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I am the Paedofinder General!
~ The Paedofinder General's catchphrase.
By the powers invested in me by tabloid reading imbeciles, I pronounce you guilty, of paedophilia!
~ The Paedofinder General accursing Miss Jenkins of paedophilia.

The Paedofinder General is a major antagonist of the 2003 British satirical cartoon series Monkey Dust, a show which is notorious for its dark humor, satirisation of the modern society, and handling of taboo topics. He is a self-proclaimed pedophile hunter who hunts and executes potential pedophiles. However, many of them are innocent people and his "evidence" is usually absurd (for example, he executed a mother for making photos of her newborn child). Even though his acts are atrocious, he is praised by people in the universe of Monkey Dust. He is sometimes followed by a group of people in cloaks who help him in his crimes.

He is voiced by Simon Greenall, who provides most of the voices in Monkey Dust.

Appearance[]

The Paedofinder General is a tall man with loose black hair and pale green skin. He wears a costume akin to that of Matthew Hopkins (cir. 1620 - 1647), the famous British witch-hunter known as Witchfinder General.

Personality[]

The Paedofinder General is a sadistic, vicious, bitter, paranoid, and vituperative man who is extremely devoted to his work of finding and executing pedophiles. He is an ominous and imposing person who cites justifications to his terrible acts, saying usually " ...by the powers invested in me by tabloid-reading imbeciles, I proclaim you guilty of paedophilia!". When he appears, he is followed by green gusts of smoke.

As mentioned above, he uses any possible thing against an alleged pedophile, and shows no remorse for killing his victims and is instead proud of his hideous work; be they a show host, a teenager, a homosexual couple or even a group of children, whereas he justifies the latter by saying that victims of sexual abuse grow up to be abusers themselves.

History[]

Victim Number 1: A Game Show Host[]

The Paedofinder General makes his first appearance in S2 E1, and his first victim is a game show host from the show, SPELL THAT NAME, The Paedofinder General arrives to the building where the show takes place, and steps out of his old wagon, he then walks up the the stage, then when the game show host asks who he is and why is he interrupting his show, The Paedofinder General says his catchphrase, "I am The Paedofinder General", the game show host realizing this gets scared and pleas that he did nothing wrong, The Paedofinder General then accuses him of inviting a false pedophile into his show, named P.D. James when he thinks it's Pedo James, and for also marking his show for kids when it's also for everyone, when the game show host tries to correct him and tries to disprove his claim, The Paedofinder General interrupts him by yelling "SILENCE", the game show host then fearfully says, "You have no right to come in here", The Paedofinder General then accuses him of pedophilia by saying "By the powers invested in me by news international I pronounce you GUILTY, of pedophilia", the game show host then says that there was no trial while in a panic, The Paedofinder General then brings up an absurd English Law article that says, "Every man is innocent, until speculated, guilty", The Paedofinder General then commands his cloaked minions to tie up the game show host on a long log with wood on the bottom, then they light it and the fire spreads on the log and onto the game show host causing him to scream in pain and burn to death while The Paedofinder General proudly stares at the camera and says "Now THAT's Entertainment", while the crowd claps and cheers.

Victim Number 2: A Boy's Dog[]

A boy and his dog named Banjo, are playing fetch, then Banjo playfully licks the boy's face while the boy happily says stop it banjo you silly dog, until a arrow shoots the dog in the head causing blood to drop heavily from his head, the boy seeing this panickily screams Banjo's name in fear seeing that his dog has been killed, then The Paedofinder General is seen next to a person with a crossbow, and then The Paedofinder General says, "By the powers invested in me by the  historical uneducated masses, I find Banjo, guilty of satanic possession", the boy then looks up at him and tearfully says that he killed his best friend, The Paedofinder General then accuses the dog of pedophilia and says its a pedo dog all because it licked the boys face.

Victim Number 3: A Lifeguard[]

The Paedofinder General disguised as a heavily coated person with a cap is told by a lifeguard that he can't wear that at the pool, The Paedofinder General then reveals himself to the lifeguard and again says, "I am The Paedofinder General", the lifeguard then tells him that he has no authority, The Paedofinder General then says "By the powers invested in me, by proviant wishful thinking, i pronounce you a pedophile", The Paedofinder General then says that pedo is on the lifeguards trunks, the lifeguard says it says speedo and that his hand is covering the s, but The Paedofinder General does not budge and knocks the lifeguard into the other pool that was filled with acid filled by his cloaked minions, causing the lifeguard to scream and then burn to death.

Victim Number 4: An Actor[]

At a play, an actor is singing a song from fiddle on the roof and a person playing a violin on the roof of a custom house made for the play, but suddenly, The Paedofinder General busts threw the wall with a giant tank and the violin player is trapped at the front of the tank, then gets blasted to bits with blood gushing everywhere and his head being blown off, the actor then asks who the hell that thing is, then The Paedofinder General in a disguise, takes off his disguise while once again saying his introduction catchphrase, the actor tells him that he killed him, The Paedofinder General then says that he was a pedophile because he was fiddling on the roof, referring to him playing the violin, which had nothing to do with anything pedophilic related, nor with any children, the actor then says that it was the lyrics of the song, The Paedofinder General denies it by saying "Silence" then points the tank at him while falsely telling him off, he then says "By the powers invested in me by a text vote on Sky News, I find you guilty, of pedophilia", the actor then demands an appeal, then The Paedofinder General says that it has been filed already, pedo filed, then shoots the actor in the head with the violin string that the violin player was playing earlier, the crowd cheers for him and throw bouquet's of flowers at him, The Paedofinder General then stares at the camera again and says, "Now that's what I call, a showstopper".

Victim Number 5: A 'School' Disco[]

A 'School disco' (essentially a themed night where all adult attendees dress, act, and listen to the music popular whilst they were at school) , gets turned into chaos when The Paedofinder General takes off his disguise and says his catchphrase once more, he sings a song called Fire, while his cloaked minions tie up the people into logs and soon light the place on fire, when the song is finished, everyone is a skeleton and the place is burned.

Victim Number 6: A School Play Author[]

Some school children are doing a school play, when The Paedofinder General disguised as a product horse suddenly pops up, he then asks who the author of it is, then the author stands up and says how did he get in, The Paedofinder General then says his catchphrase and says he followed a star, then shows an invalid daily star magazine, the author then angrily tells him to leave, but The Paedofinder General does not budge and calls him a bad teacher by saying "You claim to be these children's teacher?", the author then says he teaches P.E. then The Paedofinder General says, "dophilia", The Paedofinder General then thinks that the kids in the play is a crime against humanity, the author tries to disprove his claim by saying that its just a register, The Paedofinder General then says that he to has a register, the sex offenders register, and says that his name was on it, The Paedofinder General then accuses him of pedophilia, the author then demands to see the head, then The Paedofinder General brings out a decapitated head and uses it as a puppet, he then manipulates the children to wanting to burn the author, The Paedofinder General then proceeds to do so, the author is seen in a giant burning wood statue while screaming in pain.

Victim Number 7: A Gay Couple[]

A gay couple are shopping, and then The Paedofinder General shows himself to the couple, and accuses them of being pedophiles, he then says that it is because they are gay, which implies that The Paedofinder General is homophobic, The Paedofinder General then says that they're gayness condemns them, and written in stone, and he makes a false claim by saying that he carved a wall behind the bus station, which is vandalism because he carved something on public property, The Paedofinder General then accuses them of pedophilia again and makes his cloaked minions tie Noose's around their necks and The Paedofinder General pulls a string that hangs them up and chokes them to death.

Victim Number 8: A Family at the Beach[]

The Paedofinder General walks up to a father of a Family at the beach while him and his children were playing French cricket, The Paedofinder General then makes inappropriate comments about French cricket being about French kissing with tongues and not being with tongues, The Paedofinder General then accuses the father of giving her daughter a 69, when the father just bought a swimsuit, the father then says its a 99, referring to the price being 99 dollars, but The Paedofinder General thinks that its something pedophilic related, the father tries to say that he is incorrect, but The Paedofinder General shows false evidence and calls him a kiddie fiddler, his cloaked minions then put up a bunch of gallows, and The Paedofinder General says that most victims of abuse grow up to abuse others, then hangs the whole family including the 2 kids on the gallows.

Victim Number 9: A Mother of a Newborn Baby[]

A Woman named Miss Jenkins walks into a barber shop, The Paedofinder General then pops up and says that he works everywhere after questioned if he worked there, he then says his Catchphrase and immediately calls Miss Jenkins a pedophile, The Paedofinder General then shows a picture of Miss Jenkins newborn baby and accused it of being child porn, when Miss Jenkins explains that she just became a mother and its just how babies are born, The Paedofinder General then accuses Miss Jenkins of torturing the baby in her stomach and in her chesticles, The Paedofinder General then accuses her of pedophilia, and after Miss Jenkins says she has rights, The Paedofinder General then says she has the right to remain silent, forever, then he cuts off her head with a giant pair of scissors.

Victim Number 10: A Wedding Party[]

The Paedofinder General takes off his disguise at a wedding and accuses the couple of being pedophiles immediately, The Paedofinder General then accuses the husband of grooming the wife, and also the children that showed up at the wedding, the brides father then tells him off for being overly dramatic, but The Paedofinder General then accuses him of abandoning his daughter, The Paedofinder General then accuses the whole wedding party to be guilty of pedophilia, then he pulls a string that sends big bells down on the wedding party crushing them to death.

Hypocrisy[]

In the final episode of Monkey Dust, he is seen looking at online child pornography, claiming its "for research", implying that he might be a pedophile himself, and this could make him very hypocritical because he accuses and executes people that he thinks are pedophiles just for doing everyday normal things, but here, he is doing something that actually is considered pedophilia.

Trivia[]

  • So far, out of all the Monkey Dust characters, The Paedofinder General is considered to be the most evil character in the entire show, aside from his comedic moments, he is careless and heartless as he does anything in his power to hurt and kill his victims and never allows them to speak up, and he never shows any remorse for what he does.

Gallery[]

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Navigation[]

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Ivan Dobsky | Paedofinder General | Saladin | Rubbish Terrorists

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