darn that wears a smocking and a metallic bowler hat that works as a helmet, and also a monocle that replaces one of his eyes (left eye in the first game and the right eye in the second). He tends to use the word marvellous for almost everything he says. He is (along with O2-JOY) the Darn with more personal minions under his command, and by far the smartest amongst all of them. He has no way to defend himself and is very weapon-dependant, being his trademark weapon a giant, robotic hand called Nuclear Arm, placed in his right arm, that can crush his opponents as well as fire a potent laser. He used this weapon in his final battle against Noitu Love, but turned in his weapon of choice afterwards. When he was revived by Tango, he got the double of money and minions, but was demoted in importance to the plot.