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Chief Randall Crawford is the deuteragonist of the Netflix original series Paradise P.D., who is mainly a hero but has often done villainous and heinous acts. He is a quick-to-anger, loud-mouthed, needlessly profane corrupt police officer, who works for Paradise Police Department. He serves as the abusive father of the heroic protagonist, Kevin Crawford as well as the misogynistic husband of fallen hero, Karen Crawford.
He is voiced by Tom Kenny.
Biography[]
Childhood[]
Randall was born to Mavis Crawford and an unseen father and was an only child for most of his life. One day, Mavis took notice of her sister, Anita Johnson's alcoholism and saw her unfit to raise her only child, so she sent Anita to get rehabilitated and took her son, Woody Johnson, under her wing. Initially, Randall and his cousin, Woody were the best of friends. However, when Woody started to share Randall's spotlight as Anita's son, he became jealous. The last straw was when Woody revealed that he had just been adopted. Randall beat himself up with a video game system and then went to Mavis, saying that Woody beat him up. Mavis believed the lie and disowned Woody, believing him to be a sociopathic threat, who deserved to live with his abusive mother. After this, Randall went back to being the precious only child of Mavis and Woody's briefly wonderful childhood was ruined.
Sometime during his early childhood, Randall was in the boy scouts, where he was molested by a man known only as "Denmaster Dan".
Adolescence[]
When Randall was a teenager in high school (sometime in the mid to late 70's or early 80's), he played the game Dungeons & Dragons and created the name for himself, "Waldack Whitestaff". As a Dungeons & Dragons nerd, he got mercilessly teased and bullied at school for it, getting himself beaten up by the football team, the girl's swim team, and the special needs kids.
Adulthood[]
As an adult, Randall became a police officer, working for Paradise Police Department.
In 1985, Randall was put on a case, where he had to identify a Jane Doe victim by nothing but a dismembered ass. Randall never solved the case and drove himself to madness over it. He went through 4 years of shock therapy afterwards.
Marriage & Parenthood[]
Randall first met his soon-to-be-wife, Karen Crawford, when the latter was trapped in a burning building and Randall saved her. Karen admired Randall for being so strong and heroic and shortly after her lover died in the fire, she fell in love with Randall and the two got married.
In 2000, Randall and Karen had a son, who they named Kevin. The two never gave Kevin a middle name because the doctor refused to register his middle name on account of it being a racial slur.
Throughout Kevin's early childhood, Randall loved him very much and wholeheartedly supported his son's dream of him one day becoming a police officer just like him.
Testicular Destruction & Divorce[]
In 2005, Randall and Karen were having sex and Kevin found Randall's gun, left unattended in the pocket of his police uniform. Kevin entered Randall and Karen's bedroom with the gun and pretended to be shooting it. However, he accidentally fired a bullet for real and shot Randall right in the testicle, popping it bad. Randall screamed and yelled in pain and Kevin tried to put the safety on but only fired another bullet and popped open Randall's other testicle. Ever since this tragic accident, Randall resented the idea of Kevin becoming a cop and discouraged him from following his dream. Karen still supported Kevin's dream, going against Randall's wishes and making him mad at her.
Following the destruction of Randall's testicles, he started to lose his masculinity and needed to use testosterone patches just to keep himself from losing his mustache and growing breasts. Randall also became a lot more hostile and quick-to-anger against both his wife and son. Karen didn't like this new side of Randall and the two slowly started to drift apart because of this. Sometime during Kevin's later childhood, Karen was fed up with Randall's hateful behavior divorced Randall for being stubborn, sexist, and generally awful to be around, and left him with full custody of Kevin. Kevin would occasionally visit his mother, however, and stay in touch with her.
During Randall and Karen's divorce, the latter became the mayor just to spite him, remembering that during their time together, Randall told her that as a woman, she'd never be elected mayor.
Working With Kevin[]
In 2018, Karen made Kevin a police officer of Paradise P.D. out of love and support for her son and the added bonus of spite for her ex. Since then, Randall has been forced to keep Kevin on board as a police officer at Paradise Police Department.
Appearance[]
Randall is a shabby, pudgy, middle-aged Caucasian adult male with pale brown slowly thinning hair. He has a mustache and a large chin with a very pronounced cleft on it. He wears a navy blue police uniform, decorated with a bunch of meaningless golden police badges, and the Paradise Police Department's iconic logo of a puckering anus. We also wears a black tie, a black duty holster, and black shoes.
Personality[]
Randall is an incensed, obscene, and somewhat rightfully cantankerous police chief, who seems to be in a permanently bad mood on account of how remarkably abusive his life has been to him over the past few years. On top of his wife divorcing him, his archrival outshining him in his field, all his employees being unskillful stooges, and his son shooting him in the testicles, he's led a long life of grievous failures and embarrassing losses. However, no matter how much shit the monkeys of life have to fling at him, he still powers through it all and keeps true to his job and his goals in life, no matter how distant and unachievable they may seem.
Villainous Acts[]
- In "Welcome to Paradise", Randall dropped a tear gas bomb in The Red Lobster to ruin a date between Dr. Dinkle and Karen Crawford.
- In "Black & Blue", Randall admitted to occasionally shooting innocent minorities.
- In "Karla", Randall got addicted to heroin and started buying it from Dusty Marlowe and Bullet. He even pawned off a watch that was given to him by his dead grandfather. He didn't know it was Heroin in the chicken though.
- In "Christmas in Paradise", Randall falsely imprisoned his son so that he wouldn't find out he was once a male stripper.
- In "Big Ball Energy", Randall attempted to talk a guy into killing himself just to get his balls so he could get a transplant. When this plan failed, he went to the Black Market to illegally buy some human testicles but when the salesman told him the price was too high, he held him at gunpoint and robbed him of all his testicles. Randall ran out of the Black Market, in a blazing gunfire, stealing a large sack of it, most of which he didn't even need. When he came back to Dr. Funtlichter, Dr. Funtlichter assumed he wanted all of the testicles implanted in his scrotum and turned him into a big-balled freak of nature. Randall crushed Karen's face with his newly acquired bag of balls and mutilated her face. This traumatized her to the point where she never wanted to see balls again.
- In "Tucker Carlson is a Huge Dick", it was revealed that Randall paid his sole female employee twenty percent less less than his other co-workers. He also tricked his son into getting his brain busted open by a ram. He gave Kevin so many testosterone patches that he turned into a monster and went on a rampage.
- In "The Father, The Son, and The Holy Post-It Note", Randall broke into the FBI to steal evidence on the houndstooth meth kingpin.
- In "Paradise P.D. Meets Brickleberry", it was revealed that as a child, Randall beat himself up and blamed it on Woody Johnson, leading to the latter getting kicked out of the house and sent to live with his abusive mother.
- In "Operation DD", the depths of his abusive parenthood were explored via flashbacks, that showed him and Karen being extremely rude and insulting to Kevin, as a child. It was also revealed later in that episode that Randall occasionally uses his son's birth certificate to steal his identity.
- In "Fallout", Randall was quick to break his previous promise of being a nicer father to Kevin and even acted like a shitty husband to Karen.
- In "Top Cops", Randall was determined to beat Dean Hancock at the Coptathalon and make more arrests than him. He cheated his way to the top by baiting people into committing crimes so he could arrest them, such as dressing Kevin like a child and sending him into a NAMBLA convention. However, Randall also arrested some innocent people such as a biker at the bar, who he tried to provoke into hitting Kevin, only for him to refuse. Despite not enacting any violence, Randall had him arrested. Randall's final goal was to convert Kevin to Judaism and have him go to a Neo-Nazi convention so he could wait for the Nazis to strike so he could arrest them. However, when Kevin refused to work that day due to the Sabbath, Randall got pissed off and beat the shit out of him. Gina realized that by beating up Kevin because of his religion, Randall was technically committing a hate crime and arrested him, technically winning him the contest, albeit with the cost of him going to jail.
- In "Trigger Warnings", Randall ran rampant around town, giving guns to everybody, including gangs, prisoners, the mentally ill, the blind, children, Chris Brown, and even Satan himself, thinking this would make America safer for everybody. When Kevin tried to get rid of all the Smart Guns, Randall chased him down and shot his car down with a shotgun and even shot part of Kevin's ear off.
- In "How the Cookie Crumbles", Randall went to the sperm bank to get a vile of his sperm to help him impregnate Karen. However, the yank banker told him that the price for his own semen was way too high. Randall got upset at him for overcharging him and decided that he'd just steal his sperm instead. Randall took a swig from his flask and then attacked the poor man and pinned him down, while he jerked him off, which classifies as his first known act of rape in the show. Gina later came down, attacked him, and arrested him. Despite his punishment, Randall still hadn't learned his lesson and ordered Kevin and Bullet to rob the sperm bank. The plan was for them to get caught so that he would call him to arrest them. Randall would come down "arrest" them, when really he was taking them back with his stolen sperm. However, when Kevin and Bullet set out to do just that, Randall bailed on the plan to go cheat on his wife with a woman named Cookie, who turned out to be Hancock in disguise playing tricks.
- In "Blimp City", Randall hid from his problems on Earth by flying up to a city in the sky called Blimp City, where he partied with Bill Clinton, drank beer, and got lap dances from strippers. When Fitz tried to fly them back home, Randall hijacked the blimp and flew them into outer space. Randall eventually learned his lesson in the end and came back home to face his problems like a man.
- In "The World According to LARP", Randall attempted to murder Hopson by bucking him off his back like a horse and making him fall off the balcony of his mansion to kill him. However, Hopson used his portal gun to land safely right back on Randall's back again. Randall's intended goal was to inherit all of Hopson's money. Randall later tried another murder attempt on Hopson by blindfolding him and taking him out into the forbidden forest, where he'd shoot him and bury him. However, he led Hopson so deep into the woods, that they came across an orgy and Hopson assumed this was the surprise Randall was telling him about and joined in. With all of these witnesses around, Randall couldn't follow through with the murder plan.
- In "Fetal Attraction", Randall tried to kill his unborn son multiple times. He shoved his hand up Karen's vagina and tried to grab him, took out a bat and tried to smack Karen in the belly, and finally waited at the foot of Karen's bed while she slept, holding a gun and awaiting the fetus to come out so he could shoot him.
- In "PARAD-ISIS", a few flashbacks showed Randall sleeping with a man's wife and later reliving himself in the Bellagio fountain. On both instances, Randall avoided getting in trouble by singing "Pump Up the Jam", which distracted the people who got mad at him. Randall psychologically abused Kevin a even more, telling him that his relationship with Gina wasn't legit as women shouldn't need brain surgery to want to fuck him. This was the last straw for Kevin as he told him that because of how much of an asshole he's been to him this past year, despite promising to change, he doesn't want to see his face at his wedding.
- In "The Brozone Lair", after Randall and Karen's second child is born (with adult-like intelligence due to being a 15 year old sperm), they name him "Kevin" and take away the original Kevin's name, dubbing him "AFKAK" ("Asshole Formerly Known As Kevin"). Randall continues to favor the Baby Kevin due to him being a lot more like Randall, and even teaches him to use firearms. He doesn't object to Baby Kevin shooting his older brother and namesake and calls him a "crack shot". He continues to be disrespectful towards the elder Kevin.
- In "Diddy's Home", Randall had his brain implanted into the body of a squirrel, thanks to a prank pulled by Elon Musk. While in the body of a squirrel, he had sex with another squirrel's wife. He eventually got his comeuppance in the end, when the other squirrel sued him for all his acorns. At the end of the episode, Randall got naked in public and had sex with Elon Musk on the streets, committing adultery a second time.
- In "A Star is Porn", it was revealed that back in the early 90's, Randall was part of a children's band called "The Jiggles". During this time, he injected a bunch of cocaine in his penis, causing him to have a mental breakdown on stage during a performance, causing him to tear one of his bandmates' faces off with his teeth and then defecate into another bandmates' face, while profanely pledging his allegiance to Satan, scarring a bunch of children for life. Unsurprisingly, this got him banned from the band.
- In "Good Jeans", Randall broke into a morgue and stole a bunch of clothing off the bodies of random corpses and kept it all, for himself. Later in the episode, he burned a tailor's store down and killed him inside as revenge for him insulting his ass earlier.
- In "The Butt Cut", Randall attempted to murder The Witch twice. He and Dusty later killed James Corden and flayed the skin off his belly. At the end of the episode, Randall had no opposition to Charles Lovely banishing his son, AFKAK, from the city.
- In "Boat!", Randall wasted $10,000,000 on installing moats throughout the streets of Paradise, which probably violated a ton of construction codes. He then recklessly drove his speedboat all around the moats of Paradise, which caused the deaths of several people and the destruction of tons of cars and buildings in the area. Worst of all, he used the drive-thru at a Sonic and snatched his meal from the window without paying for it.
- In "King of the Norf", Randall invaded a secret military alien base.
- In "Sack to the Future", Randall smashed his condiment clone to death under his fist.
Trivia[]
- Randall's exact age is confirmed to be fifty. In "Top Cops", Randall confirmed he was fourty-nine years old and in "Showdown at the O-bese Corral", he celebrated his birthday, making him fifty years old as of 2021.
- This created a plot hole, as in "Ass on the Line", Randall said that he was a detective in 1985. The minimum age for being a detective is twenty-one, meaning that Randall must have been born in the year 1964 or before, making him at least fifty-five as of 2018. However, "Top Cops" and "Showdown at the O-bese Corral" both took place in 2021.
- In "Who Ate Wally's Waffles", Randall proved to Kevin that for some reason, he could only poop once a month and when he did, it was a painful process and it would always come out completely bloody.
- In "Showdown at the O-bese Corral", Randall turned out to be a fat person (about as big as Dusty), who wore a corset to hide his massive belly. Despite being fat, Randall remained "in the closet" and enforced his fatphobic views on the city of Paradise, before changing his ways in the end.
- Randall refuses to commit any homosexual acts unless he gets drunk drunk first.
- This includes peeing and masturbation, both of which he considers homosexual acts, as they technically require him touching a man's penis, while a man touches his penis. That being said, Randall has to have a few beers before he pees or masturbates.
- Randall's mother drank while pregnant with him, leading to him developing a vestigial twin in his chin called his Chin Twin, as he revealed in "Blind Drunk".
- While taking testosterone patches, he resembled Red Hulk.
- He is the PD counterpart of Woody Johnson from Brickleberry, who is also his cousin.
