| “ | Lisa: Ms. Cantwell, wait! I've got to know before you leave. Why don't you like me? Ms. Cantwell: Lisa, sometimes you just don't like a person. There's no logical explanation. It just is. Lisa: That is so unsatisfying. (sigh) Ms. Cantwell: Here we go. If you don't get what you want, you get all pouty. All you pretty girls are the same. Lisa: You think I'm pretty? Ms. Cantwell: Right, like you don't get told that every day of your life, with your perfect blond hair, that Kewpie-doll voice that drives the boys crazy. And what eight-year-old wears pearls? Bookworms like me can't stand party girls like you. Lisa: She hates me because I'm pretty! Whoo! (Ms. Cantwell makes her car splash dirt on Lisa Simpson) Ms. Cantwell: Not so pretty now, are you? Lisa: Can you sign my yearbook? |
„ |
| ~ Ms. Cantwell's reason to hate Lisa Simpson before leaving, but not before getting Lisa dirty on purpose. |
Ms. Cantwell is a one-shot character who was a main antagonist in The Simpsons episode, "Black Eyed Please".
She is one of Lisa Simpson's archenemies who used to be Lisa Simpson's new substitute teacher. However, she decides to bully, harass, and belittle Lisa Simpson just for having blonde hair, and has a belief that blonde girls are ditzy and gullible.
She was voiced by Tina Fey.
Biography[]
Ms. Cantwell becomes Lisa's substitute teacher who does not warm to Lisa Simpson for some mysterious reason. From the beginning, she ignores all Lisa's attempt to understanding and gives her a "B" even without looking at her homework, while Ralph gets an "A" for his. Later, Ms. Cantwell blames Lisa for trying to "get ahead of the other children" when she doesn't stop reading during free play time. As a punishment, Lisa loses her joeys which are given to some random students.
Lisa sadly asks her parents for help, but their visit at school only leads to more bullying and Ms. Cantwell sends Lisa to a detention class by lying to Principal Skinner and falsely warn her not to tell anyone about her bullying her.
It is eventually Edna Krabappel who saves Lisa. After her father Homer convinces her to help his daughter, Edna brings a new student to Mrs. Cantwell's class: Lisa's brother Bart Simpson. During just a 2-minute bathroom break, Bart manages to destroy the classroom and post a video of her in the bathroom, grumbling about how she hates Lisa. Realize that Bart will exposed her, Ms. Cantwell leave the school.
However, before she can drive away, Lisa catches her up to find out why she hates her so much. At first, Ms. Cantwell claims it was something that just happened, but then eventually admits she actually hates all "pretty party girls with blonde hair", saying that blonde-haired girls have "Kewpie-doll" voices that drive boys crazy, as she can't compete with her due to being a bookworm.
Personality[]
She at first sight seems to be kind and caring towards other students. However, with Lisa Simpson, her kindness is nothing more than a façade, as it is revealed to be very petty, rude, and is willing to harass, bully and belittle Lisa, even going as far as giving Lisa Simpson unfair grades and removing Lisa's joeys (which are used to show how good a student is behaving) and giving them to random students just to spite Lisa. She looks for every opportunity to punish Lisa for the pettiest and smallest reasons, such as Lisa talking back and trying to tell on Cantwell on Marge and Homer Simpson.
She is also not against stalking Lisa as she has mentioned of going by Lisa's house and sending her to detention class after the latter tried to tell Marge and Homer Simpson about how to make Cantwell to stop harassing her. In the end of the episode, she is also shown to be very judgmental and reveals that the reason why she harbor a extreme hatred toward Lisa Simpson was because of her blonde-hair, even thinking that blonde girls are stereotypical dumb blonde who use their looks to get their way and make boys crazy with their "kewpie-doll voices". She kept ignoring the fact that Lisa was an unpopular bookworm. In addition she also believed that Skinner and Chalmers were a gay couple, despite their only barely functioning professional relationship.
Relationships[]
Enemies[]
- Lisa Simpson - archenemy
- Bart Simpson
- Edna Krabappel
- Seymour Skinner
- Gary Chalmers
Quotes[]
| “ | Is this Ms. Hoover's class? | „ |
| ~ Ms. Cantwell's first quote in her appearance. |
| “ | Lisa: Hi. As second grade student-faculty liaison, I'd like to welcome you... Ms. Cantwell: Get back in your seat. If I have any apples that need polishing, I'll let you know. I understand there are homework assignments. (Ralph shows Cantwell his assignment) Ms. Cantwell: Mm. Well done, Ralpa. (Gives Ralph an A) Ralphie: If I can't remember the right letter, I just put an A. Ms. Cantwell: Well, here's another one! (gives Ralph his paper) Lisa: Well, while you're grading so generously, here's mine. (Shows Cantwell her paper) (Ms. Cantwell doesn't bother to look at Lisa's paper and gives her a B) Ms. Cantwell "B", as in "because I said so." Lisa: Wha? I- (faints) |
„ |
| ~ Ms. Cantwell as she gives Ralph a good grade, while giving Lisa Simpson an unfair grade. |
| “ | Okay, children, ten minutes of free play. | „ |
| ~ Ms. Cantwell to the class. |
| “ | Ms. Cantwell: Lisa, free play! Lisa: But I am playing! I'm hop-scotching from paragraph to paragraph, climbing up the monkey bars of plot ant theme! Ms. Cantwell: Ugh, bull-pie. You're trying to get ahead of the other children. That's it, you're loosing joeys! (takes two joeys from Lisa's kangaroo on the kangaroo accomplishment chart] Lisa: Please keep them together. If not me, for the mother? Ms. Cantwell: [Places one joey to Janey's kangaroo and one to Ralph's kangaroo, while adding one joey to Ryan's Kangaroo.] |
„ |
| ~ Ms. Cantwell to Lisa before removing her joeys off of the accomplishment chart just for reading and for "trying to get ahead of other children". |
| “ | Lisa: Ms. Cantwell? Ms. Cantwell: Yes? Lisa: Why are you so mean to me? Ms. Cantwell: You really want to know? Lisa: More than I want unicorns to be real. Ms. Cantwell: Well, if you guess, I'll give you extra credit. Lisa: I remind you of you? Ms. Cantwell: Now you've got a demerit. Lisa: But this class doesn't give demerits! Ms. Cantwell: Now it does, and you just got another one. Lisa: What if I homeschool? Ms. Cantwell: You're bluffing; I've driven by your home. Lisa: (gasps) Principal Skinner! Principal Skinner: Not now, I'm dealing with Mr. Testiclees. (goes to Dick Testiclees's office.) Look, kids can be cruel, Dick. Nelson: HA HA! *Singsong* We don't know when we've gone too far! (Lisa looks at Ms. Cantwell, only for the latter to hissing her) |
„ |
| ~ Ms Cantwell when Lisa attempt to tell Principal Skinner on her. |
| “ | Here's the new deal: you fail! | „ |
| ~ Ms. Cantwell in Lisa's mind as the former tries to study on Social Studies |
| “ | Look who's on the Ferris wheel. Your precious joeys! (laughs maniacally) | „ |
| ~ Ms. Cantwell in Lisa's imagination while she was attempting to do her assignment. |
| “ | Hello, Lisa. I was shocked to hear from Principal Skinner that you and I aren't getting along. You should never tell on a bully, Lisa. Everyone knows that. | „ |
| ~ Ms. Cantwell before sending Lisa to detention class for trying to tell on her. |
| “ | Every rep sheet has a first line. | „ |
| ~ Ms. Cantwell as she places Lisa Simpson into detention class. |
| “ | Ms. Cantwell: I just went to the bathroom for two minutes. Bart: I know. Posted a video online. |
„ |
| ~ Ms. Cantwell as she returns, only to see the classroom being a complete mess. |
| “ | Stupid Lisa, stupid Lisa, stupid Lisa. | „ |
| ~ Ms Cantwell in her 2-minute bathroom break, grumbling about Lisa. |
| “ | Ms. Cantwell: Okay, you've won. You've driven me out of this "plum substitute teaching job". (As Ms. Cantwell was about to leave, Lisa was at the door.) Lisa: Ms. Cantwell, I can make this stop. All you have to do is like me. Ms. Cantwell: I... I can't. (As she goes to the kangaroo accomplishment chart, Ms. Cantwell takes the last of Lisa's joeys out and rips its head off with her teeth before leaving) |
„ |
| ~ Ms. Cantwell refusing to like Lisa Simpson after giving her a chance to change her ways. |
| “ | Chalmers: Wait, wait. There's no need to leave! Principal Skinner: You showed up before the students; that's all we asked. Ms. Cantwell: You two are the worst-dressed gay men I've ever met. |
„ |
| ~ Ms. Cantwell insulting Chalmers and Skinner before she was about to leave in her car. |
Trivia[]
- She is similar to another substitute teacher, Ms. Kelp, who also bullied Lisa.
- She can be considered Elizabeth Hoover's evil counterpart. Miss Hoover may sometimes be arrogant and rude, but she’s not bad at worst she's apathetic. Compare to her, Ms. Cantwell is sadistic, cruel and unpleasant.
Gallery[]
External Link[]
- Ms. Cantwell on the Simpsons Wiki.
