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Apathetic bloody planet, I've no sympathy at all!!
~ Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz's speech to Earth.

Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz is one of the two main antagonists in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series (along with Gag Halfrunt), appearing in three of the novels. He is the leader of the Vogons, an evil alien race who seek to destroy the Universe.

He and Gag Halfrunt are the overarching and main antagonists of the radio series. He also appears as the secondary antagonist of the first novel as well as its 1981 TV adaption and 2005 Disney/Touchstone film adaptation, a supporting antagonist in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe and the main antagonist of Mostly Harmless.

Biography

Morphology

Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz is described to be unpleasant to look at; even for Vogons. Normally he never smiles, even when he is happy. He will occasionally twitch his cheek muscles to remind himself how it is done but never smiles voluntarily. He is more callous than his people and will happily destroy entire planets and wish that someone will come and yell at him to remind him it's evil so Jeltz can yell back at them and feel better.

Jeltz is a source of fear for other Vogons and Vogons do not want to deliver bad news to him. Jeltz is also not too bright; he just hears "a personal friend" somewhere and decides to try it out, Halfrunt says "No, in my profession we do not make friends."

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

In the first book, Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz is the one who orders the destruction of planet Earth. He is revealed to have moved slightly beyond his ordinary work by blowing up a planet. Jeltz orders the demolition rays to be launched and does a callous goodbye speech to humanity saying that Earth is stupid. Jeltz then blows up the planet and flies off into space on his ship, unaware that he picked up two hitchhikers - Ford Prefect and clueless Arthur Dent, last survivor of planet Earth.

He finds out about the intruders soon enough however, and he tortures them by reading them Vogon poetry, the third worst in the Universe. Jeltz reads a special torturous poem of his own devising, which goes like:

Oh friggled gruntbuggly, thy micturations are to me, as plurdled globberblotchits on a lurdid bee. Groop I implore thee, my flurling turlingdromes. And hopelessly drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles, or I will render thee in the globberwarts with my blurdlecruncheon, see if I don't!

(Which can be roughly translated as: Oh beautiful lady, thy beauty is to me, as shining spots on a humming bee. Girl I implore thee, my raging hormones. And hopelessly entangle me with your beauty, or I will render thee in the vagina with my penis, see if I don't!)

Jeltz then asks Ford and Arthur what they think of his poem, and he doesn't care if Ford is human or a Betelgeusian. Arthur reveals he liked the poem, which stuns Ford because he doesn't know about sarcasm. But neither does Jeltz and he decides to throw them off the ship into space for saying that he is nostalgic and lonely. Ford and Arthur are thrown off the ship but are rescued by Zaphod Beeblebrox's spaceship.

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz is tracking the survivors, Arthur and Ford, furious at having lost them, and Gag Halfrunt is revealed to be the man who ordered Jeltz to blow up Earth and the overall antagonist. Jeltz, however, doesn't like Halfrunt, and Jeltz says he killed half his own crew in a training exercise that morning. Halfrunt simply says this is normal Vogon behaviour and they are happily suited for their jobs.

Jeltz orders his surviving crew to attack Zaphod's ship, but is shocked when the ship doesn't fight back. He pounds the ship with lasers, bullets and tractor beams, but nothing happens. This is because Arthur has told the ship's computers about tea, and thoroughly confused them, resulting in them shutting down. Zaphod decides to hold a seance to talk to his grandfather, while this is successful, his grandfather's ghost slows down time to save everyone. But mainly because he can't stand Zaphod being in the Afterlife with him.

While Jeltz doesn't appear very much in this book, he does influence events, he hires Zarniwoop, an executive, to infiltrate Zaphod's crew and find the ruler of the Universe, which happens, but Zarniwoop is temporarily stuck on the ruler's planet, but he soon escapes and gets revenge by taking over the Guide with Jeltz.

Mostly Harmless

By this time, Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz is back, and he has taken over The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy offices, and turned them into the Guide Mark Two, an evil device which can find anyone's IP in any universe ever. It is an artificial intelligence and is in league with Jeltz. Ford Prefect steals the Guide, then gives it to Arthur, whose daughter steals it, who takes it to Earth. On this Earth, in another universe, the Vogons are in league with the Grebulon Leader, having found this universe by using the new Guide's IP tracking devices. The Vogons come from Arthur's universe into this one and blow up Earth, and Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz orders the second destruction of Earth. At the end of the demolition, he plays God, ordering "Light" when there is a light switch right next to him. Nothing happens when he says "Light" because the Guide collapses. But Jeltz turns on the light switch himself, and ticks off his assignment. He then flies off into space, mission accomplished.

And Another Thing

As Arthur, Tricia, their daughter Random and Ford were revealed to have actually survived the destruction of the alternate planet Earth, and been transported to Zaphod's spaceship, the Vogons are still in hot pursuit, led by Jeltz, who is absolutely determined to kill Arthur and erase all surviving knowledge of the Ultimate Question. However, he has not counted on his own son, Constant Mown, an enigma among Vogons, who displays compassion for mankind and all that comes with it. Jeltz is about to finally kill Arthur at the climax, but he is thwarted by Constant Mown who has grown to like humans and doesn't wish any more further genocide on his father's hands.

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Other Animated Movies
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Shorts, Television, Comics and Video Games
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Disney Parks
Alien | Lava Monster | Mad Hatter | Nebula Ghosts | Professor J.T. Wu | S.I.R. | Yeti (Expedition Everest) | Yeti (Matterhorn Bobsleds)

See Also
101 Dalmatians Villains | 2010 Marvel Animated Universe Villains | 20th Century Studios Villains | A Twisted Tale Villains | Air Bud Villains | Aladdin Villains | Alice in Wonderland Villains | Amphibia Villains | Artemis Fowl Villains | Atlantis Villains | Beauty and the Beast Villains | Big Hero 6 Villains | Buena Vista International Villains | Buzz Lightyear of Star Command Villains | Cars Villains | Cinderella Villains | Club Penguin Villains | Darkwing Duck Villains | Descendants Villains | Disney Chills Villains | DuckTales Villains | Fantasia Villains | Fillmore! Villains | Frozen Villains | Gargoyles Villains | Gravity Falls Villains | Halloweentown Villains | Hamilton Villains | Haunted Mansion Villains | Hercules Villains | Incredibles Villains | Kim Possible Villains | Kingdom Hearts Villains | Lilo & Stitch Villains | Little Einsteins Villains | Marvel Animated Movie Universe Villains | Marvel Cinematic Universe Villains | Medfield College Villains | Mighty Ducks Villains | Milo Murphy's Law Villains | Mulan Villains | Muppet Villains | Narnia Villains | Once Upon A Time Villains | Peter Pan Villains | Phineas and Ferb Villains | Pinocchio Villains | Pirates of the Caribbean Villains | Pixar Villains | Pixar Villains | Recess Villains | Robin Hood Villains | Sleeping Beauty Villains | Snow White Villains | Sofia the First Villains | Star Wars Villains | Star vs. the Forces of Evil Villains | Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go! Villains | Tangled Villains | Tarzan Villains | The Hunchback of Notre Dame Villains | The Jungle Book Villains | The Lion King Villains | The Little Mermaid Villains | The Owl House Villains | The Princess and the Frog Villains | The Proud Family Villains | Toy Story Villains | Treasure Planet Villains | Tron Villains | Wander Over Yonder Villains | Winnie the Pooh Villains | Wreck-It Ralph Villains | X-Men Movie Villains | Yin Yang Yo! Villains | Zootopia Villains

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Touchstone Pictures
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Hollywood Pictures
Spiders (General Spider & Queen Spider) | Mrs. Mott | Dr. Victor Mott | President Koopa | Lena | Goombas | David Greenhill | Ben Pinkwater | Kerr | Captain Frye | Captain Darrow | General Hummel | Miss Cheevus | Grocer | Vincent Grey | Mrs. Collins | Blood Countess

Miramax Films
Cropsy | Izabella Scorpio | Conrad Cuppman | Joe Cabot | Mr. Blonde | Eddie Cabot | Mr. White | Mr. Pink | Mr. Blue | Mr. Brown | King Mighty One-Eye | One-Eyes (Zigzag & Phido) | Marsellus Wallace | Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield | Zed | Maynard | Pumpkin | Yolanda | Mark Renton | Francis Begbie | Sick Boy | Roxie Hart | Billy Flynn | Velma Kelly | Fred Casely | Cook County Jail inmates | Bill Cutting | Boss Tweed | Deadly Viper Assassination Squad | Bill | Elle Driver | Budd | Vernita Green | O-Ren Ishii | Sofie Fatale | Crazy 88 | Johnny Mo | Gogo Yubari | Buck | Esteban Vihaio | Matsumoto | Sir Edgar | Heston

Dimension Films
Top Dollar | T-Bird | Funboy | Tintin | Grange | Myca | Judah Earl | Curve | Kali | Luc Crash | Lola Byrne | Horsemen of the Apocalypse | Santánico Pandemónium | Richard "Richie" Gecko | Seth Gecko | Ghostface | Billy Loomis | Stu Macher | Marybeth Louise Hutchinson | Aliens | Debbie Loomis | Mickey Altieri | Fegan Floop | Alexander Minion | Mr. Lisp | Ms. Gradenko | Robot Children | Donnagon Giggles | Roman Bridger | John Milton Gary Giggles | Gerti Giggles | Felix Gumm | Vice-Counsel DuPont | Andrew Brandt | Demetra | Willie Stokes | Marcus Skidmore | Ethan Roark Jr. | Ethan Roark | Patrick Henry Roark | Toymaker | Mr. Electric | Minus | The Timekeeper | Tick Tock | Stuntman Mike | Jill Roberts | Charlie Walker | Chloe | The Entity | Ava Lord

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