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| “ | (sigh), I'm so rich and bored. | „ |
| ~ The man after setting the restaurant on fire. |
The Well To Do Man is the main antagonist of the Cyanide and Happiness short: "Exit".
He is portrayed by Michael Rosselet.
Biography[]
The skit begins with the man finishing his dinner and summoning over waiter. He tells him how much he enjoyed his dinner and requested the restaurant's exit signs. This request confuses the waiter, so the man goes on to explain that whenever he enjoys a meal, he purchases the exit signs so that he may remember the experience. After the explanation, the waiter tells the man that selling him the signs would be against fire regulations, to which the man ignored. He asked that the waiter bring over the manager, as he was prepared to make an offer. The waiter is seen walking over to the manager and whispering in his ear as the man stares on with an eager expression on his face. The manager comes over to the table and gives a similar response that the waiter did, telling the man that the signs were not for sale. He offered to instead direct the man to the company who made and installed them, which only painted a distraught expression across the mans face. He protested, saying he wanted the restaurant's signs specifically, and then offering the manager ten thousand dollars. The manager, while hesitant at first, accepted this offer and had the signs brought over to the man in a paper bag. He hugged the signs in a rather odd way and then proceeded to walk to the exit while the manager counted the bills he was given. Before he left, the man tipped over a candle and the entire restaurant began to engulf in flames. The other patrons panicked, but they were unable to leave as they did not know where the exit was, the signs now being gone. The camera pans out onto the street to reveal the man holding the signs and staring at the now burning building. He sighs, stating that he's rich and bored, which was then proceeded by the credits. An clip appeared in-between the credits that revealed the man to own an entire warhorse filled with mountains upon mountains of exit signs. He through his new pair on top of the closest stack, but it became unbalanced and fell on him. This caused a chain reaction, all stacks now forming a sea of exit signs. He popped his head out of the pile and exhausted a sigh of relief, stating that it was a close-call. He then tries to find the exit, but he realized that all exits were now hidden from view. The scene ends with him screaming "NOO!" as the camera pans out into the rest of the warehouse, further emphasizing it's vastness.
Appearance[]
The Well To Do Man appears to have caucasian skin and black eyes. Like most Cyanide and Happiness characters, his arms and legs are just black lines. He has brown hair combed over into a curl. He is wearing a grey suit with a white undershirt and a black tie.
Personality[]
The Well To Do Man is very malicious and persuasive. His intentions are not immediately apparent, making it seem as though he was truly weird and well-intended. He seems to portray himself as somewhat of a god, using all of his resources to kill as many people as he can for his own personal amusement. He has a very stereotypical "rich guy" aesthetic, typically seen with his eyes only half open and talking in a very stuck up rich-guy voice. He also appears to be somewhat of a character, going to far as to wrap his arm around the waiter during his explanation, pushing the money into the manager's vest, and making ridiculous faces when making an offer.
Quotes[]
| “ | Waiter, Waiter! | „ |
| ~ Well To Do Man summoning the waiter. |
| “ | How much for your exit sign(s)? | „ |
| ~ Well To Do Man asking for sign price. |
| “ | You see my boy, when I have an enjoyable experience at a restaurant or show, I like to remember it by purchasing the venue's exit signs. How much? | „ |
| ~ Well To Do Man's explanation. |
| “ | I'll give you ten thousand dollars! | „ |
| ~ Well To Do Man to the manager. |
| “ | Yes, ten thousand dollars, and with that you can buy as many exit signs as you need. | „ |
| ~ Well To Do Man's response to the manager's shock. |
| “ | Phew! That was a close one! Now I just need to find... the... exit. Oh, oh no, OH NO! NOOOOOOOO! | „ |
| ~ Well To Do Man's demise quote. |
Gallery[]
Photos[]
Videos[]
Trivia[]
- The Well To Do Man's wealth appears to be quite extensive, being able to have purchased what appears to be tens of thousands of exit signs.
- The source of the Well To Do Man's money, or his occupation, is unknown.
- The Well To Do Man's name was revealed in the credits.
- The amount of exit signs that he had stored implies that he has committed the same act hundreds if not thousands of times, most likely having killed thousands in the process.
[]
 Villains
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