Once upon a sunny little day there was a thoughtful fish who swam across the English Channel to France. One day, he got sick, and ten days later, he died of cancer. A pompous reporter named Katrina Aleary was fishing one day, and she fell into the waters and got nibbled to deaths by mutant sharks. Then, local billionaire businessman Howard Hughes saw a prehistoric basilosaurus lurking in the ocean. However, because he was a billionaire businessman, people had thought him smarter than this, and they laughed and chuckled at him and kicked him out of town. I feel like everything's going this week, he thought, but he was right because the townspeople all began to get eaten when by the seashore. School truants dealing drugs on the beach, a mayor leading his bunch of ravenous jailbirds for a stroll down the pier... one by one they all fell into the maws of the Ravenour. This basilosaur had burst forth from Nessie's Cave in the isle of Man, and it had now come to preach to mainland Britain just how wrong they were about Pluto no longer being a planet. "GIMME MY PLANET BACK, BIOTCH!" was the last word of Howard Hughes when he kamikazed into the Ravenour. The sexy queen of Lapland sent a contingent of suicide bombers but they turned on her and blew her up. This would've been the end, but had it not been for local boy Ratface. Ratface kamikazed into the basilosaur's gut, and ended up fish dinner. I was misleading ya, hahaha, he was nothing special. The town was going to pot and the whole of the West Country now looked like a warzone. The world governments were wasting so much time denying the existence of the basilosaur to the planet's populace that, in the year 2050, (fifty years of basilosaur attacks!) Yellowstone blew up and no one noticed, nor did they give a damn. The toxic fumes killed the last of the basilosaurs but unfortunately it had the horrible side affect of sending Dean and Cassius into Purr's Bakery.
What a load of crap.
~ Rowan, the Lord of the Dark Floor
Earth is Someone Else's imagination.
~ Rowan on humanity.

Mwahahaha. I am a full length author having written sixteen dark fantasy novels and also I am fully into supernatural/dark fantasy horror films.

My Novels

https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=LOCUS+SIGILLI You can find my first three novels uploaded here. As you can see I love the dark fantasy genre. My first five novels shall all be uploaded properly in the next few months and then my prequel series will be up too.


I tend to love movies everyone else hates - with the total exception of that God-awful film Garbage Pail Kids which was simply horrendous. Unlikely as it may seem, I love the new Ghostbusters film, as I loved the original Ghostbusters film, because it's just a film, people, no need to get worked up about it. Also, I love TV shows such as Family Guy, The Simpsons and The Big Bang Theory. I used to love shows such as Strange (that English TV show wherein Richard Coyle hunts demons in Britain) but that only lasted one season. I did love Doctor Who, when it made sense, but now its just collapsed into a timey-whimey mish mash so I anticipate its return. I also loved Glee but grew out of it.

My favourite villain of all time is Audrey II.

My second favourite villain of all time is Donald Harris, the Infected father of Andy and Tammy, survivors of the Rage virus.


Apparently this Wiki is not secure. Well screw that. 354,000,000 beers after conflict, I am a secular alienist, and writer and will use the power of this Wiki to devour KFC. Also, the Internet is one giant spider web of confusion and conflict. We can only do our best in the world, but to do so we have to jump into swimming pools fully clothed to save possessed waiters from drowning, while simultaneously typing it all up on outdated typewriters afterward.

Twitter seems to be having loads of personal problems at the moment it is down like all the time and there seems to be no biography worth mentioning. Essentially I am freeing Gunther from the Lunatic Response Unit in 2028 and I am going to start a plot to cover the world in beer. I am available on the weekends but it will have already eaten the Truth. And also I am going to launch a rocket into Hell.

I don't know what cookies are on the Internet, but can I eat them?

My real name is ROWAN, named after the main antagonist in the Ghostbusters 2016 film. Ha. I love everything to do with that villain. In fact, my top favourite antagonists of all time are:

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