|This article's content is marked as Mature|
The page Mature contains mature content that may include coarse language, sexual references, and/or graphic violent images which may be disturbing to some. Mature pages are recommended for those who are 18 years of age and older.
If you are 18 years or older or are comfortable with graphic material, you are free to view this page. Otherwise, you should close this page and view another page.
Woodrow "Woody" Waylon Johnson is the main character of the Comedy Central animated series, Brickleberry. He is the angry, profane, sadistic chief ranger of Brickleberry National Park. He lives a very priveledged life with his pet bear cub, Malloy and has a reputation of abusing his employees, conning his costomers for money, killing nature and wildlife at his own park, exhibiting all kinds of bigotry toward minorites, and a relatively unexplored marital history of murdering past wives and children.
Long before his military career, Woody was a porn star known as "Rex Erection". After having a successful career, and picking up drugs, Woody's asset was now useless. Woody was then relegated to non-sexual roles. After a bit of depression, Woody joined the army. Its not known what Woody did in the military, but it can be gathered that he conducted actions that can be considered war crimes. Currently Woody is a recovering post-traumatic ranger, with a military background. He worked his way up to head ranger over his thirty-year career at Brickleberry. Woody also took Malloy under his wing after the bear's family "disappeared." He always has the park’s best financial interest in mind and has little care to even hatred towards the physical essence of the park. These includes setting up electrical trees to avoid angry complaints by phone calls and starting a fire that will burn down the park then putting it out to get good reputation in "Race Off!".
Woody is shown spoiling Malloy rotten and doing anything he can to please his selfish demands at the beginning of "Welcome to Brickleberry", the pilot episode. However, after this episode Woody and Malloy have become bitter rivals especially since Malloy threatens to kill, take advantage of, and/or bankrupt Woody in most episodes. It was also shown in a flashback 3 years ago in "Woody's Girl" that when Malloy was a baby, he very loved Woody and expressed his love for him through his first words and letter blocks. Malloy's testosterone have caused him to become tired of Woody's attitude as well as develop flippish behavior between those 3 years as according to "Saved By The Balls", Malloy can suddenly and instantly become more and more aggressive.
Both Woody's mother is dead (as revealed in "Two Weeks Notice", but debunked in "That Brother's My Father") and his wife is dead (as revealed in "Squabbits"). Woody claims that his mom's death (without any explanation why his mom died at an early age) upset his perverted dad so much that he forced Woody into wearing panties and a bra, as well as perhaps to look even more feminine. Woody complains that forgiving his dad is illogical and his memories of being abused still haunt him in the show's present time. Woody's mom and Woody's ex-wife appeared in a flashback in "My Way or the Highway" during Woody's 8th birthday and she encouraged him to have sex with a female hooker (his wife) so that he doesn't become gay in the future.
In That Brother's My Father" his mother shows up alive and well and marries Denzel.
Woody Johnson is an obese, large-framed Caucasian adult man with blond hair and a big ruffed mustache. He wears a white workers shirt, green pants, brown shoes, and a golden sheild badge.
Woody Johnson is a livid, resentful, and obscene old grouch, who lives a priveledged lifestyle of wealth and luxury, allowing him to effortlessly disregard and neglect everyone else beneath him, with the exception of his beloved bear cub, Malloy, who is the only living soul in the universe he displays any reverence toward. As for everybody else, Woody is cruel, bitter, and spiteful to everybody he crosses paths with, such as his own employees, who he bosses around, constantly insults, and refuses to treat with a healthy work environment or a living wage, as this would only create more work and less money for himself. Not only is Woody disregardul toward others, but he'll often go out of his way to actively make life worse for his inferiors simply for his own personal amusement. He'll constantly insult and berate all of his employees, especially Steve by calling them names, overworking them, and pulling mean pranks on them that lead to their pain, misery, and misfortune, which he laughs at from his high throne of superiority.
Woody is also a flaming racist, who has expresse shameless prejudice toward minorities, women, and people of the LGBT community, even those who work for his own company. Woody sees black people as criminals, thugs, and hoodrats who can't be trusted, as he believes they all tend to steal, murder, and rape. Ironically, Woody is prone to doing all of these things, himself, just as much as his idea of a typical black man. He's not afraid to express this bigotry Denzel but is still kind of afraid of him and will occasionally bend the knee to his threats, whenever the latter talks street and scares him.
Woody is also a nasty, rotten, misogynist pig, who believes that men are better at everything than women, who he sees as sexual objects that are useful for nothing but having babies, cleaning the house, and making sandwiches. He expresses this mostly with Ethel, who he always calls sexist terms like "bitch", "slut", and "c*nt", and absolutely despises because of how she criticises all of his horrible actions. Woody sexually assaults Ethel on occasion, proving to be an absolutely disgusting, slovegnly creep who fails to keep it in his pants. Needless to say, Ethel hates him and is one of the only park rangers, who levels the playing field by calling Woody out on his horrible ways and combatting him, seving as a foil to his vile and horrendous character.
Woody is extremely savage and hateful toward Connie, insulting her almost as much as he insults Steve, and mostly in regards to her being fat and gay. Unlike with Denzel and Ethel, Connie and Steve are submissive wimps, who just take every insult that Woody throws their way and accept it, though in Connie's case, she gets more emotional and ends up screaming at the top of her lungs and running away, crying.
Woody's cruelty as a boss can easily be explained by the fact that he idolizes brutal dictators such as Hitler, Hussein, Kim Jong-Il, and Gaddhafi and takes after them, making himself a ruthless and merciless tyrant, ruling over his company like a country.
Woody had an extremely miserable and abusive childhood, growing up, which also explains why he's such a depraved and barbaric person, today. He was raised by his abusive alcoholic mother, Anita Johnson and his largely-absent pedophile father, Harry Johnson, who both gave him a hellish childhood full of beatings, molestation, abandonment, and brainwashing. Woody resents his parents so much, that he's cut ties with them and never wants to see them again. For the first two seasons of the show, he lied that his mother was dead (until she showed up for a surprise visit in "That Brother's My Father") and would rarely even bring up his father at all. Throughout the series, we see flashbacks to Woody's childhood and appearances from Anita, which exhibit that Woody's parents were just as, if not, worse to him than he is to his employees. In "Paradise PD Meets Brickleberry", it was shown that as a young toddler, Woody was always locked in a broom closet, playing with dead rats and being breast-fed through a hole in the wall by his mother. In "Little Boy Malloy", Woody mentioned that his father would mercilessly beat him with an electrical cord at school every day. In "My Way or the Highway", we'd see that on Woody's 15th birthday, Anita forced him to have sex with a hooker so that we wouldn't "turn into a queer". In "Two Weeks Notice", Woody let it slip that his father repeatedly molested him as a child, dressing him up as a woman and raping him in the absence of his wife. Anita was also a very bigoted conservative Christian, who brainwashed Woody with propaganda against blacks, gays, and non-Christians, which explains why he holds (somewhat) toned down versions of these racist opinions to this day.
Woody also seems to have a very dark past, when it comes to his marital and romantic life, having mentioned on several occasions to have had wives who he's beaten, abused, and even murdered. In "Squabbits", he mentioned slaughtering his wife and burying her in the woods somewhere and in "That Brother's My Father", Woody had an urn in his house, full of the ashes of his ex-wife, who "gave him some lip", proving to have killed at least two wives in the past during two isolated incidents. Woody is also the father of some children who he also abused and murdered. In "Ranger Games", he said that he had a son, who he let drown in a lake, on account of him being drunk. In "Little Boy Malloy", it was revealed that Woody had a sex dungeon in his basement full of hookers, who he not only rapes, but occasionally kills too for sexual pleasure via twisted ways, not too far off from the torture methods of Dexter Morgan.
- In "Two Weeks Notice", Woody's motto for using a gun is "scratch the serial number off before killing someone". When looking to hire someone, Woody refuses to hire women for Canadians. At the end of the episode, Woody accidentally shot Steve dead by playing around with the gun.
- In "Squabbits", Woody laughed as he retold the story of how he killed one of his ex-wives and buried her in the woods somewhere.
- In "Race Off!", Woody sets the park on fire just so he can put it out and impress the visiting Secretary of the Interior. In the process, he kills tons of people and animals and burns the flesh off of Steve and Denzel Jackson.
- In "Gay Bomb", Woody has a bunch of bigoted Christians from the Jesus Hates Homos Church come to protest at Brickleberry National Park.
- In "Hello Dottie", Woody forces his workers to deal with insufferable working conditions that would be illegal in real life as he broke the American union rules.
- In "The Dam Show", Woody destroyed a bunch of nature and murdered a bunch of wildlife at his own park just to make room for his extravagant birthday party. It was mentioned that Woody was a proud supporter of such brutal dictators and terrorists as Saddam Hussein, Muammar Gaddafi, Kim Jong-Il, and Adolf Hitler and that he took after them, when it came to his own leadership. He mentioned later that in Iraq, he made a necklace out of baby genitals.
- In "Miracle Lake", Woody found a lake that could heal people of any disease from the common cold to cancer and decided to profit off of it, by charging people to use it. It was clear that he didn't care about When the effects failed to help a hair-lipped man, Woody forced him underwater and drowned him to try and cure him.
- In "Trailer Park", Woody ordered a nuke strike on Brickleberry Trailer Park.
- In "Ranger Games", a video showed Woody get mad that he came in second during the 1978 Ranger Games Olympics and he threw a violent rage-o-fit, where he brutally slaughtered all of the judges and competitors and pissed on their corpses, as the colosseum went up in flames. He also mentioned later in the episode that he had a son, who he let drown in the lake because he was drunk.
- In "My Way or the Highway", Woody made several extremely sexist comments about Nina Melcher, saying that she could never become governor. He later started running against her and promised to enforce a bunch of horrible sexist policies if he became governor. When Woody changed his mind and decided he wanted to lose, he did horrible things to make himself look bad like kicking a veteran in the crotch, licking a baby's head, and punching an already battered woman from the women's shelter in the face.
- In "Little Boy Malloy", Woody offered to kill Ethel Anderson's sister, Lucy Anderson, saying that it's been a long time since he's "fed his dark passenger", suggesting that he suffers from the constant urge to kill.
- In "My Favorite Bear", it was revealed that Woody had a freezer full of frozen hookers.
- In "Obamascare", Woody had a bunch of anti-Obama paraphernalia.
- In "Miss National Park", Woody hoped that Steve had cancer and also horribly abused his housekeeper, Inez by not only punishing her for crimes that Malloy committed but also forcing her to clean the toilet, while he was still on it. At the end of the episode, Woody teamed up with Manslaughter McGill to kill his wife, Tammy Jane.
- In "That Brother's My Father", Woody had an urn with the ashes of "some ex-wife who gave him lip."
- In "High Stakes", Woody befriended Todd Ford, a rich prick, who went around town with him, abusing police officers, stealing money, doing drugs, hijacking the fire department whereas to let people's houses burn down in favor of them joyriding around in the firetruck, abusing women, killing people, and hunting endangered animals illegally.
- In "Amber Alert", Woody sexually harassed Ethel and later, Amber.
- In "Global Warning", Woody singlehandedly caused global warming to destroy the world by creating a company called Woody Johnson, Inc. that had the specific intent of producing carbon dioxide. This ultimately led to a herd of Alien Cows coming to Earth and killing everybody, even himself.
- In "Paradise P.D. Meets Brickleberry", Woody brutally attacked Randall Crawford and led the rest of Brickleberry in attacking the police.
- A running gag is for Woody to go by the pseudonym "Rick Swordfire", whenever he gets the opportunity to go in disguise, change his identity, or create an alter-ego.
- In "Obamascare", it was revealed that Woody had been working at Brickleberry National Park for 30 years with perfect attendance.
- In the same episode, it's also revealed that he is severely allergic to crab cakes.
- Woody Johnson on the Brickleberry Wiki.