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|“||We're looking for sickos...who hate our blessed Mother Goddess, The Queen of Heaven.||„|
|~ Harold Penisman to a group of children.|
|“||I'm Harold Penisman, I'm a man of honor. I have much liquid capital to give you, white gold!||„|
|~ Harold Penisman to the traitor Paul.|
Harold Penisman is the reimagining of a one off villain from a Chick Tract. On the web show "The Bible Reloaded" he was given an expanded backstory and personality. In the tract he is the ruthless dictator of Earth and strives to wipe out all Christians and other groups who refuse to believe in the Mother Goddess. He is also the leader of a campaign to give out free drugs as a way to help people in pain or boredom. At the end of the tract he nearly catches the main heroes, but they are raptured away in the nick of time.
Harold dresses in a skin tight green jump suit with a connected pointed hat. On the chest is an image of the peace symbol on a pole with a single snake wrapped around it. On his waist he wears a utility belt with two holsters. One is for his gun and the second for a slightly smaller gun, or for sticking his hand in and giving people the bird. His hat has a symbol on the front that says "One world" as well as two black gloves. He is notable muscular with a strong jaw and scouring eyes. Across his right eye is a long scar that he got from field work and dick play.
Harold grew up in a dystopia created by his father. His origins were compared to that of Batman. When his father was executed by the new One World Government, he was left an orphan and swore vengeance. He traveled for an unknown amount of time building his strength and honing his mind. When he was finished, he was powerful enough to defeat the World Government and claim rulership over Earth for himself. He is shown to be very charismatic and persuasive, as he was able to convince everyone to become homosexuals and conform to his new army of Secular Wicken Hindus. He also claims to know about how to attract woman, but his advice seems to be poor, at least in the real world.
Powers and Abilities
It is unknown how, but it can be inferred that Dick can use a large arm of some kind, it is mentioned that Harold has Grand Healers that kill people. He is also shown to have a torture squad and armed forces. In one of the tracts, he is able to travel through time and give free poisoned roofies to the Devil as well as audition to play.
There is no known solid timeline so this is partially speculation. The Penisman family come from a long line of successful revolutionaries and leaders. One of his grandparents, known as old lady Penisman, was in control of a town called Penisville. This town was owned by her until she sensed an evil man coming to a nearby town and died at around 200 years old. Later her ancestor Paul Penisman helped overthrow America and allowed a new one world government to take over. Once America was conquered it was revealed to all be a plot by the Vatican and he is told by a priest that he cannot be trusted. Their fear was he would revolt against them, so they told him not to overthink it and sentenced him to death. The new government had him executed and his soul was banished to Hell. Unknown to the priests and revolutionaries, Paul had a son.
Henry Penisman witnessed his father being killed and swore to avenge him. It is unknown what happened to his mother, but she was presumed to have died thus leaving him an orphan. The young boy traveled the world honing his physical and mental skills. He became strong enough to leap through glass without a single scrape, and clever enough to change people's ideologies in an instant. At some point he also started to warship an entity known as the Mother Goddess, he started a religion around her that he would instill upon his followers. Once he was trained enough he gathered an army and made plans to overthrow the Pope. He made billions by selling free drugs and used those billions to fund his personal army. Soon he was powerful enough to storm the Vatican overthrow the Pope. With him out of the way Henry declared himself the leader of Earth. Under his rulership nearly everyone became gay, it is unknown how he did this but he did. He also had people move to square houses with numbers on top and filled the schools with his cronies. Those cronies were to call him Harold Peinsman since he believed it sounded more official than Henry.
Over his long career as ruler of the world, he set in motion a number of radical and sinister policies. First, he installed a puppet group of leaders who would appear to make all decisions from Rome while he orchestrated from the background. Under his rule the rights of children were expanded to the point where they could have their parents sent to a concentration camp on a single accusation. Said children were brainwashed into becoming Secular Wicken Hindu Nazis. These Secular Wicken Hindu Nazis made up much of his army and government. These new Secular Wicken Hindu Nazis were trained to be vegans, though they are known to make hollow threats of cannibalism. He also expanded his "free drugs" program and made sure there were free drugs supplied to the masses. He was described as being very liberal with Vicodin, and a habitual user of PCP. As mentioned before he also had concentration camps and torture centers set up to contend with any and all who would oppose him. Aside from torturing facilities, he also set up science centers where he found a way to travel back in time. Not wanting to change the future he only did small things. In one notable instance, he sells the Devil poisoned roofies to give to the grand daughter of his archenemy, random old woman. Some time into his rule he gained a long scar over his right eye he got form field work as well as dick play, mostly dick play.
When the story takes place his puppet leaders had just outlawed Christianity on threat of execution. When he shows up in the story proper he is on one of his routine school visits where he tells the kids they can get a big reward if they sell out any Christians or other heretics. He told one kid that the heretics had an illness that would be treated with sodomy, "If you love your job you never work a day in your life." The child turned them in and Harold got a hold of the boy's grandfather. He tried to get him to reveal his secrets but the man would not budge. Harold is caught off guard when one of the torturers threatens cannibalism, saying he will eat no man. The guard tells him that he is just trying to scare the guy before giving up on him and having him tortured more. Later, the man's son Paul, his sister, and her husband flee to a cabin. Paul sells them out to Harold at his head quarters. He is revealed to have a desk that says "free drugs" and has a picture of a large house behind him. Paul sells them out and Harold assures Paul that he is a man of honor and he will be payed in white gold (seamen). In under an hour Harold attacks the cabin with a helicopter and armed soldiers who are told to "shoot to kill". Harold himself jumps through the window of the cabin, having taken some PCP a short time prior. He is angered to find the two have vanished. He and his men figure they were just nudists when they find only their cloths on the ground. He says if he knew they were nudists he would have been mad, since with them anyone does not need to whip the dick out, they just expect it. Unknown to him, the rapture had hit.
Sometime after the cabin attack the end of the world took place and Harold's empire fell. Legions of angels and demons waged war on one another for the fate of the world. With nowhere else to go he hopped on the time machine and escaped to the past. Being as clever as ever he was able to to become rich again by selling free drugs and gaining large amounts of liquid capital. Despite his success he was still down on his luck compared to where he once was. He was shown to be auditioning for plays and trying to bribe his way into them using said liquid capital. The particular one he went to had security, and he was escorted out while shouting "Harold Penisman will rise again!".
|Chick Tracts Villains|