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Friends comes in all sizes.
~ Rainbow Randolph
I'm Rainbow f--king Randolph. Kids love me.
~ Randolph Smiley (also known as Rainbow Randolph), while being arrested for bribery.
I'm a fraud. I'm a wicked man who's done wicked acts.
~ Rainbow Randolph, after his epiphany.

Randolph Smiley, or better known by his rainbow-clad TV persona Rainbow Randolph, is the former host of a children television show Rainbow Randolph Show, and he was the deuteragonist of the 2002 American dark comedy film Death to Smoochy.

He was portrayed by the late Robin Williams, who also played Walter Finch in the 2002 film InsomniaSeymour "Sy" Parrish in One Hour Photo, and Merritt Rook in the Law & Order: Special Victims Unit episode "Authority".


Rainbow Randolph & the Krinkle Kids

Rainbow Randolph with Angelo Pike and the Krinklekids on the Rainbow Randolph Show.

Randolph Smiley was a natural, marginal Broadway talent who was hired by a children's television network called Kidnet to be the star of his own show, and so there was The Rainbow Randolph Show, with the host Rainbow Randolph, a friendly and enthusiastic man with an extremely effervescent and playful attitude wearing a white suit with his memorable colorful coat, a yellow bow tie, white casual shoes, a white bowler hat, and white gloves. However, on the dark side during his career and off the set, Randolph makes his business to take bribes from parents to have their kids a spot on his show, and he has been enjoying it in secrecy ever since.
Rainbow Randolph sings

Rainbow Randolph sings his own theme song on the Rainbow Randolph Show.

However, unknown to the happily corrupt Rainbow Randolph, he is being watched by the Federal Communications Commission (FFC) who been probing his extracurricular activities on-and-off the stage, they have enlisted the help of the FBI who is involved to help to catch dirty crooks like Randolph Smiley red-handed in a despicable and blameworthy act.

Busted by FBI Agents

Two FBI agents disguised as parents caught and arrested Rainbow Randolph red-handed.

One night, Randolph Smiley was in a Patsy's Warehouse restaurant in New York, meeting a married couple who approached him with a nice large sum of cash in exchange for their son to have a spot on his show. He tells them that he will call them when the spot on the show opens up. All of sudden, it reveals to be a FBI sting with two federal agents posing as the parents catching him in the act. They arrest him and take him away.

After that night, the news of it spread fast all over the media, newspaper, and everything else. His show was cancelled and Rainbow Randolph himself was out of business.

Rainbow Randolph's Revenge

Six months later, while Randolph was currently broke and homeless, his replacement Sheldon Mopes was hired by Kidnet to take over his old timeslot and created his own show Smoochy's Magic Jungle.

Later, Frank Stokes, Randolph's old friend, reluctantly agreed to meet with him. They both met at docks of a pier outside New York City. Randolph begged him to give him back his old timeslot, but there's nothing Frank could do for Randolph. Randolph then sets a scheme to destroy Mopes's career and regain his show too all fail. While a live recording of Smoochy was going on, Rainbow Randolph sneaks into the prop room and replaces the healthy cookies with inappropriate shaped cookies (and reuniting with his old rainbow jacket). When Smoochy picked up the inappropriate shaped cookie, he improvises by saying that is a rocket ship. Enraged, Rainbow Randolph comes out of hiding and rants about the cookie is shaped like an inappropriate body part (with its nicknames) and then gets kicked out by security. Rainbow Randolph goes to Angelo Pike's apartment and explains he is homeless (since he was kicked out of the corporate penthouse), so Angelo allowed him to stay at his apartment. Mopes becomes enraged to learn that Burke signed him up to star in a Smoochy ice show he feels that the event will exploit children. Burke and Merv Green, the heads of the corrupt charity running the ice show, unsuccessfully warn Mopes from backing out of the event.

Mr. Benjamin McKnucklepeck

"You're funny! Hey! There's vodka and potato chips back there if you're hungry."

Soon afterward, Randolph, disguised as a Scottish gentlemen by the name "Mr. Benjamin McKnucklepeck", dupes Mopes into doing a Smoochy act at a neo-Nazi rally that is raided by the police under the presumption that it would be an award banquet held by the Parents for Decency in Children's TV organization. Smoochy is labeled a racist and fired. Rainbow Randolph was so excited for the downfall of Smoochy due to this incident, that he danced everywhere in New York. His fun did not last long, however, when Randolph came to Nora's place to get his career back, as he accidentally lets it slip to Nora that he framed Smoochy, he is beaten up by Irish mob boss Tommy Cutter and her men into confessing for his crime and then arrested.

While being taken out of the police station, he was crowded with news people and protesters. When asked how does it feel to be the most hated person in America, he claims he wears the hatred as a badge of honor. When asked about the accusations from Nora about his obsession with Sheldon Mopes, he claims he barely knows Nora. When asked about the rumors about him being mentally unbalanced, he attacks the guy who asked that question because he would deny that rumor. He felt someone touching his butt and told the protesters to get away from him and not to touch him, but one person throws an egg at him as he gets into the car. Smoochy's reputation and show are restored.

Later, at Angelo's apartment, in frustration, he smashes the TV which was airing Smoochy-related media with a lamp and calling Smoochy illegitimate and devilish parodies of real life characters such as Barney the Dinosaur, Teletubbies, Muppets, and anyone else before he gets kicked out of Angelo's apartment. Later, he attacks a person working at a donation table called "Save the Rhino."

Rainbow Randolph's Angel

Rainbow Randolph was rescued by his "angel", a little girl.

Randolph, in a state of manic depression, was at the middle of Times Square preaching to everyone the pain he suffered at the hands of Smoochy.

Homeless Rainbow Randolph

Rainbow Randolph, while being homeless, continues to contemplate his misery.

He decided to end his life, for he can no longer live in a world where the innocent suffers and the wicked thrived, by pouring a small container of gasoline on him and lighting a match, willing to burn himself to death. That is, until he was saved by a little girl who he considered his angel right before her daddy grabbed her and took her to see Smoochy when everyone saw him arriving at Times Square. Randolph continued to contemplate his misery and his hatred of Sheldon Mopes.

Rainbow Randolph is back!

Rainbow Randolph shows up with a gun.

After the death of Moochy (a.k.a. Spinner Dunn), cousin of Smoochy, police and angry mobs are hunting for Randolph due to the hatred for Sheldon Mopes. He goes into hiding in an abandoned biscuit factory until he finds a picture of Nora and Sheldon in a magazine. He then corners Mopes and Nora in their penthouse and threatens to kill them. They talk him down and discover that he is depressed and genuinely misses entertaining children. Mopes empathetically offers to let Randolph stay in the penthouse until he recovers. Sheldon also explains that he and Nora will go to the police the next day, telling them that Randolph is innocent of the death of Moochy.

Burke and Stokes hire heroin addict Buggy Ding Dong, another former host, to assassinate Mopes during his ice show. Buggy steals a backstage pass to get inside, but Randolph was informed by Angelo of Buggy being in his apartment and Rainbow Randolph goes to the ice show. Some of the people see Randolph at the ice show and wanted to take pictures with him (for the children at least). He took the pictures, signed some autographs, and went into the audience area. When he notices Burke and Stokes looking up and ran to the rafters, he realizes that Buggy is on there and runs up there. Randolph manages to tackle Buggy just as he tries to shoot Mopes from the rafters. Randolph and Buggy struggle for the sniper rifle, until Buggy falls to his death. The police then lifted Randolph to safety, but he faints after. After Mopes realizes that Burke and Stokes set him up, he chases after Burke into an alley. He pulls a gun and threatens to kill Burke, but Cotter and her men arrive and persuade him to stop as they will take care of Burke and Stokes. With Rainbow Randolph saving Smoochy, his reputation for his job as a TV show host has been restored.

The movie ends with Smoochy and Rainbow Randolph with Nora Wells as their co-host, launching a new show together.


Part 1

You want your little booger eater on my show?
~ Rainbow Randolph
Then don't tell me how to run my fucking business.
~ Rainbow Raindolph
I came to think you weren't coming Frank. You've forgotten about me.
~ Rainbow Randolph to Frank Stokes.
Really? I used to have dinner engagements, four or five a night.
~ Rainbow Randolph
I walked into this restaurant, Frank. 10 guys would reached for my hat. I stand up and take a piss. They cleared the restroom. You know why, Frank...? I'm Rainbow f**king Randolph! That's why!
~ Rainbow Randolph to Frank Stokes.
What, you got things to do? Don't have time for me? The guy who earned for you? Put the Armini surplus suit on your back? The Coq au vin in your Brooklyn mouth?
~ Rainbow Randolph to Frank Stokes.
Frank, you got to fix this! I want my old time slot back! I can't sit and watch that rhinoceros, that one-horned carpet bag and gets my time slot! He gets a free ride on my dime! Come on Frank, we got a history...
~ Rainbow Randolph begging Frank Stokes.
Don't do this to me Frank. I'm drowning, I'm going for the last time here. They kicked me out of the corporate penthouse. I'm homeless. Put your self in my compesios buddy.
~ Rainbow Randolph to Frank Stokes.
You know what to do with a hand lotion, jerk-off.
~ Rainbow Randolph
You'll get yours Frank! The rhino too! The wheels are turning!
~ Rainbow Randolph vowing revenge against Frank Stokes and Smoochy the Rhino.
Sooner or later, even a guy who's squeaky clean falls into mud.
~ Rainbow Randolph.
Bonsoir, le Smoochy. Welcome to Fatty Arbuckle-land.
~ Rainbow Randolph
Don't worry little ones, Rainbow Randolph will return.
~ Rainbow Randolph
Give them a cookie. Give them a cookie.
~ Rainbow Randolph
Whatever that means, you f**king peasant.
~ Rainbow Randolph
What are you, blind? It's a c**k!
~ Rainbow Randolph
It's not a rocket, you sick f**k! It's a cock!
~ Rainbow Randolph
Look. It's a c**k and balls! A d*ck! Chorizo and the huevos! It's a big stiffy! Yeah, it's a penis! Penis maximus! A willie! A weenie! Mr. Jiggle Daddy! A wang! The one-eyed wonder weasel! Don't ya see that?! It's Jimmy and the twins. Rumple Foreskin. He made it. He made that thing. It's made from dil-dough!
~ Rainbow Randolph
I'm Rainbow f**king Randolph. I know the way out-- Ahhhhh!!
~ Rainbow Randolph

Part 2

Open up, baby, it's Randolph. It's been a long time.
~ Rainbow Randolph
Angie. F**king traitor! My body was barely cold, then you went to work for the rhino!
~ Rainbow Randolph to Angelo Pike.
You stripped that horn faster then a hooker leaves Salt Lake!
~ Rainbow Randolph to Angelo Pike
You're a Krinkle Kid, not a Smooch-bag! Say it!
~ Rainbow Randolph
Say it before God and all of the bones of the saints! Say it!
~ Rainbow Randolph
I missed you so much. Can I stay here? I got no place else to go.
~ Rainbow Randolph asking Angelo Pike he could stay at his apartment.
They kicked me out of the corporate penthouse. Sons of bitches. That's how I got this beauty. I got liens, back taxes, lawyers' bills, threats against my life. I got the whole world up my f**king ass! Don't you worry. I got a long memory, baby. 'Because what they sow, they going to reap, Angie!' (Laughing and then sobbing)
~ Rainbow Randolph to Angelo Pike.
But it's the Rhino Angie. The Devil sent him from Hell to destroy me. Smoochy is the face of evil.
~ Rainbow Randolph to Angelo Pike about Smoochy the Rhino.
You better grow eyes in the back of your f**king head, you horned piece of sh*t, because I'm not gonna sleep until worms are crawling up your foam rubber ass. I'm going on a safari motherf**ker. Safari.... (elephant trumpet sound).
~ Rainbow Randolph to Smoochy the Rhino.
Mr. Mopes? I'm Benjamin McKnucklepeck. I'm calling from Parents for Decency in Children's TV. Have you heard of us?
~ Rainbow Randolph/Mr. McKnucklepeck to Sheldon Mopes.
Tomorrow we're having a banquet. We'd be honored if you performed. We want to present a plaque to you for your commitment to children's TV. The presenter will be a young orphan with mild asthma. Can you attend?
~ Mr. McKnucklepeck/Rainbow Randolph to Sheldon Mopes.
No worries, Mr. Mopes. A chance to have Smoochy at our soire......I'd stick my willie in a nest of funnelwebs if I had to.
~ Mr. McKnucklepeck to Sheldon Mopes.
You're funny! Hey! There's vodka and potato chips back there if you're hungry.
~ Mr. McKnucklepeck
You know I never eaten Korean food, but thank you for that information.
~ Mr. McKnucklepeck
That's why the wee ones loved your show so much, you can learn and laugh at the same time. Such a fresh change from that dreadful embezzler, that Rainbow Randy-- what was his name?
~ Mr. McKnucklepeck/Rainbow Randolph to Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy the Rhino.
Oh, Randolph. Aye, that's a scoundrel. Probably gay too.
~ Mr. McKnucklepeck/Rainbow Randolph to Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy the Rhino.
He's a pillow biter, ya know. The old uhm.
~ Mr. McKnucklepeck
Aye, aye, right. Yeah, but don't you take a particular glee in the fact that you've stolen his time slot and you're shoveling dirt on his miserable corpse as it were?
~ Mr. McKnucklepeck/Rainbow Randolph to Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy the Rhino.
Ah, come on! He's a miserable c**ksucker! A f**king asshole! You hate him! Admit it!
~ Mr. McKnucklepeck/Rainbow Randolph to Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy the Rhino.
Oh, the wee ones are ready for you.
~ Mr. Benjamin McKnucklepeck aka Rainbow Randolph.

Part 3

There you go! Let's shake a stick!
~ Mr. Benjamin McKnucklepeck aka Rainbow Randolph.
Ah, Mr. Mopes, we'd like to keep it no frills. It's all about the wee ones.
~ Mr. McKnucklepeck to Smoochy the Rhino.
Something inane, I sure.
~ Mr. Knucklepeck/Rainbow Randolph (secretly mocking Smoochy the Rhino).
Not to worry Mr. Mopes, you're going to make a dent. Go out there and hook your horn.
~ Mr. McKnucklepeck to Smoochy the Rhino.
Hey! 'Auf Wiedersehen.
~ Mr. Knucklepeck aka Rainbow Randolph
Hello little nipple-nibbler. The rhino's a Nazi.
~ Rainbow Randolph to a baby about Smoochy the Rhino.
♪The rhino's screwedo.♪ ♪The rhino is screwed!♪♪
~ Rainbow Randolph about Smoochy the Rhino.
Can you spare 60 seconds for a Smiley old face from your past?
~ Randolph Smiley aka Rainbow Randolph.
Hello, kitten. Well, so here's the good news. You and Frank are in bit of a bind. I'd be happy to end my sabbatical and come back. I could start Monday. No meat. When did you become a vegetarian? You can start telling the guys at props and costumes that the old R-Man is back, ready to start whistling them happy tunes to the little chil'lins.
~ Rainbow Randolph to Nora Wells.
Whose toes you have to suck to get a drink around here?
~ Rainbow Randolph
Oh missy, come on now. You need someone for that slot and I'm here to reclaim what's rightfully mine.
~ Rainbow Randolph to Nora Wells.
Have you lost your affection for me? Have you forgotten what we once had?
~ Rainbow Randolph to Nora Wells.
And limber. Why we broke up, I'll never know.
~ Rainbow Randolph to Nora Wells.
We could have worked through that. Goddamn it, Nora! The public is clamoring for me. I'm a f**king patriot compared to Mopes. Mopes is a Nazi! Probably gay too." You should've seen the way he was checking me out in the car!
~ Rainbow Randolph to Nora Wells.
I'm just saying it's a vibe. Ya know, a homosexual Nazi vibe. Something emmits from the TV. What's with the Smoochy costume? Big erect horn, what's that all about?Rainbow Randolph
What do you mean talking fast? I'm not talking fast." I still love you, Nora. It's obvious, isn't it?
~ Rainbow Randolph to Nora Wells.
I know why we broke up now: always the insinuations and accusations. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!!
~ Rainbow Randolph to Nora Wells.
I'm trying to sleep asshole! Read the f**king meter some other time!
~ Rainbow Randolph
This is private property. You're f**king trespassing....(scream).
~ Rainbow Randolph
(Groaning in pain)..........I don't know what you're talking about. I'm minding my own business here. You're violating my private spaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......(Groans).
~ Rainbow Randolph

Part 4

  • "Alright you spud-sucking f**ks! I'm suing your River Dance ass! I'm gonna send all you back home, eh?!"
  • "I did it! It was me! It was all me! Thank God we cleared everything without further violence."
  • "My name isn't Wandolph, it's Randolph."
  • "In a country full of Neanderthals, I wear it as a f**king badge of honor."
  • "Well, I barely know that bitch okay, and she's been down on everything but the Titanic. She scratched my cream cheese for Sheldon."
  • "Who the f**k said that? I'm not mentally imbalanced, I'm on the same dosage I've always been!"
  • "Someone grabbed my ass! Get away from me! Don't touch me!"
  • "I've been shot! I'm bleeding! Salmonella! You're a lawyer! That's salmonella! I want some room to breathe!"
  • "I despise you. I loathe you!"
  • "Bastard son of Barney!"
  • "Die! Die, you soft son of Flop! You illegitimate Teletubby! Die, you Muppet from Hell! Die, you foam motherf**ker! Die! Die!"
  • "It was an accident."
  • "(Screams) I'm the one who needs to be saved, not that ottoman with the hood ornament! Me! Save the Rainbow! Save the Rainbow!"
  • "This is the story about a venomous rhino and his aggressive campaign to slander, vilify, defame, denigrate, and villainize my good name! But the one thing he can't do is take away my life! Only I have the power to do that. Smoochy did this to me! I could no longer live in a world where the innocents suffer and the wicked thrive! I'm sorry for putting you through this my friends, don't try to talk me out of this! Aaaaahhhhhaaa! You won't see another Rainbow Randolph in this life time! This is for you Smoochy! You did this to me!"
  • "Oh God, what does it all mean?!"
  • "What's up?! Two for the price of one! How convenient. How serendipitous.
  • "Oh, what the f**k am I watching here? Your little soap opera? (Gibberish).......SHUT UP! This is my show! Do you have any idea the power of a condemned man, do you?"
  • "Oh, go blow yourself Martha. Look what you've done to this place. It's all Dian Fossey; when I lived here, it was Bob Fosse. Right there, had a big painting of a naked chick, holding a little plant, very tasteful, no bush; not a picture of your f**king mother!"
  • "Oh thank you Mother Theresa. Why don't you tell that to the angry mob outside? They want my f**king ass. I'm like a Goddamn toaster at Macy's! Randolph's Ass: Aisle 3."
  • "Oh-ho-ho-no. Do not start with your magician's tricks, young Moses. I am Pharaoh, and you are my slave, and this is my kingdom!"
  • "She's right, you know. Don't make the same mistake I did. Keep your dignity intact. Ahh.... my balls! They're on fire!"
  • "I don't know. I'm kinda f**ked up in general, so it's hard to gauge."


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