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| “ | My name is Jesus Jackson ... and I don't take shit off nobody! | „ |
| ~ Jesus Jackson |
Jesus Jackson (formerly Christ) is a semi-recurring villain from the Comedy Central animated series, Brickleberry, most prominently featured in the show's comic book franchise, Armoogeddon. He is an alternate timeline's version of Jesus Christ, where, he was kidnapped by Denzel when he was born and raised to be a villain.
Biography[]
Brickleberry[]
In "Miracle Lake", Woody became a religious leader and had a statue of Jesus at his church. First, he had a historically accurate statue, depicting Jesus as a Middle Eastern man but Woody ranted and complained and demanded it be replaced with a Caucasian, blond-haired, blue-eyed Jesus.
In "Cops and Bottoms", Woody had a hemorrhoid on his ass that looked like Jesus Christ and people started worshipping it and treating it like a religious figure. Malloy used a voice modulation app to impersonate Jesus' voice and trick Woody into believing it was actually a sign from Jesus. In the end, it came to light that Woody's ass pimple was just a normal ass pimple only for it to be revealed later that it was actually Satan. Just then, Jesus appeared in the church to give him some ass cream to quench the Satanic hemorrhoid.
In "Global Warning", Woody told Ethel the story of Jesus Christ, which was completely nonsensical. He said that in the year 2015 B.C., dinosaurs roamed the Earth before Jesus came down in a ball of fire and killed them all. Later, Jesus gave oil to republicans and high-fived with Billy Long.
Armoogeddon[]
On the date of December 25, 0000, Jesus Christ was born to The Virgin Mary. Shortly after his birth, he was kidnapped by the time-travelling black guy, Denzel Jackson, who raised him as his own and had him use his powers for evil.
In the year 0006, Denzel had Jesus use his magical powers to poof up weed and alcohol for him. Denzel taught Jesus horrible manners such as "Don't ever help sick people. They nasty as Hell." and "Love thyself. Fuck thy neighbor." A group of bullies came up to Jesus and made fun of him but Jesus turned the other cheek. Denzel told Jesus that instead of forgiving his bullies he should fight back. Jesus was hesitant to do so but he punched one of his bullies straight through a stone wall with his magical fist. Denzel was proud of him but Jesus was ashamed of himself.
In 0007, Denzel had Jesus fighting people in the collesseum, betting thousands of pieces of silver on him winning. Jesus, unsure if it was the right thing to do, fought with a bunch of people and killed them, making his father rich.
Jesus asked Denzel where his powers cameo from and Denzel lied about his backstory, saying he was an alien from a planet called Crip-Tun, which was doomed, so his true father, Stoney Fark, put him on a capsule and sent him to Earth, where he landed in a centrifuge full of gamma rays, radioactive spiders, and green goblin serum, giving him his powers. Denzel then adopted him and then gave him more powers by giving him an adamantium skeleton and replacing his heart with an arc reactor.
In 0016, Jesus was a rebellious teenager, who disrespected his father. Jesus came home way late with two girls on his arms, saying that he got arrested for drunk donkey-riding and crashing his equid into a synagogue. Denzel recapped that this was the fourth donkey he totalled this month and warned him that he'd get locked away for good but Jesus said that he had godike strength so they'd never be able to contain him. Denzel threatened to punish Jesus but Jesus used his magical powers to force Denzel to whip himself in the face with a bicycle chain.
Jesus later found a bible from the future timeline where Denzel originally came from and read about how he was actually supposed to be a good guy, who got crucified. This became a turning point in Jesus' life as he now understood his true destiny in life and learned that his dad was holding him back from what he was really meant to do. Jesus berated his father for lying to him all his life and then went to follow his true destiny as a hero and fled to Golgotha, where he would wilfully get cricified.
In the year 0033, Jesus was on the cricifix, ready to die for everyone's (especially his own) sins but Denzel came by to try and save him. He was stopped by the Romans, who attacked him. Jesus witnesses his dad being attacked and was so mad that he broke free from his crucifix and started brutally slaughtering the Romans.
In the year 2015, The Bouvine Overlord and his army of Alien Cows were taking over the world and destroying everybody. Jesus and Denzel time-traveled to this moment in time to save the world by joining forced with Brickleberry National Park in fighting the alien cows, making it so that Jesus, in a way, had lived up to his goal of becoming a good person, albeit an anti-villain.
Trivia[]
- Despite taking place in the same universe, Jesus' appearance, personality, and role in Brickleberry/Armoogeddon greatly differs from his character in Paradise P.D..
