Hello. My name is Dr. Hildegard Lanstrom and I am quite, quite mad.
~ Dr. Lanstrom
Schopenhauer was right, wouldn't you say? Life without pain has no meaning. Gentlemen I wish to give your lives meaning.
~ Dr. Lanstrom to the crew
I have a riddle for you. What's dead and dead and dead all over? Yoooooouuuu!
~ Dr. Lanstrom to Rimmer
Twinkle twinkle little eye, now it's time for you to die.
~ Dr. Lanstrom to the crew

Doctor Hildegard Lanstrom is the secondary antagonist from the Red Dwarf episode Quarantine. She used to be talented scientist who was looking for positive virus. However, she is a hologram, so she got the holo-virus and became the insane killing machine. She speaks in heavy German accent.

She is portrayed by Maggie Steed.


Hildegard Lanstrom creates a hypothesis on there being two kinds of virus: positive and negative. The negative ones are already well-known as flu or rabies. Her goal is to find some positive viruses which "promote an unaccountable feeling of well being and happiness". She is also able to isolate several positive strains of viruses such as Inspiration, Charisma, Sexual Magnetism and Felicitus Populi or Luck.

Unfortunately, while her stay in the scientific research center on one ice planet, she gets the holo-virus and becomes insane, as she is the hologram. The virus also stimulates areas of her brain which were normally inaccessible. As the virus needs so much energy it drains her life-force. That is the reason why she puts herself into the stasis pod. Before that, she releases the call into space.

Some time later, the Red Dwarf crew receives the call and decides to land on the ice planet. They hope the doctor will be useful for them, much to Rimmer's anger, because Holly can sustain only one hologram, so it is impossible for Rimmer and Doctor Lanstrom to be on the board in the same time. The rest of the crew ignores his complaint and lands on the planet with Starbug. They then ask him to return to Red Dwarf so they can use his remote projection to save the doctor.

When Lister, the Cat and Kryten enter the laboratory, they open the statis pod with the doctor, only to find out Hildegard Lanstrom is completely insane. She attacks them with electrical bolts produced from her eyes and the crew has to flee, dropping their radio. She then picks up it telekinetically and speaks to Rimmer abroad Starbugs via it. She gives him a riddle what is "dead and dead and dead all over". The right answer is Rimmer. When his radio blows up and the bolts even hit him, he decides to return to the ship, leaving his friends alone on the planet.

Back to the laboratory, Doctor Lanstrom finally corners the rest of the crew and is about to kill them with her hex vision. Luckily, she then burns out her remaining life-force and dies. The happy crew leaves the laboratory Kryten takes several vials of positive viruses with him for study. However, they probably get the holo-virus. As they aren't holograms, nothing happens to them, but they mistakenly pass it on Rimmer when they return to the ship, although they are in the quarantine.

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