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Weight Watchers is a minor villainous organization appearing in Paradise P.D., only appearing in the episode "Showdown at the O-bese Corral". It is a former weight watching group that Dusty Marlow turned into a new religious movement that promoted body-positivity. The cult is villainous for requiring members to donate all their life savings to their leader, offer him their bodies for sex, and kill people in his name.

Biography

In "Showdown at the O-bese Corral", Dusty failed to pass the fitness test for Paradise P.D. so Randall Crawford sent him to Weight Watchers to get into shape. When Dusty got to weight watchers, he was bombared with the instructor furiously tearing into him for his weight, self-deprecating other students as well. Dusty didn't like how they were teaching him to lose weight, so Dusty decided to turn things around and tell the class that they should love their bodies and not listen to society telling them to lose weight. Everybody cheered for Dusty, and started following his word.

Dusty and his Weight Watchers group came into work the next day, wearing red slankets and ringing gongs. Randall was quick to point out this was a cult but Dusty denied this, despite mentioning that he led his followers to donate all of their money to him, sacrifice their bodies for sex, and occasionally killing people in his name. Randall swore that if Dusty didn't cut the cult and lose weight, he'd fire him and Dusty told him that he was sick of listening to his crap and that he didn't need to fire him because he quit.

Weight Watchers went to Denny's and at the entire supply of food, ruining Randall's fiftieth birthday, which he wanted to spend at Denny's with his family, eating a special birthday cake there. Dusty made it clear to the group that slankets were the new signature clothing item for the group. Randall was so mad at the cult for being greedy and generally unnerving to watch, he decided to do something about it.

Back at the Weight Watchers building, which had now been repurposed into a church, Dusty further exhibited the depths of his new religion by explaining how he personally believed that Jesus was fat, and retold his own twisted version of certain bible stories that were edited to fit a more fat-inclusive narrative of the story. Randall threw an exercise bike through the window of their church, with a note attached signifying that he had just illegalized slankets. He thought this would force his followers to lose weight so they could go out in public, but this plan was completely ineffective due to their extreme girth.

Dusty led the Weight Watchers out into the streets, where the cops tried to arrest them but thanks to Dusty's loophole, they couldn't actually put them in jail. Randall tried to beat up Dusty out of anger but ended up getting sucked into his belly. Later, Randall thought of a new idea to get rid of the fat people.

The Weight Watchers went to Golden Corral, where they planned to eat a bunch of food. However, the cashier there, Skip, told them that there was a new regulation, saying that you must be under a certain weight in order to eat there. Dusty tested the scale to see if he was light enough to eat there but he majorly overshot the limit. Dusty got mad and threw Skip through the window in a violent rage. Because he and his followers broke the law, Randall finally had the go ahead to arrest them. However, he had to go in strong and bring all of his backup with him. Dusty threatened to light the building on fire if they tried to come any closer but Randall didn't respond to this. Unfortunately for him, Kevin, Bullet, Gina Jabowski, and Stanley Hopson all refused to hurt their friend. Randall was pissed but decided he didn't need their help, so he went in to fight them alone.

Randall crawled into the air vents to try and get in but he was so heavy that he broke through the ceiling and hit the ground. When the obese cultists tried to rip Randall's vent off, they ended up ripping his clothes off too, which included his corset, which was holding back a great big ton of fat that blasted out of him and revealed that he too, desired to join them in secret. Randall cried about how horrible it was that he was fat because of God's supposed hatred for those overweight, but Dusty told him that he was God now and he loves all his children and also admitted that he knew it was a cult all along. Dusty forgave Randall for his sins and the two of them reconciled and Randall joined the religion. All was not well, however, as one of the cultists told Dusty that he doused the place in gasoline and lit it on fire, having remembered Dusty's threat from before. One of the support beams near the hole Randall broke through fell down, being lit on fire, and it blocked the door, trapping them all in.

Kevin saw that there was danger and he knew there was only one way to save everybody through the result of en-masse masturbation to cause the result to put out the fire. Gina busted into the restaurant and publicly masturbated, being more aroused now than ever by their rotund nature, the climax flooding the building and put out all the fire, saving all of the fat people's lives. Gina saved the cultists but at the expense of her vagina, which fell off and had to be replaced with a robotic one that would play a bigger villainous role in a future episode.

Members

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Paradise P.D.
Randall Crawford | Bullet | Gina Jabowski | Dusty Marlow | Gerald Fitzgerald | Stanley Hopson

Legion of Dooooom
Gerald Fitzgerald | Thester Carbomb IV | Frank Flipperfist | Jerry Flipperfist | Pedro Pooptooth | Edna Dorsaldigits | Puffy the Cigarette | Pat Robertson | Harvey Weinstein | Russian Mobster | Marcos Narcos | Agent Clappers | Brett DeMarco | Jesus Christ | Flipper People | Dolphin Queen | The Kingpin

International Society of Insulted Selebrities
Ron Perlman | Pat Robertson | Tucker Carlson | Steve Harvey | Tom Selleck | Carrot Top | Jenny McCarthy | Bill Clinton | Joe Biden | Mitch McConnell | Russell Crowe

Repeat Offenders
Karen Crawford | Robby | Delbert | Dean Hancock | Frank Flipperfist | Mr. Meowgi | Mrs. Two-Toes | Dr. Johann | Karla 9000 | Satan | Lady Gertrude | Tucker Carlson | Thester Carbomb IV | Dobby | Cop Bot | Agent Clappers | William | Paradise Nuking Survivors | (Clovis | Mr. Pussbubble | Arm Head) | Agatha Culpepper

One-Time Offenders
Terry Two-Toes | Edna Dorsaldigits | Russian Mobster | Pedro Pooptooth | Marcos Narcos | Marvin | Tuco | Leroy | General Bumfuqué | Jabowski Family | (Mr. Jabowski | Mrs. Jabowski | Cooter Jabowski | Bo Jabowski | Baby Jabowski | Granny Jabowski) | Joe Biden | Yucko the Clown | Dark Zuckerberg | Radioactive Panda | Leader of the Flipper People | Puffy the Cigarette | Jerry Flipperfist | Santa Claus | Glenda | Harvey Weinstein | Brett DeMarco | Gal-Qaeda | Kev-Man | Cory Romando | Walt Disney | Catholic Priest | Poachmaster General | Tom Selleck | The Kingpin | Polyp Man | Ninja Army | Samurai Leader | Earl | Stuffed Animal Midgets | O.J. Simpson | Chip Fuckyeah | Smart Guns | (Mr. Bang Bang | Gun of Jehovah) | Weight Watchers | Steve Harvey | Jenny McCarthy | Bill Clinton | Clit-3PO | Monsters of the Forbidden Forest | Yog-Sothoth | Ginger Pedophile | Fetus | Coyotes | Buffet Bandit | Carrot Top | International Society of Insulted Selebrities

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