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| “ | You and your fancy friends in London may pat yourselves on the back that you've finally woken up to environmental issues, but we've been doing our bit for the planet for centuries now...The King is dead! Long live the King! | „ |
| ~ Mr. Edwards preparing to sacrifice Alan. |
Mr. Edwards is the main antagonist of the Inside No. 9 episode "Mr. King".
He was portrayed by Steve Pemberton, who also played Eddie, Migg and Adrian in the same show, Tubbs Tattsyrup, Pauline Campbell-Jones, Harvey Denton, Herr Lipp, Pop and Lemuel in The League of Gentlemen, David Sowerbutts, Hattie and Dr. Friedrich Ehrlichmann in Psychoville and one of the Vogons in The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy film adaptation.
Biography[]
Mr. Edwards is the headmaster of a primary school in rural Wales. He first appears at the beginning of the episode introducing new class 9 teacher Alan Curtis to the class, explaining he will be replacing the previous teacher, the popular Mr. King, who has gone to Australia and sent them a postcard that Edwards has one of the pupils read out. He tells the class that Alan is from London and will be taking all his classes in English rather than Welsh before leaving him to begin his first lesson. Alan later approaches Edwards to ask him for Mr. King's email address so he can ask him about what he taught the class, who do not appear to have been taught anything about the environment despite it being on the curriculum. Edwards has trouble remembering this and promises to "dig it up" for him.
Later, Edwards asks Alan for a word in private and explains that one of the pupils, Ceri Morgan, has accused him of molesting her. Preferring to deal with the allegation independently rather than involve the police, he tells Alan that he must now take a photo of his penis; Ceri has given a vivid description and he needs to see if it lines up with reality. Winnie, the school cleaner, walks in in the middle of the act but is strangely unfazed. Edwards takes a photo and promises to get back to Alan as soon as possible. A few days later he informs Alan that his examination has cleared him and returns Ceri to his class. When Alan discreetly asks Ceri why she accused him, she leaves him a drawing implying she was abused by Mr. King.
Now suspecting that Edwards is covering something up, Alan sneaks into his office and goes over the records for the previous year, finding that "Mr. King" does not exist: the class teacher the previous year was named Mr. Hardy. He then comes across a folder entitled "Mr. King" which contains a number of photographs of men's penises. Horrified, he calls Edwards and accuses him of helping "King" to get away with molesting his students, which Edwards pretends not to hear due to a bad line.
Alan then goes to leave but is cut off by class 9, who ask to show him their assembly about the environment. He reluctantly accepts, only to see that the assembly revolves around the idea of killing people in order to "recycle" them. He then realizes they've superglued him to his chair as the children begin to lecture him about the Earth Goddess and tell him that he's going to be "recycled" to replenish the Earth's bounty before supergluing his mouth shut while addressing him as "Mr. King". They begin telling him in song form the story of "John Barleycorn", who became the first person to be recycled when he was tortured and killed by three men from the West to ensure a good harvest. Mr. Edwards interrupts and demands to know what is going on, but when the class tell him they're telling the story of John Barleycorn he replies that it's his favourite part and tells them to carry on.
Edwards and the pupils explain that John Barleycorn represents the life cycle of the fields and is honoured as the "Corn King", with his sacrifice being re-enacted every year for hundreds of years. Last year the victim was Mr. Hardy; this year it will be Alan. "Mr. King" is a fabrication to cover for the disappearence of all the teachers who are sacrificed. Edwards further explains that the photos of the victim's penises were to establish that they were "as God intended" (not circumcised) and therefore suitable to become the new Corn King. Once this is confirmed, the Corn King is then given to the land with a "triple death": drowned, strangled and dismembered before being buried in the fields to ensure a good harvest. Once his explanation is concluded, Edwards calls in Winnie, who is to perform the sacrifice. The episode ends with Edwards, Winnie and the class 9 pupils wheeling Alan outside to be sacrificed while singing the story of John Barleycorn.
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 Villains
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League of Gentlemen Psychoville Inside No. 9 | ||