| “ | Oh, I think you're gonna love it! It's just like summer camp, except with brutal forced marches and soul-crushing discipline. | „ |
| ~ Larry Quinn to Conrad about military school. |
Lawrence "Larry" Quinn is the main antagonist of the 2003 live-action film adaptation of Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat and the 2003 video game based on it.
He's the Waldens' pompous next-door neighbor whose goal is to marry Joan Walden for her wealth and get rid of her son Conrad by sending him to military school. He is also the arch-nemesis of the Cat and Conrad.
He was portrayed by Alec Baldwin, who also played Fred Frenger Junior in Miami Blues, Jed Hill in Malice, Dennis in The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, Makunga in DreamWorks' Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa, Mark Cordell in The Juror, Nick Kudrow in Mercury Rising, Blake in Glengarry Glen Ross, and Donald Trump in Saturday Night Live.
Personality
Briefly appearing modest, Larry poses as a salesman to set himself up as the ideal boyfriend to Joan. In reality, however, he’s an unemployed deadbeat living in financial debt. It's also shown that he truly doesn’t love Joan, and is just using her to gain an easier lifestyle. He also has a manipulative side, which he constantly uses on Joan to get her to concur with him.
Larry has very bad manners, such as belching in front of others and is too lazy to work for a living, sitting around his home watching television. He has an appetite (using a corset to cover up his large stomach, much to his discomfort) and poor hygiene, evidenced by having dentures, dirty laundry and dishes around his home. Despite his laziness, he is ambitious and opportunistic, taking Nevins' second escape as a chance to incriminate Conrad's irresponsibility. As his goals were looking successful, Larry became more controlling towards Joan and very uncaring of her feelings about sending her son away. Larry is also shown to be a vain and pompous hypocrite, as he compliments himself as "perfect", despite his careless decision to remain impoverished than to seek employment.
He hates Conrad as he thinks of him as a troublemaking kid and a rule-breaker who’ll never amount to anything in life. At first, he suggested to send Conrad into military school to straighten up his bad behavior, but it turns out that he only wants to do it to get rid of him. It's possible that he also hates Conrad's sister Sally and pet dog Nevins (along with other children and animals), calling the former a "suck up" for her sycophant faithfulness to her mother and views the latter an insignificant animal, and even attempting to catch them in trouble with Joan as well. This shows he wants to get rid of not only Conrad, but also Joan's entire family so only he can benefit from her money.
In the end, Larry ends up making a complete fool of himself after trying to turn Joan against her kids, with the only result being a disgusted Joan finally dumping and kicking him out for his actions.
Biography
The Cat in the Hat
Larry first appears posing as a business man, returning Joan's dog Nevins to her after Conrad gets into trouble for messing up the house. He believes the disobedient boy should be sent to military school to discipline him, though Joan, despite Conrad's misbehavior, is unsure and believes it's not right for him. Conrad overhears his conversation with his mother (along with the attempted manipulation), saying he isn’t going to military school. Larry immediately displays his arrogance by verbally abusing Conrad before reverting to his jolly façade when sensing Joan coming back into hearing range. He then leaves, claiming to have a meeting, though Conrad spots him exiting his car and returning to his house after Joan has driven away from sight.
Later on, Larry sneaks into the Walden household and sees Conrad and Sally jumping on their couch. He exposes his true colors by calling Sally a "suck-up". He then shows his crude mannerisms by stealing some beer and bread and burping in their faces, much to their disgust. He leaves when his allergy to cat dander surfaces after the Cat in the Hat's fur falls near him.
Larry is later revealed as a lazy, overweight slob in debt. Carelessly refusing to employ himself, he poses as a real estate agent to get Joan's approval and hand in marriage from earlier in the film in order to mooch off her wealth. As several repo men arrive to repossess his TV, much to his dismay after he fails to bribe them with an expired credit card, and leave, he notices Nevins running on the streets again and sees this as an opportunity to get the kids in trouble. He calls Joan on the phone to reports this and brings up his early suggestion of military school, to which she reluctantly considers. Larry quickly hangs up; his indifference leaving his girlfriend with reservations on her decision as well as suspicion of his intentions.
Larry drags Nevins to his car, planning to deliver him to Joan, but Nevins whizzes on his taco as revenge for kidnapping him.
In a deleted scene, while the Cat, Sally and Conrad pursue Larry with Nevins kidnapped, he encounters the repo truck, as well as the repo men from earlier take his repossessed TV into a TV shop called Safari Sam's. While Larry strikes a deal with the TV salesman about using Joan's money for a new TV, the Cat, Sally and Conrad manage to rescue Nevins, but were almost caught by Larry, so the Cat disguises himself as an animal rug. While Larry starts his deal, the Cat tries to hold in his painful suffering, but when he sees a guy on a pogo stick, the Cat couldn't take it anymore and knocks down the employees and Larry. Larry, angry by this, pursues the Cat, the kids, and Nevins out of the TV store and back into the street.
Larry arrives at Joan's office to deliver Nevins to her. But the Cat (disguised as a hippie) tricks him into giving Nevins back to the kids. Larry soon realizes the deception after seeing Conrad, Sally and the Cat scamper off with Nevins as they attempt to hurry home. The Cat drags Larry into his secret place, located in a telephone booth and manages to get him lost. Unable to find them after exiting, Larry goes back over to Joan’s office and convince her to go back to the house with him to ensure that her kids were up to no good, constantly nagging her to hurry home. However, they get pulled over by Thing 1 and Thing 2 (disguised as police officers).
Seeing the trio in his car, Larry decides to take matters into his own hands by hijacking the Thing's police motorcycle to drive to Joan's house himself and tells her to meet him there while the two Things distract Joan. There, he catches the kids and plans to have them punished by their mother after Conrad tries to warn Larry not to go inside the house as it is complete mess, but Larry cuts him off and escorts the two inside and is surprised to see that the house is clean. At that point, the Cat personally appears to startle Larry, who sneezes and staggers into a wall. He screams "JUDAS PRIEST" while falling off a cliff and down in a purple river, revealing a bizarre dimension known as The Mother of all Messes.
Upset by the turn of events and that house being ruined, Conrad and Sally angrily dismiss the Cat by making him leave the damaged house, and decide to take full responsibility for what happened and face punishment from their mother. Fortunately, the Cat and the Things fix and clean up the house magically to its original state (much to the kids’ delight). In the meantime, Larry is revealed to have survived his doom. He's covered in purple slime after being flushed from the house through a small sewer pipe. Recovering, a last dosage of sludge splashes on his face, greatly grossing him.
After the Cat and the Things have left, Joan returns home to a clean house and warm greetings from her kids and Mrs. Kwan before being startled by Larry's slimy appearance. Seething with anger, Larry storms in exacting his vengeance on Conrad and Sally; he hysterically explains the events that occurred, but Joan finds them hard to believe. He tells her she's missing a perfect opportunity and asks her who she'll believe. Joan admits that, despite Conrad's recklessness, she deems he's a good kid and believes in him.
Resolute in her decision, Joan asks Larry to leave and never come back (she also plans to call the police if he sets foot on her property again, he'll have him arrested for trespassing). He can only whimper her name as she rips the military school brochure in half and plasters it on his sticky chest, and he breaks down in tears before falling on his knees and soon catches a sneeze in his hands, much to Joan's displeasure. Larry tries to propose, but Joan silently rejects him as she and Sally finally close the door on him as he's heard sobbing in defeat and failure.
It's unknown what happened to Larry afterwards, though another deleted scene shows him exiting the porch while spotting Nevins licking off a purple goo splotch on the walkway. Angered at having lost his chance at a life of luxury, Larry attempts to kick the dog out of spite against the Waldens. To his surprise, the purple goo transforms Nevins into a larger dog and allows him to fight back by ripping Larry's pants off, much to his shock and embarrassment. Nevins then chases a frightened Larry away while the repo men witnessing nonchalantly tow away his car. It's most likely Larry will eventually be homeless from continued unemployment or in jail by the authorities for civic disturbances.
Video game
Larry has taken the lock from the crate and decided to unleash the mother of all messes in the house. The Cat helped get rid of Larry and lock up the crate.
Quotes
| “ | Knock, knock, knock. Someone lose a dog? | „ |
| ~ Larry after returning Nevins to the Walden house. |
| “ | Hey, sport. Call me "Lawrence", okay? | „ |
| ~ Larry to Conrad when he's first greeted as "Larry". |
| “ | The military academy for troubled youth is what we salesmen call a win-win scenario. | „ |
| ~ Larry trying to convince Joan to get Conrad into military school. |
| “ | It's only eight hours away. | „ |
| ~ Larry telling Joan not to worry about how far military school is for Conrad. |
| “ | (Conrad: I heard what you said. I'm not going to military school, Larry!) Look, buddy, I know I'm not your dad. And this is probably really strange for you, you know. Your neighbor's dating your mom. But here's the thing, son. I don't like you either. But I'm gonna marry your mom. | „ |
| ~ Larry admitting how he really feels about Conrad and his intentions towards Joan. |
| “ | And if it was up to me, you'd be in military school today. | „ |
| ~ Larry vowing to send Conrad off to military school as punishment. |
| “ | Sally, baby, angel, princess, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, okay..... NOBODY LIKES A SUCK-UP!! | „ |
| ~ Larry showing his true colors to Sally. |
| “ | Good bread. | „ |
| ~ Larry eating Sally and Conrad's food without their permission and belching loudly, much to their disgust. |
| “ | Is there a cat in here? | „ |
| ~ Larry sneezing from the Cat in the Hat (who is clinging to the ceiling above him) shedding his fur. |
| “ | You’re repossessing my TV? | „ |
| ~ Larry as the repo men arrive to repossess his TV he was watching. |
| “ | You know, Nevins, when Joan finds out you've escaped again, Conrad will be moving out and I'll be moving in. | „ |
| ~ Larry verbally abusing the pet dog Nevins about his plans for the Walden family. |
| “ | {Salesman: Welcome to the jungle! Want to buy the big one today? Larry: Don't do that. I want to talk to you about this TV. Salesman: Oh no sir, you don't want that one. We just repossessed it from some deadbeat. {Ironically referring to Larry} Uh, maybe I can show you a big screen. Larry: Yeah, all I can afford. Wait! Wait! What if I told you I want to put a little down now, somewhere in the two to four dollar range, and come back, and then pay off the whole thing in two weeks? Salesman: Are you planning on winning the lottery? Larry: Even better. I'm going to ask my girlfriend to marry me. Salesman: Wonderful. Larry: Thanks to this dog, her brat kid's gonna be shipped off to military school and I'm gonna turn his bedroom into a home theater. Show me the biggest screen you've got. | „ |
| ~ Larry strikes a deal with a salesman at the TV store while bragging about his evil plans in a deleted scene. |
| “ | I can't believe you whizzed on my taco! Wait till Joan gets a load of you! | „ |
| ~ Larry getting angry at Nevins for urinating on his food out of revenge. |
| “ | COME BACK HERE!! I'm on to you, kids!! | „ |
| ~ Larry chasing Conrad and Sally after they get the Cat in the Hat to trick him into handing over Nevins. |
| “ | Not so fast, you little maggots! Oh, you are SO busted. Now get inside. (Conrad: Trust me, You don't want to go in there. It's going to be a total...) (cutting him off) Aah! | „ |
| ~ Larry ambushing Conrad and Sally at their house and prepared to have them punished. |
| “ | Why am I sneezing? (Cat taps on Larry's shoulder. Larry turns around) (Cat: That'd be me. BOO! Hahaha!) You're a GIANT... (sneezes more)...... CAAAAT!!! (falls off a cliff) JUDAS PRIEEEST! | „ |
| ~ Larry meeting the Cat in the Hat in person while sneezing before falling into the Cat's world. |
| “ | Hello, Joan. (Joan: Lawrence, what happened to you?) They happened to me: your demonic children. THEY DESTROYED YOUR HOUSE!! The house was alive, the wall was made of paper, I fell off a cliff.... and THE GIANT CAT!! The giant cat! Tell her. (Conrad: Larry, Larry, you look terrible, and my mom thinks you're insane. This... is what we in sales call... a win-win scenario.) Joan, you're passing off the opportunity of a lifetime, you know what kind of kid your boy is! I mean, who are you going to believe?! (Joan: You're right. I do know what kind of kid Conrad is. He can be irresponsible...) Yes! (Joan:... he makes bad choices....) Yes! (Joan:.... sometimes he makes me want to tear my hair out....) Yes! Yes! Yes! (Joan: ...but he's a good kid, and I believe in him. Now, I'd like you to leave.) Wha.. Joan?! | „ |
| ~ Larry unsuccessfully trying to get Joan to believe him instead of her kids. |
| “ | Will you marry me, Joan? Oh, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan! (sobs as the door closes on him) | „ |
| ~ Larry before he's rejected by a disgusted Joan and kicked out of the Waldens' home. |
| “ | Hold still while I kick the tar out of YOU! (Nevins growls and barks as he transforms into a bigger dog) AAH!! Oh! AAH! LET GO!! LET GO OF MY LEG!!! AAH!!! | „ |
| ~ Larry's last words as he's being chased away by a large Nevins while attempting to kick him out of rage in a deleted scene. |
Gallery
Trivia
- Will Ferrell, Don Johnson, the late Albert Finney, the late Burt Reynolds, Joe Pesci, Danny DeVito, and Peter Greene were all considered for the role before Alec Baldwin was cast, most likely because Baldwin was younger.
- Larry has trophies and awards in his living room. It's likely that they are there because he was successful or good at something when younger, but his laziness, greed, and arrogance got to him.
- Some fans believe he most likely ended up in jail after causing a civil disturbance due to the deleted scene when Nevins chases him away.
- While Larry Quinn can be fought in the first playthrough of the video game, his boss battles in subsequent tries have him replaced with the Things.
- Coinciding with the movie's poor performance and reviews from both critics and audiences, Alec Baldwin was nominated for the Worst Supporting Actor award at the Golden Raspberries.
- It’s revealed that Larry is allergic to cats. When he goes into Joan’s house to make himself a sandwich some of the Cat in the Hat’s fur lands on him and he starts sneezing.
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