|“||Oh, I think you're gonna love it! It's just like summer camp, except with brutal forced marches and soul-crushing discipline.||„|
|~ Larry Quinn to Conrad about military school.|
Lawrence "Larry" Quinn is the main antagonist of the 2003 live action film adaptation of Dr Seuss' The Cat in the Hat and the 2003 video game based on it. He is the Waldens' pompous neighbor whose goal is to marry Joan Walden for her wealth and get rid of her son Conrad by sending him to military school. He is also the arch-nemesis of the Cat and Conrad.
He was portrayed by Alec Baldwin, who also played Fred Frenger Junior in Miami Blues, Jed Hill in Malice, Dennis in Nickelodeon's The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, Makunga in DreamWorks' Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa, Mark Cordell in The Juror, Nick Kudrow in Mercury Rising, and Donald Trump in Saturday Night Live.
Briefly appearing modest, Larry poses as a real estate agent to set himself up as the ideal boyfriend to Joan. In reality, however, he is an unemployed deadbeat living in financial debt. It's also shown that he truly doesn’t love Joan, and is just using her as a pawn in his scheme to gain an easier lifestyle by gaining money through marriage, and cares little for her feelings. He also dislikes being called Larry.
Larry has very poor manners, such as belching in front of others and is too work-shy to work for a living, sitting around his home watching television. He has an appetite (using a girdle to cover up his large gut, much to his discomfort) and poor hygiene, evidenced by having false teeth and filthy laundry and dishware around his home.
Larry is also shown to be a vain and pompous hypocrite, as he compliments himself as "perfect", despite being a nasty slob. He also has a manipulative side, which he constantly uses on Joan to get her to concur with him.
He dislikes Conrad as he thinks of him as a foolish kid and a rule-breaker who will never amount to anything in life. He is also very uncaring; at first, he suggested to send Conrad into military school to straighten up his discourteous behavior, but it turns out that he only wants to do it to get rid of him. It's possible that he also dislikes Conrad's sister Sally and pet dog Nevins (along with other children and animals), calling the former a "suck up" for her sycophant faithfulness to her mother and views the latter an insignificant animal, and even attempting to catch them in trouble with Joan as well. This shows he wants to dispense with Joan of her family so he can maintain control of her and her money.
Larry ends up making a fool of himself after trying to turn Joan against her kids; the only result is a disgusted Joan dumping him for his actions.
The Cat in the Hat (film)
Larry first appears posing as a real estate agent, returning Joan's dog Nevins to her after Conrad gets into trouble for messing up the house. He believes the disobedient boy should be sent to military school to discipline him, though Joan, despite Conrad's misbehavior, is unsure and believes it's not right for him. Conrad overhears his conversation with his mother (along with the attempted manipulation), saying he is not going to military school. Larry immediately displays his arrogance by verbally abusing Conrad before reverting to his facade when sensing Joan's returning presence. He then leaves, claiming to have a meeting, though Conrad spots him exiting his car and returning to his house after Joan has driven away from sight.
Later on, Larry confronts Conrad and Sally jumping on their couch. He exposes his true colors by calling Sally a "suck-up". He then shows his gross and greedy side by stealing some beer and bread and burping into their faces, much to their disgust. He leaves when his allergy to cat dander surfaces after the Cat in the Hat's fur falls near him.
Larry is later revealed as a rude, disgusting, careless, and overweight slob with dentures and poor hygiene. Unable to pay off his debts, he lives in financial ruin, so he poses as a real estate agent to get Joan's approval and hand in marriage in order to obtain her wealth and mooch off her from earlier in the film. As several repo men arrive to repossess his TV, much to his dismay, after he fails to bribe them with an expired credit card as they leave, he notices Nevins running on the streets again and sees this as an opportunity to get the kids in trouble, finally realizing his goals. He calls Joan on the phone and reports this. Larry brings up the early discussion of military school, to which she reluctantly considers. When her boyfriend just hangs up after a less than empathetic response to her feelings on the matter, Joan grows suspicious of Larry and begins to doubt him, suspecting he might have ulterior motives.
Larry drags Nevins to his car, planning to deliver him to Joan, but Nevins whizzes on his taco as revenge for kidnapping him.
In a deleted scene, while the Cat, Sally and Conrad pursue Larry with Nevins kidnapped, he encounters the repo truck, as well as the repo men from earlier take his repossessed TV into a TV shop called Safari Sam's. While Larry strikes a deal with the TV salesman about using Joan's money for a new TV, the Cat, Sally, and Conrad manage to rescue Nevins, but were almost caught by Larry, so the Cat disguises himself as an animal rug. While Larry starts his deal, the Cat tries to hold in his painful suffering, but when he sees a guy on a pogo stick, the Cat couldn't take it anymore and knocks down the employees and Larry. Larry, angry by this, pursues the Cat, the kids, and Nevins out of the TV store and back into the street.
Larry arrives at Joan's office to deliver Nevins to her. But the Cat (posing as a hippie) tricks him into giving Nevins back to the kids. Larry soon realizes the deception after seeing Conrad, Sally, and the Cat scamper off with Nevins as they attempt to hurry home. The Cat drags Larry into his secret place, located in a telephone booth, and manages to get him lost. Unable to find them after exiting, Larry goes back over to Joan’s office and convince her to go back to the house with him to ensure that her kids were up to no good, constantly nagging her to hurry home. However, they get pulled over by Thing 1 and Thing 2 (posing as police officers).
Seeing the trio in his car, Larry decides to take matters into his own hands by stealing one of the Thing's motorcycles to drive to Joan's house himself and tells her to meet him there while the two Things distract Joan. There, he catches the kids and plans to have them punished by their mother after Conrad tries to warn Larry not to go inside the house as it is complete mess, but Larry cuts him off and escorts the two inside and is surprised to see that the house is clean. At that point, the Cat personally appears to startle Larry, who sneezes and staggers into a wall. He screams "JUDAS PRIEST" while falling off a cliff and down in a purple river, revealing a bizarre dimension known as The Mother of all Messes.
Upset by the turn of events and that house being ruined, Conrad and Sally angrily dismiss the Cat by making him leave the damaged house, and decide to take full responsibility for what happened and face punishment from their mother. Fortunately, the Cat and the Things fix and clean up the house magically to its original state (much to the kids’ delight). In the meantime, Larry is revealed to have survived the fall. He's covered in purple slime after being flushed from the house through a small pipe. Recovering, a last dosage of sludge splashes on his face, greatly grossing him.
After the Cat and the Things have left, Joan returns home to a clean house and warm greetings from her kids and Mrs. Kwan before being startled by Larry (who's covered in purple slime). Seething with anger, Larry storms in exacting his vengeance on Conrad and Sally; he hysterically explains the events that occurred, but Joan finds them hard to believe. He tells her she's missing a perfect opportunity and asks her who she'll believe. Joan admits that, while Conrad's behavior can go to the point that she could rip her hair off in frustration, she deems he's a good kid and believes in him.
No longer susceptible to his manipulations, Joan dumps Larry and demands he leave her home. He can only snivel her name as she rips the military school brochure in half and plasters it on his sticky chest, and he breaks down in tears before falling on his knees; he soon catches a sneeze in his hands and leaving a snot trail between his nose and hands, much to Joan's repulse. Larry tries to make a desperate marriage proposal, but Joan rejects him for his disgusting nature, and she and Sally finally close the door on him as he's heard sobbing in defeat.
It's unknown what happened to Larry afterwards, though another deleted scene shows him exiting the porch while spotting Nevins licking off a purple goo splotch on the walkway. Angered at having lost his chance at a life of luxury, Larry attempts to kick the dog out of spite against the Waldens. To his surprise, the purple goo transforms Nevins into a larger dog and allows him to fight back by ripping Larry's pants off, much to his embarrassment. Nevins then chases a frightened Larry away while several repo men tow away Larry's car.
It's likely presumed Larry will eventually be homeless unless he finds true employment.
The Cat in the Hat (video game)
Larry has taken the lock from the crate and decided to unleash the mother of all messes in the house. The Cat helped get rid of Larry and lock up the crate.
- Don Johnson, the late Albert Finney, the late Burt Reynolds, Joe Pesci, Danny DeVito, Christopher McDonald and Peter Greene were considered for the role of Larry Quinn before Alec Baldwin was cast, most likely because Baldwin was younger.
- Larry has trophies and awards in his living room. It's likely that they are there because he was successful or good at something when younger, but his laziness, greed, and arrogance got to him.
- Some fans believe he most likely ended up in jail after causing a civil disturbance due to the deleted scene when Nevins chases him away.
- While Larry Quinn can be fought in the first playthrough of the video game, his boss battles in subsequent tries have him replaced with the Things.
- Coinciding with the movie's poor performance and reviews from both critics and audiences, Alec Baldwin was nominated for the Worst Supporting Actor.