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| “ | This is all I have now, Carson...lies, marketing, and the Retconn way... | „ |
| ~ Milkman Man to Cave Carson |
Milkman Man is a supporting antagonist of the 2018 Doom Patrol crossover arc "Milk Wars", which consisted of JLA/Doom Patrol Special #1, Mother Panic/Batman Special #1, Shade, the Changing Girl/Wonder Woman Special #1, Cave Carson has a Cybernetic Eye/Swamp Thing Special #1, and Doom Patrol/JLA Special #1, although he was conceived during the events of Doom Patrol Vol. 6 #9.
He is an Retconn-branded clone of Superman, created to help the transdimensional corporation "sanitize" Earth to a more market-friendly state. Physically, Milkman Man is identical to Superman, but wears a stereotypical white milkman's uniform with a white cape.
Biography[]
Past[]
Milkman Man was created when two women who "don't exist", namely Casey Brinke (a comic book character brought to life by a sentient street named Danny) and Terry None (daughter of Mister Nobody), kissed. Terry would spontaneously go into labor and give birth to 'nothing,' an entity that was promptly stolen away by Retconn, only remembering Terry screaming.
Retconn, a multiversal corporation that hijacked and altered realities to entertain enigmatic universe-killing gods, took the newly-formed being to their headquarters in Final Heaven. As their conventional entertainment schemes had been thwarted by the Doom Patrol, a team of misfit metahumans, Retconn sought to instead sell the entire reality of Prime Earth in a bid to save their company. To do this, they sought to alter the 'schematics' of the universe's premier heroes- Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman- to homogenize Earth to their corporate standards, only to find that they could not alter Superman in any way. As such, the corporation instead created a Retconn-branded copy of the Kryptonian hero by combining the nothing entity with the very archetype of Superman, turning him into a genetic copy of Superman named Milkman Man.
Milkman Man was promptly injected with false memories, before being shot in a rocket to Happy Harbor, Rhode Island, where Final Heaven intersected with Earth. Milkman Man thus thought that he was sent as a baby to Earth from a 'doomed corporation' and raised by a man named Marty F. Magiebell III, the owner of Maggie Bell Milk, which employed Milkman Man as their milk deliveryman. Most importantly, Milkman Man believed that it was his duty to deliver his reality-altering milk to everyone, no matter what force he had to use, to create a homogenized and supposedly happy, corporate-branded world full of nutrition and family values. However, Milkman Man's supposed upbringing with Magiebell seemed very strict and possibly abusive, as Magiebell insisted that men should never cry, that Milkman Man must never disappoint him, that girls can't be trusted, and that it was always alright to hit a woman.
To begin Retconn's plan, Milkman Man promptly took over Happy Harbor, beginning by invading Sanctuary, where Batman had created his own Justice League team. Breaking into the structure, Milkman Man swiftly overpowered the League and force-fed them milk faster than they could react, altering their histories and personalities to turn them into the Community League of Rhode Island- the neighborhood watch of Happy Harbor, modeled after seemingly idyllic 1950's-esque standards. This converted Batman to a priest who worshipped milk, and turned Wonder Woman into Wonder Wife, who embodied the traditional housewife and only did things for her husband, Steve Trevor. Milkman Man then converted the rest of Happy Harbor's citizens into this homogenized state, making them addicted to the milk and making daily resupply rounds. Additionally, Milkman Man would sometimes leave the citizens with a strange, immobile, bovine-derived creature to generate even more milk, only referring to these creatures as "grandmothers," and would replace the grandmothers if something were to happen to them.
Milk Wars[]
One day, Milkman Man was making his rounds around Happy Harbor, arriving at the residence of the Fox family. Meeting Gardy Fox outside, Milkman Man cheerfully greeted him and announced that he was making a special delivery, before abruptly force-feeding the milk to Gardy, then entering the house and force-feeding the milk to Gardy's wife and children with the same unsettlingly upbeat demeanor. After making the family pass out from all the milk poured into them at once, keeping them in Retconn's control, Milkman Man left them with a grandmother and moved on to the next home.
As Retconn negotiated the sale of Earth to their client, Manga Khan, Milkman Man then noticed a commotion in the streets- the Doom Patrol had arrived in Danny the Street (now converted to Danny the Ambulance), and had gotten into a fight with the Community League at the Fox property. Milkman Man joined the Community League in fighting the Doom Patrol, which included Casey Brinke. Milkman Man first grabbed and threw Danny the Ambulance while shouting that the town's kids would be raised only on Maggie Bell milk, before engaging Casey. Milkman Man found that Casey was always slightly faster than him, making him exasperated as she kept dodging his punches and heat vision. However, Casey, believing that Milkman Man was a mind-altered Superman, tried to reason with him by saying that Retconn was wrongfully altering people's lives by using Milkman Man as their agent. Milkman Man, who genuinely believed he was simply serving and protecting Happy Harbor, rebuked her by saying he was trying to save the world from 'strange-os'.
However, as the fight continued, one member of the Doom Patrol, Crazy Jane, switched to one of her alternate personalities- the artist Hangman's Beautiful Daughter, who had the power to activate all art, including the very comic book the story was taking place in. Activating this power exposed the Community League to their own continuities, undoing Retconn's tampering over them and reverting them to their original state. However, Milkman Man, still fighting Casey, found that he was unable to recognize the story of Superman, instead seeing his own fake origin superimposed over Superman's. Casey tried to tell Milkman Man about Superman, but Milkman Man's true memories came flooding back, remembering being born as nothing and then altered by Retconn to his current state. Casey, hearing Milkman Man say that he was nothing, suddenly realized that Milkman Man was the entity spawned by her and Terry's kiss, effectively making him Casey's son. Milkman Man fell to his knees and cried as he realized that his identity was a lie, Casey attempting to hug him, only for Milkman Man to see the restored JLA glaring at him, for they remembered him attacking them with milk. Milkman Man, distraught that everyone could see him in an emotionally vulnerable state, screamed for them to stop looking at him and promptly flew off at super-luminal speed, flying clean past the moon and seemingly out of the Solar System.
In truth, Milkman Man returned to Retconn headquarters in Final Heaven, still in shock from the revelation. He confronted the Retconn executives over this, and the executives admitted that Milkman Man was just an imperfect copy of Superman, yet they insisted that Milkman Man was their fake, and thus had a duty to protect the Retconn brand. Angered yet desperate for anything to latch onto for an identity, Milkman Man decided to stay in Retconn's service.
Soon, the Doom Patrol freed Batman and Wonder Woman from their own milk-induced alterations and broke into Retconn headquarters with the JLA, fighting their way through the various Retconn-branded monstrosities and minions in the facility. An ally of the heroes, Cave Carson, who had been previously captured and rewritten by Retconn, was abruptly freed by the creature Swamp Thing and severed the connection of Retconn's dreamers, humans whose dreams had been used to power their reality alterations. While the dreamers died upon being disconnected, their bodies were used to improvise a bomb that blew open a wall of the building, and as Swamp Thing escaped, Cave Carson stayed behind to take down the rest of the facility and ensure Retconn could never threaten the world again. As such, he turned himself over to Retconn's monstrous minions, who took him to Milkman Man.
Milkman Man quickly saw that Carson was missing an eye, namely his cybernetic eye, an advanced extradimensional robotic drone. Milkman Man thus tied Cave Carson up to a chair and used tortured him with heat vision, searing holes into Carson's body as Milkman Man demanded to know where the eye was. Carson merely scoffed at Milkman Man's intimidation attempts, noting that he had met the real Superman and learned how to make it through the toughest situations from the Man of Steel, who Milkman Man was nothing like. Milkman Man admitted that he was just a bad copy, but confessed that he had nothing left but the identity Retconn gave him, even if it was nothing more than lies and marketing. After popping one of Carson's ears, Milkman Man drilled Carson on how he knew about the corporation and the dreamers in the first place, but Carson responded to each question with a sarcastic remark. In retaliation, Milkman Man threatened to use Retconn's reality warping to kill Carson, reset him, and kill him again in a loop, only to be interrupted by Carson's cybernetic eye flying into the room, which he narrowly caught. Immediately afterwards, the JLA and Doom Patrol burst into the room, throwing Milkman Man back. The heroes all engaged him, but Milkman Man was able to push them all back while yelling that they shouldn't be there after seeing him cry. However, when Crazy Jane pointed out that Milkman Man was ultimately a victim of Retconn who needed the Doom Patrol's help, Milkman Man instead thought that they were trying to see him sink lower than Happy Harbor. Refusing to be called a victim, he flew at Cave Carson for a killing blow, only to be stopped by Wonder Woman.
As the two struggled, Wonder Woman- still seen as Wonder Wife by Milkman Man- attempted to reason with him again, saying that there was no shame in being manipulated and that Milkman Man deserved love that Retconn denied him. However, the increasingly hysterical Milkman Man instead summoned the Retconn Brand, an army of mutated bovine humanoids who engaged the League and Doom Patrol. JLA member Black Canary and Doom Patroller Flex Mentallo then took on Milkman Man, briefly restraining him as Canary noted how the Retconn Brand are literally the forces of the very power who enslaved Milkman Man, but Milkman Man claimed that while Retconn made him something he shouldn't be, he believed they were the only ones who would accept him. Defiantly shouting that he'll make a homogenized Earth, Milkman Man continued to fight the assorted heroes, once again getting into a struggle with Wonder Woman and demanding to speak to her husband, only for Casey to order Milkman Man to stop, calling him her son. Hearing himself be addressed as son, Milkman Man stopped fighting, allowing Casey to talk to him and admit she didn't know that she and Terry would conceive Milkman Man, regretting not being there to love him. Milkman Man once again tried to bring up his supposed father Magiebell, but Casey revealed that Magiebell was just another one of Retconn's creations to fill in Milkman Man's faked origin.
The fighting against Retconn's agents raged on around the building, but Milkman Man and Casey were left alone in the ruined offices, allowing them to sit down as Milkman Man told Casey what happened when he flew away from Happy Harbor. Casey implored Milkman Man to value his own existence and defend it, offering her hand to him, but Milkman Man saw himself as a fraud, revealing that since he came from nothing, he could've been anything, but was molded to be 'bad' by Retconn. He then took Casey's hand as she assured him that she'd love him no matter what, making Milkman Man come clean about being angry with Retconn for what it did to his life, finally finding acceptance with Casey. However, at the same time, Retconn's deal with Manga Khan fell through, Khan turning down the sale and leaving, prompting Retconn to enact their final contigency- the Final Reset Button, which would erase the entirety of Prime Earth.
Upon the button's activation, Milkman Man and Casey saw existence burning away at the edges, Milkman Man recognizing it as Retconn's corporate loss plan of liquidating their assets. Casey tried to ask if there was a way to stop it, but Milkman Man told her that it couldn't be undone, likening it to bleaching a page white. Milkman Man then admitted that he was scared of being truly nothing, holding Casey close as he braced for the end. However, Casey told him that even though Milkman Man came from nothing, nobody exists forever, as the average person won't be remembered by anyone at a certain point after their death. Regardless, that didn't mean that said person didn't matter, and Milkman Man matters to her. Milkman Man and Casey hugged as everything burned away, Milkman Man sobbing as he finally recognized Casey as his mother.
Elsewhere in Retconn's disintegrating offices, Batman convinced Flex Mentallo to use his reality-warping flexing powers combined with the Tantu Totem of JLA member Vixen, unlocking the greater potential of his power, known as Inflation Intensity. The energy release counteracted the Final Reset Button, restoring Earth Prime to normal with some minor alterations, depositing the Doom Patrol and JLA back on the restored Happy Harbor. However, Milkman Man and Retconn were erased from existence by their own device, as they did not reappear with the others. Additionally, the heroes had only vague memories of what just happened, as if the events at Retconn were just a dream, including forgetting Milkman Man. Despite this, Casey felt heartache for losing Milkman Man, knowing that she had a son and been holding him in his final moments, but was unable to see a name or face in her mind.
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