| “ | Since the birth of time, humanity has endeavored to restrain evil men in prisons. But since Cain fled the murder of his brother, evil men have fled the walls of punishment. So, it doesn't matter if you're a badass motherfucker on the run because you think you're better than everyone else and somehow entitled to do what you gotta do. No. Because, you see, badass motherfuckers are never fast enough. In the end, they will all be accounted for. | „ |
| ~ The Accountant, opening narration of the film |
The Accountant is a character appearing in the 2011 horror/action film Drive Angry.
He is played by William Fichtner, who also played Butch Cavendish in Disney's 2013 adaptation of The Lone Ranger and Eric Sachs in the 2014 adaptation of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
The Accountant is an agent of Satan sent to Earth to retrieve John Milton, who has escaped from Hell. After questioning Piper's former boss and co-worker at a diner, he tracks Milton to Piper's house, where he violently interrogates Piper's ex-fiance Frank as to the whereabouts of Milton, Piper, and Piper's car before he kills him by throwing a broken baseball bat into his face. When the police arrive, the Accountant poses as an FBI agent (turning his silver coin into a badge), apprises the officers of the situation, and urges them to shoot and kill Milton on sight.
The Accountant later catches up to Milton as he and Piper are driving, and taunts Milton, who takes out the Godkiller, a supernatural gun that can kill anything, and fires a bullet that grazes the Accountant's cheek, causing him to lose control of his own car and crash.
Later, two stoners come across the wreckage of the Accountant's car. They watch as the Accountant kicks one of the car doors off its hinges, and said door hits one of the stoners. The Accountant then emerges from the wreckage mostly unscathed (save for a scratch left behind on his cheek by the Godkiller's bullet). When the stoner he hit protests he almost killed him, the Accountant replies "Not even close. I won't see you until you're seventy-three" before turning to the other stoner and informing him he'll see him in a matter of months, much to the other stoner's confusion. The Accountant then leaves.
The Accountant makes his way to Jonah King's church, where he finds a severely injured cultist and interrogates him, learning that King murdered Milton's daughter and intends to sacrifice Milton's infant granddaughter to Satan.
Sometime after that, the Accountant drives a petroleum tanker into the middle of a standoff on a highway between Milton and the police, allowing Milton and Piper to escape. When confronted by the irate police captain, the Accountant again poses as an FBI agent and takes the police to task for messing up his investigation. He then outs one of the officers as one of King's cultists and demands that he call King himself.
Later, the Accountant arrives at the site where King intends to sacrifice Milton's granddaughter and takes Piper hostage, leading to a brief standoff with Milton during which he learns how Milton got the Godkiller (Milton simply walked in and stole it from Satan himself) and explains that he's there to help Milton save his granddaughter, partly because King and his followers are misrepresenting Satan (whom the Accountant describes as an unassuming man who does not take kindly to people murdering others in his name).
The Accountant then allows Milton to go ahead and confront King, but keeps Piper and the Godkiller captive. Unfortunately for him, Piper manages to get free and takes possession of the Godkiller, much to the Accountant's surprise. The Accountant, however, allows Piper to take the Godkiller to Milton. Moments later, when King boasts that nothing on Earth can kill him, the Accountant appears nearby and points at Milton, who aims the Godkiller at King, remarks "Not of this earth," and shoots King, killing him.
The Accountant then collects Milton's granddaughter from a female cultist, whom he asks if she would have allowed King to go through with murdering an innocent child. Before the cultist can give a complete answer, the Accountant remarks, "I thought so. I'll see you soon." He then hands Milton's granddaughter to her grandfather so Milton can look at the child before handing her over to Piper to be raised by the young woman since Milton is due to return to Hell. Piper agrees to raise the child, and when she looks up, Milton and the Accountant are gone.
Before they return to Hell together, when Milton asks the Accountant about the damage he caused while saving his granddaughter, the Accountant remarks he's seen better. When Milton insists he's going to break out of Hell again, the Accountant replies he's actually looking forward to it. He then conjures a black car and tosses the keys to Milton. Milton gets behind the wheel, and the two of them drive back into Hell.
Quotes
- Stoner: Jesus!
- The Accountant: Carpenter. And despite what you've heard, he prefers short hair.
- Cultist: It's a symbol of our pact with Lord Satan.
- The Accountant: Pact, huh? Funny, he's never mentioned you. (sees the cultist's legs) Whoa! Those are fucked!
- The Accountant: I need you boys to stand down. Captain, you know what this badge means, right? Federal Bureau of Get-the-Fuck-Out-of-My-Way! You boys just bungled into an ongoing investigation.
- The Accountant: (to cultist) If your definition of 'forever' is the next five minutes, then you'd probably be right.