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Apathetic bloody planet, I've no sympathy at all!!
~ Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz's speech to Earth.

Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz is one of the two main antagonists in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series (along with Gag Halfrunt), appearing in three of the novels. He is the leader of the Vogons, an evil alien race who seek to destroy the Universe.

He and Gag Halfrunt are the overarching and main antagonists of the radio series. He also appears as the secondary antagonist of the first novel as well as its 1981 TV adaption and 2005 Disney/Touchstone film adaptation, a supporting antagonist in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe and the main antagonist of Mostly Harmless.

Biography

Morphology

Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz is described to be unpleasant to look at; even for Vogons. Normally he never smiles, even when he is happy. He will occasionally twitch his cheek muscles to remind himself how it is done but never smiles voluntarily. He is more callous than his people and will happily destroy entire planets and wish that someone will come and yell at him to remind him it's evil so Jeltz can yell back at them and feel better.

Jeltz is a source of fear for other Vogons and Vogons do not want to deliver bad news to him. Jeltz is also not too bright; he just hears "a personal friend" somewhere and decides to try it out, Halfrunt says "No, in my profession we do not make friends."

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

In the first book, Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz is the one who orders the destruction of planet Earth. He is revealed to have moved slightly beyond his ordinary work by blowing up a planet. Jeltz orders the demolition rays to be launched and does a callous goodbye speech to humanity saying that Earth is stupid. Jeltz then blows up the planet and flies off into space on his ship, unaware that he picked up two hitchhikers.

He finds out about the intruders soon enough however, and he tortures them by reading them Vogon poetry, the third worst in the Universe. Jeltz reads a special torturous poem of his own devising, which goes like:

Oh friggled gruntbuggly, thy micturations are to me, as plurdled globberblotchits on a lurdid bee. Groop I implore thee, my flurling turlingdromes. And hopelessly drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles, or I will render thee in the globberwarts with my blurdlecruncheon, see if I don't!

(Which can be roughly translated as: Oh beautiful lady, thy beauty is to me, as shining spots on a humming bee. Girl I implore thee, my raging hormones. And hopelessly entangle me with your beauty, or I will render thee in the vagina with my penis, see if I don't!)

Jeltz then asks Ford and Arthur what they think of his poem, and he doesn't care if Ford is human or a Betelgeusian. Arthur reveals he liked the poem, which stuns Ford because he doesn't know about sarcasm. But neither does Jeltz and he decides to throw them off the ship into space for saying that he is nostalgic and lonely. Ford and Arthur are thrown off the ship but are rescued by Zaphod Beeblebrox's spaceship.

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz is tracking the survivors, Arthur and Ford, furious at having lost them, and Gag Halfrunt is revealed to be the man who ordered Jeltz to blow up Earth and the overall antagonist. Jeltz, however, doesn't like Halfrunt, and Jeltz says he killed half his own crew in a training exercise that morning. Halfrunt simply says this is normal Vogon behaviour and they are happily suited for their jobs.

Jeltz orders his surviving crew to attack Zaphod's ship, but is shocked when the ship doesn't fight back. He pounds the ship with lasers, bullets and tractor beams, but nothing happens. This is because Arthur has told the ship's computers about tea, and thoroughly confused them, resulting in them shutting down. Zaphod decides to hold a seance to talk to his grandfather, while this is successful, his grandfather's ghost slows down time to save everyone. But mainly because he can't stand Zaphod being in the Afterlife with him.

While Jeltz doesn't appear very much in this book, he does influence events, he hires Zarniwoop, an executive, to infiltrate Zaphod's crew and find the ruler of the Universe, which happens, but Zarniwoop is temporarily stuck on the ruler's planet, but he soon escapes and gets revenge by taking over the Guide with Jeltz.

Mostly Harmless

By this time, Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz is back, and he has taken over The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy offices, and turned them into the Guide Mark Two, an evil device which can find anyone's IP in any universe ever. It is an artificial intelligence and is in league with Jeltz. Ford Prefect steals the Guide, then gives it to Arthur, whose daughter steals it, who takes it to Earth. On this Earth, in another universe, the Vogons are in league with the Grebulon Leader, having found this universe by using the new Guide's IP tracking devices. The Vogons come from Arthur's universe into this one and blow up Earth, and Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz orders the second destruction of Earth. At the end of the demolition, he plays God, ordering "Light" when there is a light switch right next to him. Nothing happens when he says "Light" because the Guide collapses. But Jeltz turns on the light switch himself, and ticks off his assignment. He then flies off into space, mission accomplished.

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Animated Features
Queen Grimhilde | Magic Mirror | Honest John | Gideon | Stromboli | Coachman | Coachman's Minions | Monstro | Chernabog | Zeus | Vulcan | Boreas | Pink Elephants | Man | Ronno | Tetti-Tatti | Lumpjaw | Willie | Mr. Winkie | Rustlers | Headless Horseman | Lady Tremaine | Anastasia Tremaine | Drizella Tremaine | Lucifer | Queen of Hearts | Card Soldiers | Cheshire Cat | The Walrus and the Carpenter | Captain James Hook | Neverland Pirates (Mr. Smee) | Tick Tock the Crocodile | Rat | Si and Am | Maleficent | Maleficent's Goons (Diablo) | Cruella De Vil | Jasper and Horace | Madam Mim | Shere Khan | Kaa | Bandar Log (King Louie) | Edgar Balthazar | Prince John | Sheriff of Nottingham | Sir Hiss | Captain Crocodile | Rhino Guards | Wolf Arrowmen | Trigger & Nutsy | Heffalumps & Woozles | Madame Medusa | Mr. Snoops | Brutus & Nero | Amos Slade | Chief | Horned King | Horned King's Army (Creeper & Gwythaints) | Cauldron Born | Orddu, Orwen & Orgoch | Arawn | Padraic Ratigan | Thugs (Fidget, Felicia & Bartholomew) | Bill Sykes | Roscoe and DeSoto | Ursula | Flotsam and Jetsam | Glut | Percival C. McLeach | Joanna | Beast | Gaston LeGume | LeFou | Asylum D'Loons (Monsieur D'Arque) | Tom, Dick, Stanley & Walter | The Baker | Wolves | Jafar | Iago | Razoul | Gazeem | Cave of Wonders | Scar | Hyena Clan (Shenzi, Banzai & Ed) | John Ratcliffe | Claude Frollo | Frollo's Soldiers (Brutish Captain & Oafish Guard) | Hades | Pain & Panic | Fates | Cerberus | Titans (Lythos, Hydros, Pyros, Stratos & Cyclops) | Nessus | Hydra | Nemean Lion | Shan Yu | Hayabusa | Elite Hun Soldiers | Cecil Clayton | Sabor | Clayton's Pirates | Firebird | Black Triangles | Jack-in-the-Box | Kron | Bruton | Emperor Kuzco | Yzma | Kronk | Lyle Tiberius Rourke | Rourke's Mercenaries (Helga Katrina Sinclair) | Leviathan | Vikings | Gantu | Long John Silver | Pirates (Scroop, Onus, Hands, Turnbuckle, Blinko, Longbourne, Fayvoon, Grewnge, Krailoni, Hedley, Torrance, Mertock, Verne & Crex) | Nathaniel Flint | Alameda Slim | Rico | Mr. Wesley | DOR-15 | Mike Yagoobian | Dr. Calico | Dr. Facilier | Lawrence | Facilier's Shadow | Friends on the Other Side | Mother Gothel | Stabbington Brothers | Turbo | Cy-Bugs | Sour Bill | Wynnchel & Duncan | Prince Hans | Duke of Weselton | Erik & Francis | Yokai | Alistair Krei | Mr. Yama | Dawn Bellwether | Doug Ramses | Woolter | Jesse | Sheep Cops | Ram Thug | Duke Weaselton | Mr. Big | Polar Bear Thugs (Koslov, Raymond & Kevin) | Te Kā | Tamatoa | Kakamora | Arthur

Live-Action Movies
Long John Silver | Captain Nemo | Pony Sugrue | Prince John (1952) | Chato | The Marten | Kuala | Vicky Robinson | Ute Chief | Jacques Lebeau | Makoos | Durante | Barnaby | James Haggin | Cattlemen | Comanche Chief | Apaches | Mr. Dawes Sr. | Tanamashu | Judge Higgins | Mountain Ox | Peter Thorndyke | Vince Heber | Mrs. Satterfield | A.J. Arno | Chillie Walsh | Colonel Pierson | Ab Cross | Colonel Heller | King Leonidas | Bookman | Swinburne | Mr. Eben | Mark Pierson | Hugh McRae | Sam Eagle Speaker | Kerwood Krinkle | Frank Stillwell | Hnup Wan | Dr. Terminus | Gogans | Charles Olympus | Marshal Wooly Bill Hitchcock | Big Mac | Hans Reinhardt | The Watcher | Bluto | Vermithrax Pejorative | Master Control Program | Sark | Ed Dillinger Sr. | Mark Jennings | Kelly | Mr. Dark | Mike | Rosie Little | Hunters | The Nome King | Princess Mombi | Connie | Bullwhip | Parker | Buzz | Wolf's owner | Timber Wolf | Hunter | Eagle | Alistair Patton | Patton Snr. | Judge Doom | Toon Patrol (Smarty, Greasy, Psycho, Wheezy & Stupid) | Abdullah | Mr. Patel | Nigel | John Merrick | Beauty Smith | Luke and Tinker | Sykes | Cherokee | Lip-Lip | Fritz | Neville Sinclair | Lothar | Jack Reilly | Nigel Snyder | Joseph Pulitzer | Delancey Brothers | Charles Hendrickson | Winifred Sanderson | Mary Sanderson | Sarah Sanderson | John Ricketts | The King & the Duke | Pap Finn | Cardinal Richelieu | Comte de Rochefort | Milady de Winter | Borg Guillarson | Leland Drury | Mr. Heath | Miners | Lloyd Halverson | William Boone | Buldeo | John Wilkins | Tabaqui (1994) | Sergeant Harley | Shere Khan (1994) | Bandar Log (1994) (King Louie (1994) & Kaa (1994)) | Juice (Blank Check) | Ranch Wilder | Injun Joe | Tony Perkis | Agent Woods | Jack and Ralph | Ashcan and Pete | Aunt Sponge | Aunt Spiker | Rhino | Skeleton Pirates | Shark | Cruella De Vil (1996) | Jasper & Horace Badun (1996) | Mr. Skinner | Jean-Pierre Le Pelt | Alonzo | Norman Snively | Ricky King | Charlotte | Lyle Van de Groot | Max & Thor | Lion | Beatrice Stanhope | Chester Hoenicker | Wilson Croft | Smith and Wesson | Bennett Hoenicker | Luanne LeSeur | Meredith Blake | Shere Khan (1998) | Tabaqui (1998) | Bandar Log (1998) | Eddie Taffet | Andrei Strasser | Elliot Coleye | Dr. Claw | Kramer | RoboGadget | Malcolm | Lana Thomas | Elliot T. Jindraike | Toy Santa | Louise Walker | Mr. Sir | Charles “Trout” Walker | Kissin' Kate Barlow | Linda Walker | Sheriff | Hector Barbossa | Crew of the Black Pearl (Bo'sun, Scratch & Pintel & Ragetti) | Ramsley | Zombies | Carla Santini | Lord Kelvin | Black Scorpions (General Fang) | Inspector Fix | Viscount Mabrey | Ian Howe | Captain Bill Fawcett | Zaphod Beeblebrox | Frankie and Benjy | Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz | Vogons | Humma Kavula | Gag Halfrunt | Royal Pain | Stitches | Lash | Speed | Penny Lent | Jadis the White Witch | Jadis' Secret Police (Maugrim & Vardan) | Ginarrbrik | General Otmin | Dr. Kozak | Jack Frost | Davy Jones | Crew of the Flying Dutchman (Maccus & Kraken) | Lord Cutler Beckett | East India Trading Company | Janice Avery | Queen Narissa | Mitch Wilkinson | Simon Bar Sinister | El Diablo | Henry Burke | Miraz | Telmarines (Glozelle & Lord Sopespian) | Nikabrik | Hag & Werewolf | Kendall Duncan | Tess Tyler | Speckles | Lucinda | Oswald Granger | Red Queen | Knave of Hearts | Card Soldiers | Jabberwock | Jubjub Bird | Hamish Ascot | Morgana le Fay | Morganians (Maxim Horvath, Abigail Williams, Sun Lok, Drake Stone & Marrok) | Nizam | Ms. Stout | CLU 2 | Rinzler | Blackbeard | Angelica Teach | The Spaniard | King Ferdinand VI | King George ll | Sab Than | Matai Shang | Tal Hajus | Jenny | Latham Cole | Butch Cavendish | Jay Fuller | Evanora | Theodora | Maleficent (2014) | Diaval | King Stefan (2014) | King Henry | The Witch | The Wolf | Lady Tremaine (2015) | Grand Duke (2015) | Anastasia Tremaine (2015) | Drizella Tremaine (2015) | Lucifer (2015) | David Nix | Shere Khan (2016) | Bandar Log (2016) (King Louie (2016)) | Kaa (2016) | Fleshlumpeater | Giants (Bloodbottler & Bonecruncher) | Pramod Kadam | Beast (2017) | Gaston LeGume (2017) | LeFou (2017) | Asylum D'Loons (2017) (Monsieur D'Arque (2017)) | Tom, Dick & Stanley (2017) | The Baker (2017) | Wolves (2017) | The King (2017) | Armando Salazar | Crew of the Silent Mary (Lesaro) | Scarfield | It | Heffalumps | Sugar Plum Fairy | Tin Soldiers | William Weatherall Wilkins | V.A. Vandevere | Neils Skellig | Pink Elephants (2019) | Rufus Sorghum | Jafar (2019) | Iago (2019) | Cave of Wonders (2019) | Scar (2019) | Hyena Clan (2019) (Shenzi, Kamari and Azizi)

Other Animated Movies
Br'er Fox & Br'er Bear | Giant Magnet | Evil Clown | Merlock | Dijon | Oogie Boogie | Lock, Shock and Barrel | Bill Bluff | BluffCo Industries (Guy Graham, Bob & Bluff Agents) | Phillium Benedict | Anti-Recess Legion (Kojak, Fenwick, Anti-Recess Agents, Anti-Recess Ninjas, Anti-Recess Scientists, Agent Henderson, Agent Smithson, Agent Underville, Agent Franklin, Agent Morrisey, Agent Goodman, Dr. Rosenthal, Dr. Lazenby & Dr. Steinheimer) | Gelman | Ivan Krank | Von Talon | Cufflingk & Underlingk | Kazar | Wildebeests (Blag) | Vidia | Supervisor | Mr. Whiskers | Shelley | Were-Rat | Sea Monkeys | Mr. Burgermeister | Ripslinger | Zed | Ned | Zarina

Sequels
Abis Mal | Sa'Luk | Forty Thieves | Maestro Forte | Fife | Jesters | Zira | Outsiders (Nuka & Vitani) | Mack McCro | Supreme Commander | Morgana | Undertow | Cloak & Dagger | Bradley Uppercrust III | The Gammas | Buster | Sarousch | Pom-Pom | Tad White | Jacques von Hämsterviel | Reuben | Sparky | Leroy | Erik Hellstrom | Lil' Lightning | Lord Qin | Bandits | Mama Gunda | Uto and Kago | Marina Del Rey | Cad Spinner

Shorts, TV Shows, Comics and Video Games
Peg Leg Pete | Phantom Blot | Skeletons | Grim Reaper | Mad Doctor | Demon Cats | Gustav | Lonesome Ghosts | Doctor Vulter | Solego the Chaos God | Arpine Lusène | Eli Squinch | Sylvester Shyster | Fantomius | Inquinator | Spectrus | Zafire | H. U. Hennessy | Jolly Roger | Witch | Zeke Midas Wolf | Captain Katt | Mortimer Mouse | Beagle Boys | Foxy Loxy | Ajax | Witch Hazel | Adolf Hitler | Nazi School Teacher | Little Hans | Fat Cat | Norton Nimnul | Aldrin Klordane | Baby Thaddeus | Stan & Heff | Wooster | Julius | Frankenollie | Mizrabel | Huntsman | Huntsgirl | Al Roker | Chuckles | Princess Irmaplotz | Sharky & Bones | Red Jessica | Beatrice Le Beak | ShiverJack | Grace Goodwin | Shadow Blot | False Shadow Blot | Foxy Loxy | Goosey Loosey | Cedric | Wormwood | Miss Nettle | Sofia the Worst | Mamanu | Princess Ivy | Wendell Fidget | Muck, Gunk & Grime | Crispy | Prisma | Twitch | Vor | Captain Hook | Shuriki | Fiero | Troyo | Rippen | Andrew | Varian | Cruz | Vestia | Oswald Gardner | King Edmund | Cassandra | Zhan Tiri | Tromus | Sugracha the Eternal

Disney Parks
Alien | Auctioneer | Bartholomew Gore | Black Prince | The Bride | Constance Hatchaway | Daisy de la Cruz | Executioner | Hatbox Blast-Ups | Hatbox Ghost | Hitchhiking Ghosts | Knight of the Living Dead | Lava Monster | Mad Hatter | Madame Leota | Master Gracey | Medusa | Monkey King Statue | Nebula Ghosts | Phantom | Pirates | Professor J.T. Wu | S.I.R. | Thunderbird | Werecat Lady | Yeti (Expedition Everest) | Yeti (Matterhorn Bobsleds)

           Buena Vista International Villains

Touchstone
The Hitchhiker | Kelly | Bleak | Graydon | Judge Doom | Toon Patrol (Smarty, Greasy, Psycho, Wheezy & Stupid) | Howard Hyde | Walter Boyett | Zack Gregory | Philip Stuckey | Dr. Leo Marvin | Oogie Boogie | Lock, Shock and Barrel | Elijah Price | Orange Man | Green Alien | Zaphod Beeblebrox | Frankie and Benjy | Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz | Vogons | Humma Kavula | Gag Halfrunt | Gene Carson | Zero Wolf | Middle Eye | Hilly Holbrook | Jerry Dandridge | Evil Ed | Roland | Bog King | Kevin Wendell Crumb | Ellie Staple

Hollywood Pictures
President Koopa | Lena | Goombas | Captain Frye | Captain Darrow | General Hummel | Mrs. Collins |

Miramax
King Mighty One-Eye | One-Eyes (Zigzag & Phido) | Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield | Marsellus Wallace | Zed | Maynard | Roxie Hart | Billy Flynn | Velma Kelly | Fred Casely | Cook County Jail inmates | Bill Cutting | Boss Tweed | Sir Edgar | Heston

Dimension Films
Victor "Vic" Vega | Mr. Pink | Mr. White | Mr. Blue | Mr. Brown | Eddie Cabot | Top Dollar | Grange | Myca | Billy Loomis | Stu Macher | Debbie Loomis | Mickey Altieri | Roman Bridger | John Milton | Ethan Roark Jr. | Ethan Roark | Patrick Henry Roark | Jill Roberts | Charlie Walker | Ava Lord

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